The Seven Blunders of the World

It is official. The votes are in for the New 7 Wonders of the World. Some of the wonders were shoo-ins. Some were more controversial. I feel that the omission of Jessica Alba's body was a grave oversight. According to the rules, the submission had to be discovered by the year 2000, and that was the year Dark Angel was on TV, so problem solved.

As many as 150 people were killed in a suicide bombing 100 miles north of Baghdad Saturday. The attack was estimated to be the most devastating of the year. This should continue the ever-shortening yardstick for success in Iraq (the Bush administration has pared the yardstick down to a trim six inches by now, and it's growing shorter by the day).

On the other terror front, the NYTimes is reporting that U.S. forces aborted a planned attack against the upper hierarchy of Al Qaeda in Pakistan in 2005. This marks the second time our energies in Afghanistan were called off at the last minute when they were getting close to the upper echelon of Al Qaeda, and the first time the Bush administration has supported abortion.

Always one to drag his feet, Bush is refusing to turn over Congressionally required documents related to the partisan terminations of nine U.S. attorneys. He IS the President, and apparently he can take his ball and go home.

Dick Cheney's fingerprints keep coming out more clearly on the issue of indefinite detentions. Cheney is under so much pressure at this point that he's hoping for Bush to make some embarrassing public gaffe to get people's attention focused on somebody who isn't named Dick Cheney.

The Red Mosque standoff in Pakistan continues to be at an impasse. The men leading the mosque are under criminal investigations and are described as "hardened terrorists" by investigators. The Al Qaeda linked group is holding hostages and threatening to commit suicide rather than being captured, two activities that won't do much to soften their image as criminal scum.

Fred Thompson is on record proving he can play for both sides, even in the Watergate hearings. Thompson, who cut his teeth turning the screws to Nixon in public committees, is recorded on the ocean of Nixon tapes and named as a sympathetic supporter. Nixon also calls the Law and Order star "dumb as hell" but willing to cooperate. Who knew Arthur Branch would compromise his ethics so?

Sports news today centered around people beating the crap out of each other. IBF heavyweight champion Wladimir Klitschko TKOed Lamon Brewster in six rounds Saturday night in Germany. Even better, Klitschko beat Brewster with a broken hand. The big money UFC fight between Tito Ortiz and Rashad Evans was a draw, proving that all of the hype that mixed martial arts was pushing boxing to the fringes of society might have been a bit premature.

Psychic (or just damn lucky)

It would be presumptuous of me to say I told you so. You might have heard it elsewhere. But two days ago, The seer-like Nothing Better to Do blog foretold of Lindsay Lohan's out-of-control lifestyle (and connection to cocaine) and the gray-area that is soldiers-for-hire in Iraq. If only I would have had Liddell over Jackson rather than Jackson over Liddell, I would be three out of three for the column (although that comparison was a metaphor rather than a direct comparison). Well, the great philosopher Meat Loaf (or Marvin Lee Aday) once said, "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad," so I'll take it.

In the Wild Wild (Middle) East, the NYTimes leads with the disparity in views on how much bedlam will ensue after American troops withdraw from Iraq. While everybody is disagreeing on how the anarchy will work after American-sponsored democracy collapses, the soldiers are left on the ground to fend for themselves on Memorial Day weekend. Most are hoping not to join the memorial just yet. The Times put together a powerful graphic that details all American casualties in the war on the Memorial Day weekend. A Salon editorial addresses the debate on Iraq War funding. It finds that Democrats are stuck in a quandary because the public equates cutting funding to Iraq troops with abandoning the troops, an idea the author calls, "a complete myth."

Soldiers in Iraq (and the citizens back home) are disinterested with your next election. The public is more interested in an expeditious end to Cowboy George's catastrophic failure. The sooner government gets its head out of its rump, the better chance your party might have of winning, oh, I don't know, maybe a Presidential election in 2008. I'm not saying the two issues are connected. Just think about it for a minute.

YouTube continues to fascinate and annoy. As if the rest of the country hasn't had enough experience wasting time watching videos of squirrels water skiing, the Times also profiles five great ways to waste time that include viewing the posts of the elderly, time-lapse photography of painting, crazy French improvised gymnasts, religious arguments and angry rants about why fat is the new sexy. Great--there goes my afternoon. Those damned agile French!

Finally, the Tennessee Highway Patrol is giving new meaning to the phrase "To serve and protect." In the serving department, trooper James Randy Moss had his mug plastered all over the news wires after porn actress Justis Richert (a.k.a. Barbie Cummings) posted on her blog that the trooper let her out of a drug charge in exchange for a full-service blow job he taped on his cell phone camera. In the protection department, Trooper Terry L. Rainey, a cop with a troubled history, pulled a gun on his father and shot his mother in the foot. The worst part is that he isn't the only department member to be charged with shooting a relative, and other troopers were returned to duty. When driving through Nashville, make sure you are dressed up in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit or that your last name differs from the cop pulling you over, and everything should be just fine.