An Army of One

The Marines are suggesting that they should withdraw from Iraq and concentrate their efforts on Afghanistan while the Army remains in charge in Baghdad. Iraq is such a crappy place to be, the leathernecks would rather be hanging out in Afghanistan under U.N. command than stay in Mesopotamia. That's unreal.

The Washington Post detailed the White House's desire to target companies who employ illegal immigrants, and explained why the courts nixed that decision. It's good to see somebody in the other two branches of government actually CHECKING the power of the Executive branch for the first time in a long time.

The House resolution to recognize the genocide of the Armenians by the Turks during World War I has ruffled some feathers in the Turkish government. Now that the U.S. is nearly the last country on board regarding the state-sponsored campaign of murder that darkens Turkey's past, apparently Turkey will be the last to recognize the error of its (past) ways.

The general public might draw the conclusion that the media are prejudiced based upon Ann Coulter calling Christianity "perfected Judaism" and Fox News radio host John Gibson identifying the Cleveland school shooter as white based upon the premise, "I knew it as soon as he shot himself. Hip-hoppers don't do that. They shoot and move on to shoot again." It's too bad that purported news outlets would give these simpletons a soapbox to stand on, but you should expect nothing less than a quality product from Bill Gates and Rupert Murdoch's operations.

Finally, the crazy story of the day has to be the New York pizza shop owner who is accused of manufacturing counterfeit money behind the pizza oven. I'll take a large pizza with green peppers, mushrooms and convincing counterfeit $100 bills (for research purposes only, of course).

A Tall Glass of Blackwater

News keeps pouring in about the misdeeds of our hired mercenary goons in Iraq. Apparently Blackwater, a security company meant to protect American officials in Iraq, made a number of poor decisions in evacuating people from a secure compound in addition to their poor decision to kill Iraqi civilians. Who would have imagined that letting a bunch of cowboys run around Iraq armed could have turned out so badly? Apparently not the White House, that's for sure.

Further evidence of the federal government ignoring those displaced by Hurricane Katrina comes in the form of cities attempting to close down the confederated trailer parks where those who lost their homes in the storm currently live. Boy, if the people of New Orleans didn't get jobbed well enough by the shortsighted efforts of FEMA and their minions, now they'll get to experience the unbridled joy that comes from getting screwed at the local level.

In the habeas corpus department, selected members of the Gitmo gulag will be able to request lawyers to help battle their status as enemy combatants. If they want to put up a real fight, I would suggest getting any one of the lawyers who represented Phil Spector to fight their case.

Those looking for another reason not to support the Clinton 2008 rush to the White House need to look no further than her controversial campaign advisor--George W. Bush. He knows what he's talking about, because if there was any candidate that won an election after a more controversial tenure than the Clintons, it would have to be junior Bush.

Google and Microsoft are now taking off their gloves in the battle for computing supremacy. Whichever company wins, the public probably loses. Between Microsoft's monopolistic practices and Google's invasion of privacy, it's akin trying to pick your favorite type of genocide.

The new media revolution has now moved to Myanmar, where bloggers are a major frame of reference for media organizations looking for information about the protests in the country and the violent government backlash that followed. While the channel may have been closed by government officials when they clamped down on the internet, it's interesting to see that somebody uses a blog for a useful purpose (as opposed to yours truly).

Finally, in news of the weird, Slate produced a feature that detailed the best articles about sex from the year 2007. Just missing the cut were Larry Craig's restroom hijinks and Michael Jackson, who is probably having massive problems getting laid since he isn't actually married.

The Wall St. Journal is Fair and Balanced

The announcement finally came in today, and Rupert Murdoch is the new captain of the Wall Street Journal. Many have predicted that he will turn a respected daily newspaper into the Fox News Journal. Others believe that he will try to steal advertising from his media rivals including the New York Times, trying to beat them the old-fashioned way--through sharp business decision making. Whatever happens, I can't wait to see the first Bill O'Reilly column on Lindsay Lohan's latest brush with disaster.

Coming on the heels of Iraq and its feel-good story with the soccer team is the latest report that U.S. troop fatalities in the embattled nation are actually declining. In other words, the glass is half full. Unfortunately, the glass is half full of piss and vinegar, making it very hard to swallow.

26,000 troops have finally been authorized by the U.N. to use force to protect civilians and aid workers in Sudan. Bush would pledge support, but he has to make up another member of the Axis of Evil and start a war with them before he can use the military for any truly useful purposes.

Mike McConnell, a chief intelligence official with the National Security Agency, discussed a series of unapproved moves made by the White House after they were granted approval of a warrantless wiretapping/e-mail program of domestic espionage. The program has always been controversial, and these revelations will win the plan no new fans. There is actually more support in America to sack football, basketball, hockey, auto racing, poker and baseball, thereby making soccer the nation's favorite competitive endeavor.

The White House isn't winning supporters on many fronts, with an editorial in the Los Angeles Times calling George Bush out on his intent to veto a bill that would give medical insurance to 8 million uninsured children. Is it even possible that somebody would disdain public opinion so much that they would submarine medical care for helpless youth? I guess I just answered my own question.

The British are leaving! The British are leaving! The longest standing deployment of troops in the nation's history is leaving Northern Ireland. Whenever they withdraw their troops from Iraq, they'll be finished with all of the military campaigns that are currently irritating British citizens.

The Tour de Drugs is over, and what would the race be without every rider being thrown off tour before the newly-crowned winner is accused of a horrendous doping scandal? Doping expert Werner Franke claims to have presented evidence to German authorities that the Tour winner Alberto Contador, umm, cheated. The Tour de France makes the Grateful Dead tour look like Sesame Street in terms of drug use.

Crazy stories today include security agents at airports being asked to look out for a new insidious terrorist threat--cheese. Certainly some cheese smells strong, but this seems like overkill on security and overprotection from dairy products.

You could also pair the cheese you are eating in the airport parking lot with a nice bottle of red wine, which is a leading source of the antioxidant resveratrol. While some research shows that the quantities of resveratrol in red wine are not large enough to confer real health benefits from regular consumption, others counter with the argument that resveratrol is but one of many healthy parts of the complex liquid that is wine. Science will have to sort out the details, but if somebody tells me that drinking Cote Rotie makes me healthier, I will believe them.

Finally, USA Today columnist Janet Kornblum put together an article about the cruel fallout of online haters. Shut the fuck up you dumb bitch before I put my size 10 shoe up your rumpus. Note: This is a complete satire, performed for a cheap laugh. Besides, I wear a size 10 1/2 shoe.

Cubs Win, the Rest of America Loses

Power hitting (and face punching) pitcher Carlos Zambrano did his best for the Cubs, pitching eight innings and hitting a long ball. I still can't comprehend what bizarre alternate reality has the Cubs in second in their division.

The Richmond appeals court poked a bunch of holes in Bush's scare tactic approach to justice by declaring the indefinite detention of a citizen from Qatar to be un-Constitutional. I'm sure they had to see that coming eventually. If nothing else, the Onion take on the bumbling attorney general coupled with an ethically challenged hand crafted department of conservative jurists probably explains why it took so long.

In continuing Iraq coverage, Mother Jones offers a fantastic, interactive lie-by-lie coverage of the Iraq war. Reports continue to indicate that those lies are going to keep us permanently entrenched in the country. Experts predict the troop backlash will worsen with time. The Cincinnati Reds bullpen is more popular in Hamilton county than U.S. troops are in Baghdad, and both show evidence of getting worse.

The retention and recruitment rates of the military are down, and the reasons why keep multiplying. A troop training domestically is lost and unaccounted for. Hopefully he just got the right idea and left.

Law professor Geoffrey Stone came down hard on the military's exclusionary don't-ask-don't-tell policy. He compares the policy with the separate but equal legislation of the past. Also coming down badly for those who working for the military PR machine was the Air Force admitting to the long-rumored gay bomb. I hope at some point the culture of the military can catch up to the culture of Birmingham, Alabama at the minimum in the near future.

The war crimes machine at the Hague keeps churning, with Serb Milan Martic starting his trial for his role in the troubled region's ethnic cleansing. That court definitely gets to see the creme de la creme of international scum mongers. Charles Taylor, Slobodan Milosevic and the Pan Am bombing suspects all hung out in the Hague. I wonder how long it will be before they get Bush and Cheney in front of the bench.

The bizarre story of the last week has been the young man serving a 10 year sentence for oral sex. The sentence was thrown out, but the kid is still in jail based on a legal pissing contest. If you want to see a guy who is spiritually opposed to going down on his lady, Genarlow Wilson is probably that guy.

It's in and it's official...Vince McMahon is not dead, it was a stunt. Wrestling fans fall for the stupidest things.