PETA banned from the Super Bowl

NBC has banned PETA's Super Bowl commercial because of concerns over the content of the ad. Some complain that PETA and its marketing are childish and overbearing. Others find PETA's ad campaigns sexist. Some on the other side of the divide think that this commercial censorship is a violation of free speech. It really doesn't matter how you feel about PETA in terms of prejudice. Now you can judge for yourself by watching the video clip.

Vegetarian Friendly Ballparks

I meant to write about this earlier. At least I got to it just in time for my Cubs to get swept for the second year in a row. I can always try the list next year. This write-up is better late than never, so here goes.

PETA came out with their 2008 list of the most Vegetarian Friendly Ballparks. The champion for the second straight year is Citizens Bank Park in historic Philadelphia. The home of the Liberty Bell is as friendly to vegans as Philly sports fans are unfriendly to Santa Claus. The array of choices includes meatless cheesesteaks, faux crab cakes, vegan burgers, vegan dogs, and grilled eggplant sandwiches. The concessions manager expanded the menu as a way of drawing a new batch of fans. According to the Daily News, they use the quality vegetarian food options as a way to draw non-sports fanatics to games.

Other veggie-friendly parks include San Francisco, Seattle, San Diego, Chicago (Stupid Sox), St. Louis, Detroit, Atlanta, Colorado, Tampa Bay and Arizona. Only Tampa and Philly are left in the playoffs, so many of these are offline until next season.

The 2008 winners list also includes vegetarian options at non-winning ballparks, as well as a list of the best minor league vegetarian options. I propose that the Columbus Clippers and their Dime-a-Dead-Animal-Dog promotion may have to make way for Rad Dog Veggie Nite in order to build the fan base for future dates.

World's Oldest Vegetarian

Anthony Kedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers was named the sexiest vegetarian piece of man meat for the year of 2008. There has to be somebody sexier than Kedis, who is one month shy of 46 (and to be honest, he doesn't look a day over 60). Leona Lewis fits the bill--she was the winner on the ladies' side of the bill. She is also half the age of Captain Blood Sugar Sex Magic.

If you really insist on voting for men for the Sexiest Vegetarian Award, I'm sure Tobey Maguire, Orlando Jones, Milo Ventimiglia and Andre 3000 are all sexier than Anthony Kedis (not that I'd f%$# any of them with your d*&% or anything like that...I'm just saying). This election is rigged somehow. Kedis' entire record label must have been voting for him or something. I demand a recount.

As an active voter in the vegetarian reality sex appeal popularity contest circuit, I can say I voted early and often in this poll, but never for the winners. I threw my endorsement behind Sophie Monk (because really, who wouldn't want to be behind Sophie Monk?), Carrie Underwood and Natalie Portman. But, as the cruel mistress Democracy has shown me before, my vote doesn't really matter. Whatever.

I'd just like to state for the record that I did not vote for Anthony Kedis. The general public may be voting for him as a sexiest lifetime achievement award or something like that. But the award doesn't say anything about lifetime achievement--it's a sexiest-right-now honor.

The Sexiest Vegetarian franchise

PETA has expanded their sexiest vegetarian award to recognize people who don't have talent agents promoting their candidacy for World's Sexiest Vegetarian. The winners of the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door were some douchebag named Chris (who cares?) and the lovely Shona Barnthouse from Utah.

I follow these awards religiously. I'm still upset that I haven't been nominated or recognized as the world's sexiest vegetarian. Perhaps I was too famous to qualify for the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door. But I'm voting for myself on the next go-round.

As recognition of her talents, Shona won a weeklong trip to Maui for herself and a friend. Let me be the first to volunteer to be your friend Shona. I can rub suntan lotion on your back as we sip piña coladas on the beach enjoying vegetarian Polynesian eats. It would be a hell of a time. Call me.

Hug a Vegetarian Day

One week from now, it is National Hug a Vegetarian Day. I'll be expecting some serious embraces from a whole lot of places. Next Friday, hit me up--I give good hug.

Microsoft Drives Me Crazy

In what must be one of the saddest stories of all time, the cyber-pirate Microsoft Corporation lost its appeal and may be forced to pay a record €497 million court fine for anti-competitive practices in Europe. Bill Gates will get to celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day with a giant, "Arrr, matey! Shiver me timbers!" after the European Union pillaged and plundered the booty in Gates' bank accounts.

The Federal Reserve cut key interest rates in a move designed to improve America's economy. Hopefully the new energy in the economy will generate enough scratch for Bill Gates to pay off the right people in Europe.

One of the day's most interesting stories was the L.A. Times piece on the multimillion dollar cache of fine art in Iran that is kept in a basement. The works of Picasso, Van Gogh, Pollock, Warhol, Monet, Pissarro and Bacon are kept in an underground room with the public unable to view the art because of political and religious concerns. Perhaps we could sell Iran some of our more modern artistic treasures like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan so they can also keep them hidden from public view.

Immigration and issues of illegal aliens come up in interesting places, including the fine wine industry, where wineries that require manual labor in order to harvest the best product are under strain because of tighter border security limiting their potential pool of workers. I don't know how many illegal immigrants it takes to make my favorite single vineyard California Pinot Noir, but if the quality of California wine goes down, I'll be more than happy to buy my single vineyard Pinot Noir from Burgundy.

Today's favorite conduit for controversy is Andrew Meyer, the University of Florida student who was subdued by police Taser in a video that was featured in a post here yesterday. Critics are starting to question his credentials as a journalist after reading some of his editorials that were basically senseless rants with little to no fact checking. Hey, famouswriterman, I guess Andy Warhol's prognostication of everybody having 15 minutes of fame was pretty accurate.

Also in regards to the difference between fame and infamy, the Dallas Cowboys signed embroiled defensive lineman Tank Johnson to a two-year contract. Luckily for Tank, he's more difficult to tackle and take down with a Taser than Andrew Meyer was, so the police will usually ask Johnson nicely to turn himself in when he's a wanted man. Unluckily for the NFL, Johnson is also a magnet for trouble. Hopefully he can stay out of jail long enough to face the Bears in the post-season.

Speaking of football players and felonies, Texas is leading the nation in players suspended and crimes (allegedly) committed this season after Coach Mack Brown suspended running back James Henry for being charged with two felonies in retaliation for a separate incident involving two other Texas football players and an (alleged) armed robbery. Mack Brown is allegedly the coach, and allegedly he recruited these felons, so if the University of Texas is indeed allegedly an institution of higher learning, they should fix some of these real problems before the governor calls the National Guard to take down your roving (and 6th- or 7th-ranked) gang of thugs.

Finally, in vegetarian news, Alicia Silverstone is getting naked to promote vegetarianism. It's good to see that her cruelty-free diet has helped her to shed some of that Batman weight. I have had a hankering for Silverstone since her appearance in the Aerosmith videos, so she does qualify as an animal product I would eat.

Maybe Next Year

For the umpteenth year in a row, PETA has overlooked me in the category of the year's sexiest vegetarian. Without a question, the overall winner should be Natalie Portman, who is one of the only animal products for which I have an indescribable craving.

But come on. Bob Barker! I am way sexier than Bob Barker. Sex would have made his long run on the Price is Right unthinkable. I might not be Jared Leto or Joaquin Phoenix sexy. But I've got Barker no problem.

And while Corey Feldman might technically still qualify as a celebrity, he has been in as many films this year as I have. Granted, I don't have his bloated bank account, but I would have his number in a speed date forum, no problem.

Nobody knows who Dennis Kucinich is, even at his own party's debates. While I'm sure he makes a mean tofu pakora, I guarantee that I get the girl.

As a tribute to the award, Weird Al Yankovic should have to parody songs by fellow nominees Kenny Loggins, Moby, the GZA, Mos Def, Prince and Little Richard. I will radiate veggie sexy from the sidelines.

PETA needs to do a better job with the award that does more to further vegetarianism than the Tony Award does. I'm not sure what effects Broadway has on lifestyle choice. What I have determined is that I need to get more famous or the award needs more sexy.

Screw it. I'm voting for Leonard Nimoy and Pam Anderson. I'm just going to mail it in this year. Next year, I'm going to make an effort to convert Jessica Alba to my dark vegetarian way of life. Hopefully our relationship will get me on next year's list.