237 Reasons to Support Nuclear Power and Hillary Clinton

If you thought that lawmakers in Washington were glowing over their accomplishments last week, you might not have thought a raise in their exposure to radiation was responsible for their warm glow. A one sentence provision in a recently passed energy bill drastically increases funding for new nuclear power projects in the U.S. It seemed like nuclear power was already doing quite well, especially after the successful weekend "The Simpsons" film had at the box office. Montgomery Burns, it appears, should make out well on all fronts.

The Huffington Post has identified the newest beam of support for the White House case for a continued presence in Iraq...General David Petraeus. The good general is expected to issue a report on the situation in Iraq that addresses some of the shortcomings of the last few months worth of fighting the war on terror in Iraq while at the same time praising the results of the surge. This comes on the heels of a report given by the NYTimes that identified a U.S. intention to keep troop numbers up in Iraq through 2009. If this report were a musical, Petraeus would be singing "Cockeyed Optimist" while Bush and Cheney offer a duet of "The Song that Never Ends" with the word "war" superimposed in the places where "song" would be sung.

Ex Khmer Rouge prison chief Duch is the first of many expected to be tried for human rights abuses that occurred in Cambodia in the 1970s. While Pol Pot escaped the harsh punishment his actions deserved through death, at least the long-suffering victims will get a chance to see a few of his more notorious minions pan fried.

Chief Justice John Roberts recovered quickly after he had an unexplained seizure that sent him to the hospital. I'm not a doctor, but I'd blame the episode on Roberts standing within five miles of Alberto "It's Good to Have Known You" Gonzales' testimony in Congress. That logic could make concrete have a grand mal seizure.

Hootan Roozrokh has become what is believed to be the nation's first doctor charged with a felony for his role in a transplant. The transplant surgeon is accused of using drugs to hasten the demise of a patient in order to harvest his organs sooner. Dr. Roozrohk may also have become the first organ transplant surgeon in the United States to succeed in making people feel suspicious of a service that is meant to save their lives. You can bet that Doctor Demented will not be appearing in any of next year's public service announcements about organ transplantation.

Morbid coverage continues with the story of the death of the architect of the west coast offense Bill Walsh. Walsh, winner of three Super Bowls as coach of the San Francisco 49ers, died of leukemia at the age of 75. As a Bears fan, little pleased me quite as much as the stifling defense in 1985 coupled with the debut of the William Perry wrecking ball from the backfield, crushing your well oiled machine at Candlestick Park 26-10. But football wouldn't be like it is today without you, regardless of what team you coached. You were a great foe, and an even better friend to the game.

Chelsea Clinton is aiming to be the first two-time First Daughter with Hillary Clinton on the campaign trail. I'd prefer that Obama and his relatives inherit all of the First titles, but I'll take Chelsea Part Deux along with the Hillary in Charge show on the following, non-negotiable conditions:

A). I get to hang out at a bar two Saturdays a month on the Georgetown campus with Bill Clinton, canoodeling and cavorting the night away. I can crash in the Lincoln Bedroom afterward. B). I am given permission to misuse executive authority against Brett Favre in any way I see fit. C). Chelsea Clinton at least gives me some serious consideration as the future First Son-In-Law. If I achieve the rank of First Son-in-Law, I can crash in the Lincoln Bedroom whenever I have the need. And I can call Hillary mom. It's a small list of demands to get me into the fold. Like the Timberwolves, you'd probably better take the offer when it's on the table.

Finally, in the crazy news department, University of Texas researchers came up with 237 reasons why people have sex. They left off a couple of my favorites ("to celebrate the Bears going to the Super Bowl" and "it was either that or watching another episode of The O'Reilly Factor") while proving that no research is worthless so long as it gets you a news brief next to the story about Britney Spears' latest public foibles.

You Can't Teach Height

photo illustration by Jennifer Pottheiser, Getty Images

After literally minutes of deliberation, the Portland Jailblazers used the first pick of the 2007 NBA Draft to select Greg Oden. over number two choice Kevin Durant. The Trailblazers hope that the looks-50-but-actually-19-year-old center Oden will turn around a franchise that has been short on success since Clyde the Glide was losing NBA titles to Da Bulls while moving better than he did in his ill-fated appearance on "Dancing with the Stars." The Bulls took Joakim Noah in a move that should give us an entire roster of Final Four players, an entire roster of guys who jump high, run fast and can't score down low alongside an entire roster of guys with as many title rings as Mark Price and Karl Malone.

Dick Cheney and his insidious nature continue to top the news box. A few days ago, a Washington Post blog link addressed by this blog spoke of one of Cheney's nature gaffes. The House Natural Resources Committee would like to ask Count Cheney-la about his role in the killing of 70,000 salmon a few years ago. It's obvious he did it; it's ashame (and even more obvious) that he'll get away with it.

Democrats slugged it out in the debate, coming to a consensus that none of them liked the Supreme Court decision to limit the factor of race from decisions of school integration. Rather than crying over spilt milk, the party might have attempted to win the last election, a move that would have allowed them the power to nominate justices that would not have made this decision.

Speaking of long-simmering issues, the Senate crunked the second attempt to address immigration legisltion. At this rate, by the time Mexico reannexes the Southwest these laws ought to pass.

The Cleveland Scene covers a few online independent music sales portals that are creating real competition for conglomerate cogs like iTunes and the major(ly dissapointing) record labels. I'll throw my support behind anything that keeps big business out of MY music collection. This would be the same big business threatening to block Prince from selling his music in record stores because his Purpleness is giving his new album away free in a Sunday newspaper as a promotion.

The bald eagle was removed from the endangered species list for the first time in 40 years recently. Ted Nugent and his arsenal should have one bagged by Sunday.

MSNBC host Mika Brzezinski delivered a colorful protest about leading the broadcast with news about Paris Hilton. Joe Scarborough was in support of the importance of Paris news, but Ms. Brzezinski would have none of it. The only kind of Paris news I want is video that shows multiple clips of the hotel heiress doing drugs and making racist statements. Hilton is like the girl next door if you grew up in a brothel.