PETA has expanded their sexiest vegetarian award to recognize people who don't have talent agents promoting their candidacy for World's Sexiest Vegetarian. The winners of the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door were some douchebag named Chris (who cares?) and the lovely Shona Barnthouse from Utah.
I follow these awards religiously. I'm still upset that I haven't been nominated or recognized as the world's sexiest vegetarian. Perhaps I was too famous to qualify for the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door. But I'm voting for myself on the next go-round.
As recognition of her talents, Shona won a weeklong trip to Maui for herself and a friend. Let me be the first to volunteer to be your friend Shona. I can rub suntan lotion on your back as we sip piña coladas on the beach enjoying vegetarian Polynesian eats. It would be a hell of a time. Call me.