You Can't Teach Height

photo illustration by Jennifer Pottheiser, Getty Images

After literally minutes of deliberation, the Portland Jailblazers used the first pick of the 2007 NBA Draft to select Greg Oden. over number two choice Kevin Durant. The Trailblazers hope that the looks-50-but-actually-19-year-old center Oden will turn around a franchise that has been short on success since Clyde the Glide was losing NBA titles to Da Bulls while moving better than he did in his ill-fated appearance on "Dancing with the Stars." The Bulls took Joakim Noah in a move that should give us an entire roster of Final Four players, an entire roster of guys who jump high, run fast and can't score down low alongside an entire roster of guys with as many title rings as Mark Price and Karl Malone.

Dick Cheney and his insidious nature continue to top the news box. A few days ago, a Washington Post blog link addressed by this blog spoke of one of Cheney's nature gaffes. The House Natural Resources Committee would like to ask Count Cheney-la about his role in the killing of 70,000 salmon a few years ago. It's obvious he did it; it's ashame (and even more obvious) that he'll get away with it.

Democrats slugged it out in the debate, coming to a consensus that none of them liked the Supreme Court decision to limit the factor of race from decisions of school integration. Rather than crying over spilt milk, the party might have attempted to win the last election, a move that would have allowed them the power to nominate justices that would not have made this decision.

Speaking of long-simmering issues, the Senate crunked the second attempt to address immigration legisltion. At this rate, by the time Mexico reannexes the Southwest these laws ought to pass.

The Cleveland Scene covers a few online independent music sales portals that are creating real competition for conglomerate cogs like iTunes and the major(ly dissapointing) record labels. I'll throw my support behind anything that keeps big business out of MY music collection. This would be the same big business threatening to block Prince from selling his music in record stores because his Purpleness is giving his new album away free in a Sunday newspaper as a promotion.

The bald eagle was removed from the endangered species list for the first time in 40 years recently. Ted Nugent and his arsenal should have one bagged by Sunday.

MSNBC host Mika Brzezinski delivered a colorful protest about leading the broadcast with news about Paris Hilton. Joe Scarborough was in support of the importance of Paris news, but Ms. Brzezinski would have none of it. The only kind of Paris news I want is video that shows multiple clips of the hotel heiress doing drugs and making racist statements. Hilton is like the girl next door if you grew up in a brothel.

Be Careful Who You Have a Crush On

If you were thinking that Paris Hilton might be a good rebound hook up after she gets out of jail, just read the name on that Valtrex prescription. The best known little secret in L.A. got out via the relaunching of the Paris Exposed Web site and was reposted by the Smoking Gun. Hopefully God can help her with the little breakouts. I'm sure Ron Mexico would still date her if he isn't jailed for dog fighting.

The fighting in Gaza has caused the Palestinian alliance to be dismantled. The Washington Post believes that the events plainly illustrate Bush's failed vision of the Middle East. The scenario is: Abbas fires the Hamas leadership, Hamas takes Gaza, Fatah takes the West bank and everybody involved loses.

The immigration bill, widely supported by Americans, has found a second life. Now if only the bill that was going to pull American troops out of Iraq could find new life, we could say the legislative branch has accomplished something this term.

The space program once again proved that the space cadets in government aren't merely part of the Bush White House. Computer system repairs and other quick fixes have extended the stay of the Atlantis aboard the international space station. The Christian Science Monitor addresses the problems with aging computer equipment aboard the space station. I urge them against downgrading their systems to Vista.

Former U.N. Chief (and Nazi) Kurt Waldheim died yesterday. Most of Waldheim's defenses of his membership in the Nazi army sound suspiciously like defenses offered by Scooter Libby about his membership in the Republican Party.

Thankfully the NBA Finals are over. The Spurs brought out the brooms to sweep the hapless Cavs out of the most boring event since the last Olympic synchronized swimming competition. Across the border, a highly-touted young superstar got his initial taste of recognition as the game's top player when Sidney Crosby took home his first Hart Trophy as the league MVP. At least one of the hype monsters is as good as advertised. LeBron has little to worry about, though, because nobody will criticize him for losing a series that they didn't watch.

Crazy news starts off with the FBI logging its one millionth zombie computer. Luckily it isn't just the people using AIM while watching YouTube and updating their MySpace page that are zombies.

In the field of perseverance, a 73 year old Indian man failed his 10th grade examination for the 39th straight time. He was hoping the test would improve his marriage prospects. In America, they would have passed him based solely on his undying commitment. Most schools can't get high schoolers to show up 39 times per year. I'd suggest bypassing secondary school and aim straight for your Juris Doctorate from the University of Phoenix.

Finally, the YouTube candidate Barack Obama is being countered on the popular video sharing sight...by a half-dressed girl on a stripper pole singing about her crush on Obama. This video demonstrates the changing nature of campaign politics, as well as the fact that I will click on almost any link with a half-dressed woman on the other end.

A Pun in Hand is Worth Two in George Bush

You're either with us or against us. Never has this statement rung more true than when the entire party ran away from Bush and his policy as quickly as possible. Maybe the Republican Party is full of terrorists, because it seems they're all against Mr. Bush.

Christopher Hitchens penned a tremendous piece for Slate about the impending crisis for the Kurds in Iraq. On the heels of regional strife comes a new enemy straight out of Turkey. Kurdistan is as unlucky a proposal as it gets. It gets even worse that they (unluckily) have to depend on a U.S. President who couldn't spell Kurdistan if you gave him the first five letters. I say give the Kurds Kansas and make those people move elsewhere. They haven't done much with it in the 145 years its been a state. It's time for a new beginning.

That aforementioned President is proposing a 50+ year plan in Iraq that mirrors the U.S. involvement in Korea. Here's hoping the Democrats have a plan that will get us out of Iraq in 48 years at most (just in time for the Chelsea Clinton Presidential campaign).

Doctors have successfully turned mice skin cells into stem cells, and they believe they could perform this transformation on human cells. This takes the stem cell debate out of the pro-life arena and gets it into a more manageable forum. Hopefully they can work on some islet cells to fix my diabetes and some nerve cells in the brain to fix Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's Disease. While they are brewing up these brain cells, it might be helpful if they give some of them to our mentally deficient President and let him pass them around to the administration. The extra brain growth might help Gonzales and Libby remember some things, to be sure.

One of those pesky things that the administration will have to remember is whether or not they have secretly imprisoned 39 people on a human rights list. I keep hoping that blog journal entries are not the type of activity that gets one sent to secret prison. If anybody deserves secret prison, it's Paris Hilton, who is now out on house arrest instead of being scared straight in an unidentified cell in Afghanistan.

The immigrant legislation plodded on with its tenuous support, built upon a 49-48 vote that cut key measures out of the bill. It is interesting that the vote even might have changed if a couple other Senators showed up to vote. I vote that Congress should stop wasting time with immigration legislation and start tackling some real issues. Hopefully some of the newly recognized immigrants can come up with a better plan for an Iraq exit strategy. I'd vote for them if they could.

Bush and German Chancellor Angela Merkel continued their feisty little tango over global warming at the controversial G-8 conference in Heilgendamm, Germany. The odd couple have vastly different approaches to addressing climate change. Perhaps a ninth voice could talk some reason into W, because Merkel's aggressive German is not soothing the savage beast and his brutish reason.

The daily dose of weird news starts of with renowned architect Frank Gehry designing a playground in New York City. The creator of the Guggenheim Museum in Spain should add a whimsical twist on a childhood favorite. If I go, I'm definitely using some of the newly developed Dutch powdered alcohol before I get on the crazy slide.