Imus and the Mourning

He's back (in black, even). Don Imus, the human race riot of the air waves, returned to the radio with two African American comedians as part of his zoo crew (charade). The question is this: if a racist windbag makes halfhearted apologies on the air and nobody tunes in to listen, does he make a sound?

The big story of the day involves U.S. officials reporting that the Iranian nuclear program is shut down for the time being and that they are not a short term threat to produce nuclear weapons. President Bush remains undeterred, saying American policy will remain unchanged despite the reports. He might justify an invasion based upon a new Iranian policy to crack down on hip hop. Bush never let contrary evidence dissuade him from his strongly held but ideologically flawed plans in the past, so this should be business as usual.

Gillian Gibbons, the teacher involved in the Sudanese blasphemous teddy bear fracas, has spoken about this ordeal after she returned home to Britain. Whatever her message, I'm sure that her testimony will not be utilized in tourist videos promoting vacations to Sudan.

Now that the G.O.P. and the Dems have both held Web 2.0 debates, critics say that the format is here to stay. By 2020, Max Headroom may in fact be the leading candidate for President of the United States.

Rolling Stone's latest feature details the elements that led to the abysmal failure that is the war on drugs. This article breaks down the failures of American drug regulation that birthed a culture that would create a drug called "butt hash."

And I'll finish up with a new media report about the stalker engine/social networking outlet Facebook and its latest battle with privacy advocates. Coming on the heels of the controversial opt-out tracking program Beacon are the reports of Facebook boss Mark Zuckerberg losing his legal appeal to have a Harvard-associated publication take down less than flattering documents about his past in a move aimed at giving the young mogul a feeling of the shoe-on-the-other-foot feeling that goes along with Facebook-style privacy concerns. If Zuckerberg doesn't focus his company on benefiting the consumer using his product, he'll be losing Facebook friends faster than the people in charge of college loans.

It Was Nice To Have Known You

Finally, they got rid of the bad guy. No, I'm not talking about Michael Vick, although even that speedster couldn't outrun his dogfighting charges. Vick should be congratulated on finding Jesus, albeit after he mistreated and potentially killed a cadre of God's creatures he was entrusted to protect. No, the bad guy in question here is Alberto Gonzales, who finally offered his resignation after much heel dragging ensued. The case against Gonzales was strong. It's a shame that he and Vick won't get an opportunity to be roommates in the Federal Pen.

The American quest to find leadership in Iraq may be taking a turn down familiar streets soon, with former failed leader Iyad Allawi campaigning in Washington to take over for the current failure in leadership Nouri al-Maliki. Most Americans at this point are doing the same, contemplating the possibility of putting former failure Jimmy Carter back in office to stop the bleeding before President Bush II REALLY gets a chance to screw something up.

On the other front in the war on terror, the Taliban has harvested a record crop of opium, making the group the only religious order consisting of equal parts Tony Montana and James Dobson.

The death toll in Greece continues to rise after the county's battle with wildfires, once again illustrating the imminent danger of saganaki.

The battle between sports loyalties and corporate muscle flexing continues to fester with the Big Ten Network and most cable companies "worlds apart" in reaching an agreement that would allow Ohio State fans the pleasure of watching their football team crush powerhouse programs like Youngstown State and Akron on cable television. The quandary could spill over into basketball season as well. Luckily for me, my college football teams are Otterbein, who I will be able to watch on the local cable network as they get throttled by Mount Union 118-6, and Ohio University, who spent most of last season playing on Court TV, meaning that it sucks to be you, Big Ten fans.

Also in sports news, Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs was cited for crashing his $400,000 Lamborghini on the highway and abandoning it there. Good thing he signed that franchised player contract, because I'm sure that the lease office might be more than a little upset receiving their high-performance automobile back in pieces.

Finally, news of the weird crosses the war on drugs in Mexico, where one of the most important pieces in the country's battle with drug smugglers has been replaced by a mutt. Rex IV, the Tim Duncan of drug sniffing dogs, was kidnapped while being shipped off to a mission, and replaced by a mixed breed puppy. I have no idea what happened to poor Rexy, but if I had to guess, I'd say somebody borrowed him to perform some additional evidence searches at Owen Wilson's pad. Don't quote me on that, however.

There are Different Degrees of Losing

It's going to be hard for me to say, but I have a better chance at becoming a bikini model than Cleveland has at becoming NBA champion. Game 4 should provide a great soundtrack to bore you to sleep at night.

If you're looking for something to get you excited, perhaps the bombing of one of Iraq's holiest sites will make you more than a little uneasy. The first attack years ago has been cited as the root of sectarian violence in the region. In technical terms, blowing the towers at the shrine up fucked everything up worse than it is fucked up already.

The two sides of the Palestinian coin Hamas and Fatah are engaged in a bitter civil war/power struggle, and they have decided to turn up the heat. Nothing is out of bounds, with military forces attacking leadership houses. I'm not sure if you were ever really safe walking around the streets of Gaza, but I'm guessing today is a little less safe than it was yesterday.

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has been under fire since he silenced a critical television station. Chavez, the clown prince of the Southern hemisphere, is starting to flex his inner Machiavelli. If only the U.S. government could revoke Fox News' license for failing to serve the public interest, I'd vote Chavez for President in 2008.

News of the weird leads off with an L.A. Times profiling students that live a college life while not actually being enrolled in school. Let me be the first to tell you that if I didn't have to be in school, I sure as hell wouldn't be hanging around the library pretending to study philosophy.

Texas officials are reporting on widespread use amongst high school kids of a heroin-based cocktail drug known as cheese heroin. The $2 smack is mixed with the drug found in Tylenol PM and other sleeping medicines. I never needed help falling asleep in high school, and I have never done a drug named after a dairy product. But then again I have never lived in Texas.

Stalker engine Facebook has drummed up federal charges for an online predator. Allowing people like this into the Facebook community is akin to allowing a Catholic priest to be in charge of a youth summer camp. Shame on Facebook and the predator (and while I'm at it, shame on the Catholic Church).

Russia, the country that poisons critics in other nations, poisoned Kremlin protesters...with the smell of feces. Most protesters were driven away by the foul aroma of fertilizer that was conveniently strewn around the protest area. You know what they say. If it looks like shit and smells like shit...

Smile When You're Down

No matter how bad the circumstances (being arrested), nor how atrocious the haircut (killer mullet, dude), it's always good to be able to smile in times of adversity. Smile on while the blog dishes out the skinny on a world full of adversity.

Slate leads with deeper analysis of testimony by Monica Goodling. The Slate take is that Goodling handled herself well in testimony in front of a mob of bloodthirsty lawyers and made both parties look like buffoons. It's amazing when an inexperienced young lawyer does a better job in a legal quandary than does Alberto "Convenient Amnesia" Gonzales, the highest ranking attorney in the land.

Despite all the wrangling in Congress, Americans are strongly behind the proposed immigration reform that currently sits before your local Representatives and Senator. Based upon the waning (if non-existent) support for the war in Iraq coupled with continuing government incompetence, expect the legislation to be shot down.

Every college and high school kid on the planet should be excited by the new customizable options that are expected to be allowed for inclusion at the social networking site Facebook. Now, instead of wasting 14 hours a day blathering on about how they hate their economics teacher, discussing how sweet their significant other is and announcing their weekend plans in a static, pre-determined social network, users will be able to blather on about how they hate their economics teacher, discuss how sweet their significant other is and announce their weekend plans in a user-generated social network. How refreshing!

One of the stranger stories of the day hands down is the Village Voice story about eco-bar Habana Outpost. Apparently, according to the pictures and the story, people help save the environment by wearing nipple slips and smoking cigarettes. NYC is trend-setting in the love of fads that are so ironic that few people realize how ridiculous they really are. I'd go at least once.

I'll finish with another piece in Slate that detailed how federal prosecutors estimated the value of an enormous drug bust. This tool may also be valuable in calculating the price of Jason Giambi's speed habit.

News You Can Lose

Tony LaRussa probably wishes the police had left him in jail after getting swept by the Mets in his season opening series. You probably wish I had been put in jail after break, but unlike LaRussa, even the Man (or the Mets) can't keep me down.

The superstar story of the last week has been the 15 sailors taken hostage by Iran. Recently, they were released. Iran realized if they were going to torture and kill anybody's military, these choices would be limited to the United States and France based upon evidence that both countries are full of people who are easy to hate.

The news behind the news points to mounting evidence that the U.S. is waging soldier-for-hire war with Iran while they also might be responsible for the British sailors being captured in Iran. If you are going to lose, you might as well lose big, and a war with Shi'ite Islam might be the next great step. I guess the quickest way out of Iraq might be straight through Iran.

In order to make sure the entire Middle East burns to the ground so that it can be built again from scratch, the U.S. is planning to arm Saudi Arabia and other "allies" against the newly-minted Axis of Evil opponent Iran. Israel is fighting this move. My suggestion would be move the Western Wall to China and move back after Bush is finished with his master plan.

On the domestic front, Barack Obama is rolling in the Benjamins since he has raised $25 million in campaign funds. My suggestion would be to spend it on ads to air during "American Idol" and then announce run away favorite Sanjaya as your Vice Presidential candidate before Hildo and Eddie the Ambulance Chaser get any ideas.

Murder and mayhem return to HBO next week when the Sopranos return to New Jersey. The show will wrap up. Afterward, the big question will not be what loose ends weren't wrapped up but where will any actors from New Jersey whose names end in a vowel ever find work again?

Media matters include the best news coming out of Indonesia. Playboy editor Erwin Arnada was cleared of indecency charges today. At least one can be confident that they can buy smut over the counter before the death squad executes them.

Of course, the favorite media darling is the story of freed journalist/blogger/anarchist/activist/independent media icon Josh Wolf. Wolf was imprisoned for over seven months for refusing to turn over footage of a G8 summit protest in San Francisco. His status is a hot potato topic that courts and journalists are all too happy to avoid defining. The future of media will either be a Constitutionally protected mass media collective or a Constitutionally protected all-inclusive collective of information. Stay tuned.

Billionaire Howard Zell bought the Tribune Company. Finally, somebody with billions of dollars can buy my team, spend money on them and lead them to glory in a way that a "gum company and a media conglomerate" (according to Mr. Downey) could not.

In real sports, former wide receiver Darryl Stingley died early this morning in Evanston, Illinois. The 55-year old was paralyzed by a devastating hit in a pre-season football game by Jack Tatum. This event was credited with changing the way football is played, although it certainly had no impact on the Cleveland Browns actually winning Super Bowls before or after the fact.

Billy Donovan put the Gator chomp on Kentucky today when he announced he is staying at Florida as head basketball coach. As long as he doesn't start coaching football, baseball, cricket, rugby or hockey, I'm sure Ohio State will have a shot at winning a championship in something over the next few years.

Barry Bonds is still hitting home runs. This is good for my fantasy team, but bad for everything else baseball related.

Finally, check out the Onion's article on David Ortiz and Jackie Robinson. Hilarious! He doesn't get it like Griffey.

The arts and odds and ends bring up the rear. Keith Richards is adamant that he did not snort his father. Dad will qualify as the only powder Richards didn't put up his beak.

Finally, I guarantee that if you get arrested for drunk driving, you do not A). want to be a municipal official, B). be in a bikini, and C). be a man.

Another day, another dollar

As the great philosopher Gene Autry once sang, "I'm back in the saddle again."

The really important international top story is the newly minted confession by 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed (who looks like a haggard "Time to Make the Donuts" guy Fred the Baker from the Dunkin Donuts commercials). He also claimed responsibility for bombings in a number of other countries, including Bali and Britain. After six years of questionable interrogation techniques and illegal incarceration, at least the U.S. will get a chance to show Iraq how to properly handle a high profile execution (if there is in fact a way to properly handle any execution).

On a more serious note, he also claimed responsibility for the execution of journalist Daniel Pearl, a Jewish American reporter for the Wall Street Journal. This is a tremendously sad event.It is so depressing that instead of making a joke about it, I will type in a moment of silence.








My good friend Tom Hemsley has been urging me to get focused on the Alberto Gonzales/federal attorney fiasco. He sees it as a cheap, partisan shill. I find that hard to believe. What kind of fool would buy into a low blow allegation like that? Well, for starters, the Nation magazine does. They call this the biggest scandal to plague the Attorney General since the 1920s. Another blog at The Nation identifies the Gonzales issue and Walter Reed as another in a long line of miserable failures by a misguided leader. A CBS interview profiles a terminated Democratic U.S. Attorney who claims he was given no reason for termination after prosecuting a person trying to start an al Qaeda training camp in Oregon as well as the Millenium bomber. Okay, maybe it was a cheap, partisan shill. How was I to know? Now I do.

The New York Times is reporting that progress in Iraq is lagging behind initial goals set by President Bush. These are the same pessimists who are still denying that the mission has in fact been accomplished.

On the front of the ever growing hoard that also doesn't believe the mission has been accomplished is Alabama teenager Ava, who makes professional quality anti-war video clips out of her bedroom. Her Web site has been receiving more and more hits. It is a terrible thing when a 16 year old can figure something out that the President can't.

But at least the war on terror is still going strong. Finally, the Justice Department is taking a bite out of that Miss Chiquita Banana hooker and her terrorist militia ties in Columbia. When nothing else is working, at least you can fall back on the war on terror.

With everything else going so smoothly in Washington, it is also difficult to fathom dozens in the G.O.P turning away from the No Child Left Behind/No Child Moves Forward education plan. House Minority Whip Roy Blunt and as well as Representatives John Cornyn and Eric Cantor (all Republicans) are all jumping off the ship. It appears that in the near future, George Bush will be the only child being left behind.

Federal attorneys who weren't fired recently have taken up prosecution of Angel Raich, a patient with scoliosis, a brain tumor, chronic nausea and other ailments that uses medical marijuana to treat her illnesses. If the war on terror isn't working, you can always go back to the ever successful war on drugs.

Or maybe you can't. According to a National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse report, frequent binge drinking and abuse of prescription drugs is up at college campuses. I'm not a doctor, but as a professional student, it would be pretty easy to blame unsafe behavior on taking the edge off the cost of college. But what do I know?

In other health news, the L.A. Times covered two cases of Chagas disease being transmitted in Los Angeles by blood transfusions. I worked on a project at a medical school with a researcher who was studying Chagas disease, an illness passed by an insect known as the kissing bug throughout Latin America. The disease causes flu-like symptoms at first, which subside and are then followed by severe organ failure as much as 20 years later, and it can be transmitted through blood transfusions. The illness is becoming more common in the United States with its increasing Latino population. Many, but not all blood banks check for Chagas disease. Ding ding ding...U.S. Government, it's your turn to take over.

In media issues, the same L.A. Times has come under fire because two reporters successfully nominated themselves for a Pulitzer Prize. Each newspaper is limited to three nominations, and some feel that this process by the Times was unethical. Everybody, that is, except for the guys who got nominated.

Sports will become all college basketball all the time with March Madness now. I always need an excuse to sit in my apartment in my underwear drinking beer and screaming at the top of my lungs. This is the kind of activity that fills my time card this time of year. So, ladies, if that's the kind of trait you look for in a man, I'll be at the apartment drinking in my underwear until 4:30. Then I have to step out and turn in a paper. I'll be back in my boxers at six. Just knock on the door...pants are optional.

In the ever-growing growth hormone problem, center fielder Gary Matthews, Jr. finally denied using HGH. This advice evidently came from his lawyer, O.J. Simpson murder trial attorney Robert Shapiro. Hopefully Shapiro can explain how Matthews' batting average went from .255 to .313 in one season in addition to his amazing spike in power. It was probably something in the water.

Also in MLB news, Pete Rose admitted to betting on the Reds every night when he managed for them. ESPN Sports Center determined that he would have lost money doing that. All I know is that I bet that admission won't help him get in the Hall of Fame. I'll keep making that bet every night, and I'll keep winning.

Mark Prior is continuing his meteoric decent into mediocrity, taking a dive to the minor leagues.

Prior's injuries were previously mocked by the Chicago Tribune in a column called "Prior Watch" that detailed every minute of his injury updates every day in print. He was the second player drafted when he was selected by the Cubs. Now he is being mocked by a guy with a bag on his head in a White Sox jersey. Oh how the mighty have fallen!

The NFL is expected to agree with the Players Association on a new automatic one year suspension for criminal behavior. It will be called the Pacman Jones/ Chris Henry/ Tank Johnson rule.

Finally, this scandal is so big that it could probably eat half a ton of edamame and soba noodles and come back for seconds. A Japanese muckraking publication is saying that Sumo wrestling is fake, and participants are denying the charges vehemently. I always wondered how Yokozuna made the easy transition to the World Wrestling Federation. Now at least I know.

This bit will wrap up with the crazy news department. Back to issues of HGH, but this time by an American icon, Sylvester Stallone has been charged with importing 48 vials of human growth hormone into Australia. It was obvious from the beginning that only heavy drug use could have caused somebody to be so delusional that they would make the movie "Rocky 7."

Another great topic in the Cleveland Scene is the article about Amish girls getting wasted. As a person who sold piles of liquor and beer to Amish guys whose secular buddies brought them to the liquour store in a van, let me be the first to tell you, "Na Zdrowie."

Finally, a new record may have been set for the best (or worst) criminal of all-time. A 13 year old Nelsonville, Ohio boy has been charged with 128 felonies, including burglary, theft, vandalism and witness intimidation. This may be the final proof needed to ascertain that some of the children have, in fact, been left behind.

Unfortunately, this may be the last political rant for a few days as the operation is moving on to sunnier spring break pastures.

The daily news in 750 words or so

Today's news seemed to sway towards entertainment and sports more so than towards matters that actually affect people. It was that or my attention just picked up on these stories. This might have had something to do with my rush to judgment in the O.J. Mayo arrest. It might have been Greg Oden's announcement that he might stay for one more year (although he still won't graduate from Ohio State). It might have been the blurry head I woke up with this morning. However, this is the lineup of what's going on today.

In front page news, President Bush continued his persona non grata tour of Latin America, meeting with Mexican President Felipe Calderon. Probably the best part of this article, besides the "Could I throw this pinche gringo over this ledge and get away with it?" look on Calderon's face, is the contrast of the headline "Answering Latin Left, Bush Pledges to Help Poor," with the photograph caption that begins " President Bush and President Felipe Calderón of Mexico met for three hours at a luxury hotel." My first suggestion would have been to have the meeting in the Hotel Prim, which according to Expedia, is a steal at $43 per night. But you can't win them all.

Suicide bombers in Pakistan have started to focus attacks on civilian targets as well as military targets according to a New York Times report. President Musharraf refers to the increased attacks as a Talibanization. Whether this is true or not, this would definitely make a great title for Justin Timberlake's next album.

Also, after using Expedia to get hotel rates in Mexico, I can tell you without a doubt that Mexico is a far better vacation destination than Afghanistan. The best hotel rate I could get in Afghanistan was a double room with satellite television for $175 per night. The only real benefit to the vacation is the fantastic exchange rate between the dollar and the afghani. However, the margaritas are far more difficult to find in Kabul than they are in Ciudad de Mexico. At least the opium is plentiful.

As a trifecta from the Times, the civil rights group Council on American-Islamic relations has come under scrutiny for purported links to Hamas and Hezbollah. Yes, America--fighting terrorism one civil rights activist at a time!

On the health front, USA Today cited research that states that cancer rates will swell 55 percent by the year 2020, and that the increase in oncologists will not be able to keep up with the demand. This comes on top of a previous New York Times report that predicted a similar shortage in geriatric practitioners based upon the aging population. One Dr. Gregory Rutecki performed clinical research on this topic and correlated career choice with controllable lifestyle, suggesting the trend will continue. This is all the more reason for me to keep drinking and practicing irresponsible sexual behaviors--so I can beat cancer and the shortage of old people doctors in the future!

At least the Onion has the right advice for the Hillary Clinton Presidential campaign.

Domestic news stories are slightly less depressing, but equally noteworthy. New Yorkers are outraged by some maniac who beat up a 101 year old woman and robbed her in front of a surveillance camera. I haven't seen New Yorkers this upset since the Red Sox came back from an 0-3 hole to beat the Yankees in the 2004 ALCS.

On a lighter note, Colorado state legislators are fighting a battle to get John Denver's "Rocky Mountain High" declared the state song. Opponents believe the "High" is a drug high, while Sen. Bob Hagedorn believes it refers to endorphins. Hagedorn is a Democrat from suburban Denver, a city that decriminalized marijuana in 2005. Whether the song is about being high off pot or life, it is certain that the majority of the population of Boulder is still high off one of the two from the last John Denver concert in the late 1990s.

Now it's on to depressing sports news. The New York Times features a story about dementia amongst former football players. The increasing problem has united wives of the players who often need assisted living that can sometimes be tough to come by with the fickle nature of the NFL retirement plan.

The problem of not remembering who a player played his football with is more common than one would guess. Michael Irvin did so much coke he can't remember if he belongs in the Hall of Fame or not. Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson used drugs on the sidelines. Steve McMichael and Dan Hampton were so drunk when the Bears were so drunk in 1985 that they probably barely remember winning the Super Bowl. Luckily, their retirement plans will allow them to keep living this way, while older generation superstars who can't remember their past are trying to figure out the future.

In cheery, happy sports news, the Chicago Bulls out-Irished the Celtics 95-87 last night. Tyrus Thomas was decked out in St. Patrick's day garb which may or may not have helped him drop 23 on the hapless team named after the Irish.

In the category of everything else interesting, Slate featured an article that suggested NCAA bracketology as being the preferred method for people to create their own "Best of" lists. Using this methodology, one can easily determine that Rush Limbaugh is the world's worst pundit, defeating Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity and Ann Coulter in the Final Four.

In the meat is bad/organic and fair trade is good department, a Times editorial criticizes treatment of animals as food while a Christian Science Monitor article cites fair trade and organic food as a growing market in Britain. Hooray on both fronts!

Arts news allows me to continue being an a%$hole. Social scientific research using factor analysis has identified music choice as an indicator of personality type. Despite the questionable value of factor analysis in certain situations (i.e. psychological research on deeply rooted cultural phenomena like music), the article led me to some interesting conclusions. Mainly, my conclusions are that people who listen to Fall Out Boy are emotionally shallow, intellectually deprived suburbanites, people who listen to Fergie are easily fooled by slight of hand tricks and that people who listen to Justin Timberlake are extremely stupid, American or both.

I don't know what that says about the codgers who were treated to a one song Who concert in Tampa last night. Maybe they won't be fooled again. I don't know what this says about my generation. I guess the kids weren't all right.

Who said what about whom?

On my daily news sojourn, I end up checking out half a billion sites so that I seem half informed while discussing whatever idiosyncratic anomaly is causing the e-mail boxes of America's net-izens to shoot messages back and forth. Today was a tremendous day for news.

The newest Washington scandal involves White House ordering Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to terminate eight federal prosecutors who were not actively pursuing voter fraud cases. This was one of many charges levied behind the scenes at the White House. It's good to see the Bush White House get serious about voter fraud in his final term. Better late than never.

This comes on top of a number of reports that have begun to identify combat veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan as returning with a noticeable mental health problems. The ratio of troops returning with mental health problems is as high as one out of three. Well, at least they can receive treatment at Walter Reed. Err, I mean...

On top of all the other positive vibes emanating from the armed forces comes this little nugget. The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Peter Pace has called homosexuality "immoral" in a Chicago Tribune interview. This is obviously going to be an enormous setback in my campaign to help Andy Dick by allowing a military experience to help him maintain a little discipline.

In international news, the Sudan is still a mess. Now, not only are government troops a problem. Now the rebels are causing problems. Both SLA and janjaweed troops are gunning down aid workers. Mark Sudan down as a fantastic place for a reporter to make their career, and an equally fantastic place to dodge gun fire.

Media reports were blowing up all over the place. The big money story involves Viacom filing suit against YouTube and Google for $1 billion. Viacom wants compensation for what it claims are over 160,000 unauthorized clips posted on the video sharing site YouTube. If you would have asked me two years ago to put a cash value on Carlos Mencia and My Super Sweet 16, I would have offered you all of the change in my pocket and the red pepper hummus in my refrigerator. But what do I know?

Although this isn't news per se, it is a fantastic journalistic tool. The Project for Excellence in Journalism's News Coverage Index is a large project that analyzes 48 or more news sources in order to paint a picture of what the American media are covering in a given week. This week, Scooter Libby is the big topic, followed by the 2008 election and Iraq. The index breaks down different media separately. They also do a talk show index in case you want to know what Papa Bear O'Reilly has to say. This is an excellent resource and it is well worth checking out.

In freedom of information news, the state of Texas is expected to file more than 400 bills that involve freedom of information issues. These bills are expected to remove documents that are currently available from a Freedom of Information request from public access. I expect all of the journalists in Texas, the major legal defense groups in the field and all of the hippies in Austin to battle this one out.

In the list of hirings and firings, ESPN has hired NFL Hall of Fame Running Back and Dancing With the Stars champion Emmitt Smith as a network analyst. Smith is replacing former teammate, loose cannon and jailbird Michael Irvin. Way to be a team player Smitty!

Where Emmitt Smith goes, Sports are sure to follow. The Pittsburgh Penguins will keep playing in Pittsburgh according to a report in the Post-Gazette. This should be extremely good news to both National Hockey League fans in the city.

Again, however, college basketball is the story of the day. Instead of being stories about impressive athletic performances, however, today's stories focus on overwhelming failures. The New York Times profiled suspended Gonzaga power forward Josh Heytvelt, a sophomore who was arrested with an ounce of psychedelic mushrooms earlier this season. I always thought Adam Morrison looked stoned with that ridiculous mustache. However, it is fairly obvious in most instances that the only way to watch West Coast Conference basketball is with an ounce of mushrooms in hand. It makes all the other schools look competitive with Gonzaga, who is in the NCAA tournament.

Also in the same department of overwhelming college basketball success stories coupled with indubitable failure comes the report in the Sporting News that 10 percent of Ohio State basketball players graduated with degrees from Ohio State between 1996 to 1999. It is sometimes difficult to criticize a school where academic stalwarts like Andy Katzenmoyer roamed the sidelines and excelled in the classroom.
Hopefully Greg Oden's 11 teammates get a degree before he bolts for the NBA in a month.

An emphatic happy birthday goes out to Twins pitcher Johan Santana. Santana wants the Twins to give him a contract extension. They should give him anything he wants. If I had been smart enough to trade that pocket change and hummus for Comedy Central and MTV stock, I'd chip in and send him to the Cubs and mail Mark Prior to Peoria myself.


Speaking of the Cubs, I believe that Carlos Zambrano should walk, not run, when he puts the ball in play.








Cleaning up the leftovers, today marks the 226th anniversary of William Herschel's cataloging of Uranus as a planet. In local oddities, the Dayton Daily News reports on a person being arrested with 350 pounds of marijuana, basically ruining John Popper's plans of doing a special impromptu event in Columbus. Finally, California Congressman Pete Stark is the highest ranking U.S. official to come out as an atheist. God bless him!

Block News for 12 March

Your national story of the day is the continuing Walter Reed hospital public relations fiasco. Today the highest ranking medical officer General Kevin C. Kiley resigned. He is the third person to resign in this scandal that combines politics with medical ethics for a story that ends badly for all involved.

However, in terms medical coverage about other hospitals, I am convinced that no medium covers medicine in a more interesting fashion than the Los Angeles Times. In terms of the importance of the stories that the Times has covered, today's story might not even be the best. But their tenacity is fantastic.

This article tries to link a drug overdose to shortsightedness by military hospital personnel in Los Angeles in a similar backdrop to the Walter Reed story that involves a recovering drug addict. Some of these ethical dilemmas make for great theater. March 2 they ran an article about a doctor who deliberately overdosed a patient with sedatives and pain killers while six staff members watched and did not intervene. The doctor was a transplant surgeon, and used the drugs to hasten the death of an organ donor.

This is another in a long line of stories the L.A. Times has run about transplant centers gone awry, as each of the links in this sentence will demonstrate. The names that seem to come up for reporting the stories is Tracy Weber and Charles Ornstein. Hopefully the medical community will applaud your efforts. These are great stories.

On other pages of the L.A. Times (namely the front page), the fallback plan for Iraq was detailed. The plan is based upon the pullout from El Salvador in 1980s. It is good to see that Plan G is in place if the troop surge Plan F doesn't work. Plan F is naturally the good natured but problematic follow up to the failed Plans E,D,C,B and A. Glad to see some planning and scheming going on behind the scenes.

Sports news involves one topic and one topic only today. Go March Madness or go home. It's that simple. Every commentator on the planet is crying about who could've, should've, would've been in the tournament. I can't decide who to put in my pool final four. This year, I'm going front runner with two one-seeds and two two-seeds in my Final Four. I'm traveling through the pool with a Salt Lake City conservative approach.

Of course, criminality and sports keep boiling in the background. Chris Simon got suspended for teeing off on Ryan Hollweg's face with a hockey stick. In the WWE, that might get him a title belt. In the NHL, it gets him a 25 game suspension.







Also, former North Hill basketball player O.J. Mayo was arrested for marijuana possession. The 6' 4 point guard is the highest (no pun intended) rated player in high school basketball. He is projected to go from one year of NCAA basketball to the NBA fast lane. Mayo, who committed to USC, is a Cincinnati area youth. He was apparently strongly influenced by the behavior of his hometown football team the Cincinnati Bengals.

Lastly, in entertainment, the House of Representatives subcommittee on telecommunications and the internet is having a hearing tomorrow with video archive of the discussi0n available. This is an important issue involving music, radio and Web communication. Stay tuned and make sure this ends well.