When Satire Bites, Bite Back

With times more trying then ever, Americans need to find more outlets for relaxation. Leave it to our leaders to find a way to smile with pain and pitfalls surrounding their every move.

It only took $400+ billion and 60,000 casualties for the Washington Post to figure out that there was no connection between Hussein's Iraq and al-Qaeda. In other startling news, the Post also determined that the world is round, that the pope is Catholic and that Elmer Fudd will never catch that rascally rabbit.

America is planning to release the five Iranian diplomats it captured in Iraq according to a New York Sun report. The gentlemen will be sent back with specific instructions not to take over Iraq until after the United States abandons the country.

The military went on another of its strong recruiting efforts. Corey Andrew Powell, an openly gay man, was approached by the U.S. Army because of a resume he posted on Career Builder. After inquiring sarcastically about whether gays were allowed to serve in the military, Powell received back caustic e-mails that included remarks in the incendiary all caps format that read: " YOU ARE DEFINITELY UNQUALIFIED, NOW TAKE YOU GAY SELF SOMEPLACE ELSE WE DO NOT TOLERATE GAY PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN ANY PART OF THE MILITARY." and " YOU HEAD OF FTO THE GAY LAND OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO MORALS AND GET RID OF YOURSELF. PERSONALLY I THINK BEING GAY IS DISGUSTING AND IMMORAL." That was definitely not an Army Strong response.

In Somalia, European diplomats were investigating allegations of war crimes levied against participants in a battle between Somali and Ethiopian forces in the capital city of Mogadishu. President Bush plans to step in and lend assistance after he conquers Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, North Korea and Sudan. He also might take time to eat lunch before he jumps into the fray.

In the great United States Florida is beginning a policy to allow all felons but " convicted murderers, sexual predators and 'violent career criminals'” to vote in upcoming elections. The sex offenders, while they can't vote, help showcase Florida's commitment to rehabilitation for criminals in their fancy housing facilities for offenders under causeway bridges. At least the Bush White House will have somewhere safe and democratic to go in 2009.

On the other coast, the L.A. Times forecasts drought and Dust Bowl-like conditions in the Southwest because of global warming. This means that by 2050, Los Angeles will not only seem like the shittiest place on Earth; it actually will be the shittiest place on Earth. At least you'll be able to keep track of the change with the Christian Science Monitor's handy dandy Global Warming Web site.

Big automotive business is struggling in Detroit, which has prompted billionaire investor Kirk Kerkorian to bid for the Chrysler portion of the German Daimler Chrysler. Reports indicate he is paying one-eighth what the German company paid for the automaker. I don't know how you say "I'll take that disaster off your hands while you slink away into the sunset" in German, but I'm sure Kerkorian's translators have that covered.

Baseball season brings the story of Creighton pitcher Pat Venditte, an ambidextrous pitcher who gets batters out throwing right handed and left handed. Chances remain that Venditte could strike out Reds outfielder Adam Dunn right handed, left handed or merely by kicking the ball in the general direction of home plate. In Cincinnati, the town is in need of better pitching after the Wild Thing Vaughn performance of Mayor Mark Mallory.

Desecrating all that is sacred is part of the music business. However, let me be the first to say that the plan for Oasis, the Killers, the Kaiser Chiefs, the Fratellis and Razorlight to record a tribute version of the Beatles' magnum opus " Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" is a bad idea. Oasis already tried being the Beatles once...and failed. Let poor John and George rest. What's next, Carrie Underwood and Clay Aiken re-recording "Billie Holiday Sings"?

New Stupid Features

There is an insane amount of ridiculous search parameters entered into the YouTube bar and the News Wire bar on the right of the page. Consider them thrill rides to enjoy when my prose gets boring.

News You Can Lose

Tony LaRussa probably wishes the police had left him in jail after getting swept by the Mets in his season opening series. You probably wish I had been put in jail after break, but unlike LaRussa, even the Man (or the Mets) can't keep me down.

The superstar story of the last week has been the 15 sailors taken hostage by Iran. Recently, they were released. Iran realized if they were going to torture and kill anybody's military, these choices would be limited to the United States and France based upon evidence that both countries are full of people who are easy to hate.

The news behind the news points to mounting evidence that the U.S. is waging soldier-for-hire war with Iran while they also might be responsible for the British sailors being captured in Iran. If you are going to lose, you might as well lose big, and a war with Shi'ite Islam might be the next great step. I guess the quickest way out of Iraq might be straight through Iran.

In order to make sure the entire Middle East burns to the ground so that it can be built again from scratch, the U.S. is planning to arm Saudi Arabia and other "allies" against the newly-minted Axis of Evil opponent Iran. Israel is fighting this move. My suggestion would be move the Western Wall to China and move back after Bush is finished with his master plan.

On the domestic front, Barack Obama is rolling in the Benjamins since he has raised $25 million in campaign funds. My suggestion would be to spend it on ads to air during "American Idol" and then announce run away favorite Sanjaya as your Vice Presidential candidate before Hildo and Eddie the Ambulance Chaser get any ideas.

Murder and mayhem return to HBO next week when the Sopranos return to New Jersey. The show will wrap up. Afterward, the big question will not be what loose ends weren't wrapped up but where will any actors from New Jersey whose names end in a vowel ever find work again?

Media matters include the best news coming out of Indonesia. Playboy editor Erwin Arnada was cleared of indecency charges today. At least one can be confident that they can buy smut over the counter before the death squad executes them.

Of course, the favorite media darling is the story of freed journalist/blogger/anarchist/activist/independent media icon Josh Wolf. Wolf was imprisoned for over seven months for refusing to turn over footage of a G8 summit protest in San Francisco. His status is a hot potato topic that courts and journalists are all too happy to avoid defining. The future of media will either be a Constitutionally protected mass media collective or a Constitutionally protected all-inclusive collective of information. Stay tuned.

Billionaire Howard Zell bought the Tribune Company. Finally, somebody with billions of dollars can buy my team, spend money on them and lead them to glory in a way that a "gum company and a media conglomerate" (according to Mr. Downey) could not.

In real sports, former wide receiver Darryl Stingley died early this morning in Evanston, Illinois. The 55-year old was paralyzed by a devastating hit in a pre-season football game by Jack Tatum. This event was credited with changing the way football is played, although it certainly had no impact on the Cleveland Browns actually winning Super Bowls before or after the fact.

Billy Donovan put the Gator chomp on Kentucky today when he announced he is staying at Florida as head basketball coach. As long as he doesn't start coaching football, baseball, cricket, rugby or hockey, I'm sure Ohio State will have a shot at winning a championship in something over the next few years.

Barry Bonds is still hitting home runs. This is good for my fantasy team, but bad for everything else baseball related.

Finally, check out the Onion's article on David Ortiz and Jackie Robinson. Hilarious! He doesn't get it like Griffey.

The arts and odds and ends bring up the rear. Keith Richards is adamant that he did not snort his father. Dad will qualify as the only powder Richards didn't put up his beak.

Finally, I guarantee that if you get arrested for drunk driving, you do not A). want to be a municipal official, B). be in a bikini, and C). be a man.

All Good Things

Since it was the end of my trip to Chicago, I decided to go all out for the last evening. So I bought a Saleen S7 and outraced the cops speeding down Lake Shore Drive sipping on Cristal out of Cartier crystal flutes and throwing gang signs in my rear view at the suckers eating my dust.

Actually, that last sentence is a complete fabrication. When I walk past automotive dealers that sell $555,000 automobiles, however, the insane lottery fantasies I have start going off. On the way to dinner, I walked past a car dealer that was selling a Mercedes SLK McLaren alongside Bentlies (if that is in fact the plural of Bently) and Ferraris. It was an interesting lot to stumble across on the way to dinner.

My lovely dinner companions Krysta and Nikki met me at Dudley Nieto's new regional Mexican joint Xel-Ha. Nieto was the original chef at Adobo Grill back when they were a good restaurant with atrocious service (as opposed to now being a bad restaurant with atrocious service). The menu features half traditional Mexican dishes with a twist and half Yucatan specific regional dishes. There was one vegetarian selection in both the Pan-Mexican and Yucatan appetizers and entrees.

The drinks were ridiculously good. There was a surprisingly tangy red wine apperatif that is in the photographs. There were numerous variations of margaritas also captured in digital form.

The food was interesting if not spectacular. The regional cuisine is always markedly different from the cookie cutter Mexican food available at Chipotle. Huilacoche and black bean quesadillas were interesting foils to one another, with the earthy notes in the huilacoche being contrasted by a faint smokiness in the beans. The main dish consisted of a number of vegetables like squash and eggplant served aside a stuffed mild chili pepper.

The food was very good, but the best suggestion in this price range would probably be Frontera Grill, Topolobampo's cafe restaurant.

The rest of the pictures are of the crew running around to Danny's in Bucktown later that night. I also witnessed some Irish-themed marathon before I left. Check the pictures below.

End of the Trip

There is also a small chance I start reviewing music and going back to my previous bitter political sarcasm soon. Stay tuned...out.

Mass Media, Descartes and Cleo

These are some odds and ends posts of media pictures in Chicago. In other posts I featured the Sun Times and Ebony and Jet magazines. This has WGN, the Tribune Building, NBC and a stunning Jack Brickhouse statue.

Breakfast was at the philosophically themed Descartes coffee, which had numerous vegan bakery items as well as a wide range of coffee and tea drinks.

Lunch was at a nondescript bar Cleos that had March Madness on. I ate stuffed mushrooms and a veggie burger with two cheeses, mushrooms, onions, tomatoes and lettuce while Ohio State put away Memphis.

Pictures are featured in the Picasa link below.

Descartes Media

Vermilion and 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

Vermilion has been on my to do list for some time now. Consider it checked off. Vermilion is an Indian/Latin fusion restaurant. They offer tapas and degustations of seven courses. This dinner was a measly two tapas with an entree.

Vermilion has luscious drinks like a tamarind margarita and a coconut cream saffron drink with dried coconut and rum that was a perfect foil to the spicy fare. The dinner started with an amuse bouche that was a spicy gazpacho accompanied by a tapioca cracker served on a plate with a character written in chili powder.

This was followed by a plate of artichoke pakoras served with a mild brown mustard and a sweet, spicy red sauce. The other plate was a manchego and Indian lentil/ vegetable empanada. The entree was asparagus wrapped in phyllo served on a red and green tomato curry with okra and spicy starch support beams.

The menu featured almost half vegetarian half not vegetarian options, and the staff was helpful in pointing out the best vegetarian items. The menu does change frequently, but the Indian part of the fusion keeps the options very veggie friendly.

Vermillion et al

The virtual barrage of bars followed.

Swirl Wine Bar featured a number of conservative wine choices and small nosh plates.

Goose Island Wrigleyville was stop number two. They have the same Goose beers on tap as my previous post on Goose Clybourn.

Casey Moran's featured sports on television, loud classic rock music, weird psychedelic patterns on screens and a bustling crowd of people with a fairly vanilla beverage list.

Then of course came the beer-from-everywhere-including-a-pile-of-Belgian options Hopleaf that has most anything you'd think of by the bottle or on draft. They have pages of Belgian beers on a menu plus a pile of tap handles. Some of my old pictures might be more telling for Hopleaf. It is part of a different trip to Chicago where I visited these same clowns.

Field Museum pics and Rock Bottom

This is an afternoon spent in the Field Museum, which is Chicago's Natural History Museum. I saw the animals, plants, dinosaurs, Mendel exhibit, evolution exhibit and the Ancient Americas exhibit. The Egyptian display is also outstanding, but the last three in the list of things I did see are limited time displays. The video clips were great on the enormous screens. That day I ate breakfast at Starbucks, which was bogus, and lunch at Rock Bottom, which is always fair.















Rock Bottom is a chain that employs local brew masters to craft beers at the brew pubs. Chicago is one location that brews tremendous beer. The food is not nearly as good as the beer. The Brewery pretzel was good, as was the Portobello Fontina sandwich sans mayo . That came with onion rings that had no onions in them, which was moderately disheartening. The beer was excellent in staving off frustration from the oversight.

The Line Drive Light is always a pleasant quaff. The gold, the brown, the red and the wheat are all typical in style and soundly made. The Terminal Stout is a mouthful of tobacco and molasses. The seasonal beers are the showstoppers. They had an Irish Stout, a Belgian strong ale and the Fire Chief Irish Red. There is also typically a cask ale. The place gets crowded, but it opens up considerably when they open the rooftop beer garden.

Check out the pictures in the link below.

Museum

And now your Chicago Bulls (and dinner)

When you sit in the good seats, you are in a better position to take pictures of "The Answer" Allen Iverson being questioned by Captain Kirk Heinrich while Ben Wallace and his cornrows (sob...not the 'fro) watch on in quiet anticipation.


The Bulls topped the Nuggets 109-108 in a see-saw battle at the United Center. The game ended with Ben Gordon missing a shot at the end that improbably rolled to Tyrus Thomas, who soared above the opposition to dunk the ball with 0.2 seconds left on the clock.

Luol Deng, Gordon and Heinrich ruled for the Bulls, while the two-headed Thug Nation of Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson put up a pile of points that came up about 0.2 seconds and one point short. Probably the most clutch performer at the game was the Jose Cuervo lounge with its margaritas and better-than-basketball-game-quality quesadillas.

Check out the Picasa link that has piles of Bulls game video and pictures along with a few dining experiences before the game, which will be described after the basketball links.

A bunch of meals and a Bulls game

Before the game, dinner was at the newly-opened Graze. Graze is an American small plates concept that features a wide variety of tapas and some interesting cocktails and wines that complement the small dishes nicely.

The bread was marvelous. There were flatbreads, olive bread and a sage bread with chunks of sea salt baked into it. The sage bread was an interesting taste experience with an herbal beginning and the salt making your mouth water as you swallow.

The cocktails are a mojito, which was very good, and a Moscow Mule that was absolutely killer with hints of ginger lingering on the quenching finish.

The small plates that I tried were the red pepper hummus with flatbread to dip and a cheese plate with cow, sheep and goat selections and accompaniments like griddled sweet pistachios and apples. The main course, pictured above, is a pumpkin ravioli in a vegetable broth with radishes and green peas. It was stylistically Asian flavored with enough Italian and American influences to make the dish unique. There are also side dishes like skin-on mashed potatoes made to the diner's specifications (our table had white cheddar mashed potatoes).

This restaurant has a ton of vegetarian selections. The only minor complaint in the experience was that certain dishes were a little heavy on the salt. However, a young restaurant may be trying to establish consistency, and the place had more successes than failures, so this was not a major issue.

The pictures are in the same Picasa link above that references the basketball game.


















After the game, it was time for some celebratory drinking. The first spot is about 20 blocks north of the United Center. Piece features a wide selection of beer in addition to their brew pub brewed offerings.

The place offers what they call Connecticut style pizza, which is definitely not Chicago style pizza. It is very good however, with a wide variety of toppings. The only draw back is karaoke night, which drove us back downtown.

Pops for Champagne opened a new outpost in the River North area of Chicago. The place offers a wide variety of quality champagnes and champagne cocktails that are meant to pair with a massive cheese selection and small plate selections. It took a little convincing to get me in dressed like a sporto Bulls fan.

The service was gracious if stretched a little thin. The most interesting cocktail was the Hendrick's gin with cucumber, basil and champagne. The place was more than adequate for providing Bulls celebration juice, but I recommend dressing up a bit more than Al Bundy and I typically do.

Always eating the same thing

There must be a reason that I always eat the same thing for breakfast almost every day. It is a bagel with cream cheese and peanut butter with coffee and orange juice. After eating high end breakfast in Chicago, it's going to be hard going back.

Wicker Park's Bongo Room offers breakfast all day. They have breakfast burritos and various pancakes and French toast with a variety of accoutrements that are guaranteed to send your blood sugar skyrocketing.

The cheesy whole potato hash browns were divine. The sweet potato pancakes with pecans and a honey-based syrup were delicious. The restaurant is efficient and provides good service. Its a great place to eat breakfast food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. (Beware of the address on the Web site--it gives a South Side address when the place is in Wicker Park.)
















Goose Island is always a great lunch and a beer spot. The brewpub offers a wide variety of beers that never see the inside of a bottle and are poured for you straight out of the cask they were brewed in.

My stock lunch is the veggie burger. I change the cheese up (this time it was pepper jack), and I will always order it with mushrooms.

The beer sampler allows you to try four small pours of different beer. I tried the Rye stout, the Anniversale, the Demolition stout and the Matilda Belgian ale. The crazy thing is that I also later made it into the Wrigleyville Goose Island, which offers the same beer surrounded by twice as many yuppies.
















The trip was finished with a trip to Sam's Wine and Spirits, the megamall of liquor stores. I also shopped at Reckless Records, purveyors of obscure used music. Then I walked through Old Town back to the hotel. Enjoy the Picasa photo link that shows off my breakfast and lunch activities.

Wicker Park-Bucktown-Old Town

Regional Mexican Jazz

Rick Bayless operates the mecca of fine regional Mexican dining in the River North area of Chicago. Topolobampo, which has a four star rating in Chicago Magazine, earned every one of those stars when I ate there the other night.

Bayless' culinary philosophy in vegetarian dining utilizes mushrooms in most dishes to create the sensation of umami that comes from savory meat dishes. The vegetarian options comes without the psychological baggage of eating carcass. Upon request, the chef can create a vegetarian degustation, which he did for me.

The first course was a mushroom empanada with cream and red chili sauce. The second course was a carpaccio-ed beet salad with Mexican gherkins and apricot salsa. The third course was a huilacoche enchilada with salsa verde, rice pyramid and fried onion strings. The fourth course was a fava bean suffle with a dark mushroom mole sauce topped with micro greens. Desert featured two bread puddings, an earthy ice cream cone bite and a cinnamon cookie.

The staff matched wines with each course. The restaurant offers outstanding cocktails such as a ginger mojito, a Tecate beer mojito that was more interesting than it sounds and a blood orange margarita, amongst others. The tequila list is a tome with about 100+ selections. The staff is exceptional and knowledgeable.

Explore images from dinner as well as the jazz concert that will be described following the Picasa link below.

Topolo-Baker-Kessler-Bishop-Zerang

The Hideout looks about exactly the way you'd expect a club called the Hideout to look. It's hidden away on Wabansia, surrounded by a metro vehicle gas station and machinist shops. Last night they hosted Honeyboy. Tonight, it was the Arp assault by Jim Baker alongside the improv stylings of Jeb Bishop, Kent Kessler and Michael Zerang.

I am unfairly biased in favor of anything with a Arp synthesizer in it. For example, if there was a toothpaste commercial with an Arp synth doing the background music, I would use that toothpaste. That being said, however, the show was a fertile ground for exploring the improvised dialogues of four veteran Chicago musicians.

Baker plays both synthesized piano and Arp. Bishop plays trombone with various mutes. Kessler plays a deliberately understated bass. Zerang plays a hodge podge drum kit and could be described as a percussionist more than he would be described as a drummer.

The group played two sets, and the only complaint I had was that I wanted more Arp. Despite my pathetic pleas for semi-modular analogue subtractive synthesizers, the show was a refreshing blast of energy that lifted me beyond the ordinary. Check out the pictures and video in the Picasa link above.