Don't Mess with Partridge

Who would have imagined years ago that it would have been possible for a washed up show biz has-been who resurrected his career appearing on a television show about other has-been celebrities to suplex a dude who was famous strictly for appearing on similar low budget garbage productions at a show giving awards to nincompoops who appear on these types of programs? Watch Danny Bonaduce body slam "Survivor" villain Jonny Fairplay above, and remember never to chest hump Danny Partridge.

In the real world, reports are surfacing about Alberto Gonzales, the former Attorney General, authoring a series of secret documents that authorized extreme torture methods by the CIA after public documents decried these tactics. Amongst the techniques allowed in the secret files was forcing reputed members of Al Qaeda to watch all of the VH1 Really Awards and leaving out the Bonaduce/Fairplay tussle. Our government really is a bunch of brutal bastards.

Word in Iraq is that the country is fed up waiting for weapons for their police force to come from the U.S., so the Iraqi government is going to pay China $100 million for more guns and ammo. And who said democracy would never work in Iraq? Much like Wal-Mart, Iraq has discovered it can get what it wants and what it needs cheaper from China than from America.

Netizens looking to get their bullshit straight from the source need look no further than the new, handy-dandy U.S. Department of State blog Dipnote. I can't wait to see their next entry on how well they have created, "a more secure, democratic, and prosperous world for the benefit of the American people and the international community," through their efforts in Iraq. I can't wait to read Condi's next post...it will be great to engage her directly in the blogosphere.

Finally, Mr. Sulu will get to orbit through outer space forever now that they named an asteroid after actor George Takei. The "Star Trek" veteran who currently appears on the show "Heroes" was recognized by the International Astronomical Union's Committee on Small Body Nomenclature, an organization dedicated to naming celestial bodies and to saving small bodies like Nicole Ritchie and the skinny Olsen twin here on Earth.

A Tall Glass of Blackwater

News keeps pouring in about the misdeeds of our hired mercenary goons in Iraq. Apparently Blackwater, a security company meant to protect American officials in Iraq, made a number of poor decisions in evacuating people from a secure compound in addition to their poor decision to kill Iraqi civilians. Who would have imagined that letting a bunch of cowboys run around Iraq armed could have turned out so badly? Apparently not the White House, that's for sure.

Further evidence of the federal government ignoring those displaced by Hurricane Katrina comes in the form of cities attempting to close down the confederated trailer parks where those who lost their homes in the storm currently live. Boy, if the people of New Orleans didn't get jobbed well enough by the shortsighted efforts of FEMA and their minions, now they'll get to experience the unbridled joy that comes from getting screwed at the local level.

In the habeas corpus department, selected members of the Gitmo gulag will be able to request lawyers to help battle their status as enemy combatants. If they want to put up a real fight, I would suggest getting any one of the lawyers who represented Phil Spector to fight their case.

Those looking for another reason not to support the Clinton 2008 rush to the White House need to look no further than her controversial campaign advisor--George W. Bush. He knows what he's talking about, because if there was any candidate that won an election after a more controversial tenure than the Clintons, it would have to be junior Bush.

Google and Microsoft are now taking off their gloves in the battle for computing supremacy. Whichever company wins, the public probably loses. Between Microsoft's monopolistic practices and Google's invasion of privacy, it's akin trying to pick your favorite type of genocide.

The new media revolution has now moved to Myanmar, where bloggers are a major frame of reference for media organizations looking for information about the protests in the country and the violent government backlash that followed. While the channel may have been closed by government officials when they clamped down on the internet, it's interesting to see that somebody uses a blog for a useful purpose (as opposed to yours truly).

Finally, in news of the weird, Slate produced a feature that detailed the best articles about sex from the year 2007. Just missing the cut were Larry Craig's restroom hijinks and Michael Jackson, who is probably having massive problems getting laid since he isn't actually married.

TV News Time

I will be on WBNS' 6 p.m. evening newscast tonight in a segment on blogging. There will also be a download of the segment available after the piece airs. Check it out.