Sue Like a Real American

When it rains on the Hogan family, it pours on the Hogan family! First his son gets in trouble, and now Mrs. Hogan (actually Linda Bollea) is filing for divorce from Hulk Hogan, asking for massive alimony and real estate settlements from the troubled entertainer. Who knows how it's going to shake out, but I'm guessing that season 5 of "Hogan Knows Best" should be a doozy.

President Musharraf is now former-General Musharraf. Many doubted that he would step down from the position in order to begin civilian rule. Now he has to try and work his way through the unrest in his country and the crisis of leadership that is brewing in his nation. It's too bad American citizens will be unable to reap the benefits of having their chief executive relinquish his role as military commander anytime soon.

Bad news continues for Blackwater in Iraq with the newest lawsuit accusing the hired goons of being hopped up on Chris Benoit levels of steroids. I wonder if they are being sued by Mrs. Hogan's lawyers.

Slate continues to slather the Web with multimedia election projects including a candidate map related to campaigning, rating previous candidate experience (both claimed and actual), interactive and constantly updated polls by state and country, candidates by cartoon coverage, an index of candidates separated by political futures values, candidates by cartoon, and the one-stop shop election scorecard that features any number of articles, videos and other random election element that will fill your 2008 election jones. It's only 341 days until you get to pick Bush II's replacement...much like Santa Claus, it's getting closer every minute.

Even though Fox News is reporting that recent developments have closed the door on fetal stem cell research, the jury is still out on that one. Who ever knew the Fair and Balanced Express would take a biased approach to news reporting?

Finally, in technology news, Microsoft Vista performance sucks compared to a service pack upgraded version of Windows XP. As reported many times before in this blog: Microsoft Vista is not good.

Tackling the News

You had to be outside of the loop to miss the story of the death of Redskins safety Sean Taylor. The gifted athlete never found himself far from trouble early in his career, but recent reports saw Taylor staying on the straight and narrow. This is a tragic event. I looked for some insight from the medical community, and I discovered that the 7-hour surgery might have been an effort to keep Taylor's leg intact rather than amputating his limb. This would be one more complicated detail in a life beset by bad decisions if it were in fact true. I wish everybody involved nothing but the best...hopefully, Taylor was able to outrun his life problems one last time.

If at first (in the Middle East) you don't succeed, try, try again. Following on the heels of the rolicking success story that is Iraq, President Bush has jumped with both feet into the eternal quandary that is peace in Israel. Never mind that he has ignored peace in Israel for the entire tenure of his Presidency...Bush really needed to try and start an endeavor with less chance of success than democracy in Mesopotamia.

Pakistan is back at the forefront of the battle between U.S. interests and the evangelical distribution of democracy. Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif is openly critical of the American-backed leader Pervez Musharraf, and his opposition is throwing a monkey wrench into another experiment in democracy that is going horribly awry for American interests. America always supports democracy...as long as democracy always supports American interests. Elsewise, Bush will mail Sharif back to whatever Saudi Arabian hole he crawled out from to deliver his rebuke of our party-line towing General Musharraf.

If you've been trying to sell your house, chances are you don't need a Wall Street analyst to tell you that the economy might be headed into a recession. Definitely don't bet your home against that one.

Those who don't believe that FCC regulation has screwed up the broadcast airwaves will be happy to learn that they are trying to backdoor their way into legislating cable television. Just keep your grubby mitts off of my HBO programming and I'll leave you be (for now).

Finally, in news of the what the f%#@!, a British teacher in the Sudan is being held for allegedly insulting Islam by naming a teddy bear in her classroom after the prophet Mohammed. This egregious act was considered slightly more insulting than the fictional act of a Chicago teacher whose class named a stuffed animal "Bartman the Bear" and equally insulting as a Romanian teacher naming a stuffed animal "Ceausescu the Bear."

Wrestling the News

Traffic accidents are now going Hollywood...Hogan. Apparently Nick Bollea, Hulk Hogan's son, was driving like a real American when Bollea was charged with reckless driving after he was in a car wreck that came after he was racing another vehicle. The accident led to serious brain injury to the passenger riding with Bollea. Little Hogan is dropping a serious Atomic Leg Drop on the Hogan P.R. machine!

The war on terror is entering the realm of unintended consequences, with the U.S.A. Today reporting that 15,000 people may be unfairly caught in the dragnet that is the terror list, and these innocent people are unable to get their names off the black ball list. Who knows how they are going to solve this quandary, and who knows how they are going to get Don Imus, Rosie O'Donnell and Dog the Bounty Hunter added to the list? I wish them all the best of luck.

Congress has finally banded together and overridden a veto by George W. Bush. This particular bill addressed water, education, labor and veterans programs, and it marked the first successful challenge to the Presidential veto during Bush's tenure. Now all Congress has to do is oppose an issue that means more to me than water issues, education, labor and veterans programs--like Iraq, maybe?

Pervez Musharraf's crackdown in Pakistan has missed one outlet in his nation's communication sphere--the internet. Pakistanis thirsty for information are increasingly turning to the Web to get information in the turbulent country. I wonder if the Pakistani Drudge Report is as reliable of a source of information as the domestic Drudge Report.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Alan Colmes voice of opposition in the Middle East, is continuing to thumb his nose at American interests after he announced that 3,000 centrifuges were being used in Iran to enrich uranium that could be used to fuel nuclear reactors or a nuclear bomb. Americans are threatening further sanctions if Iran doesn't change course, and Ahmadinejad is threatening to deliver the commencement speech at Columbia this summer if Bush doesn't reconsider his position.

The Hollywood writers strike has not only screwed the fans of sit-coms, talk shows and other programs. Now, it might start to screw the other people that work on the sets of these programs, from cameramen to grips, from lighting to catering services. As long as geniuses like Charlie Sheen and Aaron Spelling can still eat, I'm sure most people in L.A. won't lose any sleep over the issue.

Hall of Fame coach Don Shula is suggesting that if the Patriots finish the season undefeated, there should be an asterisk next to the record because of the Pats' role in the Spygate incident. I wonder if the holder of the sans asterisk record has any reason to be biased about the accomplishment.

Finally, in what must be the most bizarre story of the day, two college students were arrested for kidnapping and assaulting a teenager who owed them money for drugs. The two students burned the victim with freshly baked cookies, spanked him with a paddle, poured urine on him and shaved part of his head in an effort to get money from the person. According to future Attorney General Michael Mukasey, the acts are not torture in his humble opinion because the kid probably deserved it. Mukasey characterized the actions as essential in the war on terror. He was quickly confirmed by Congress, later waterboarding the pot money out of the kid and giving it back to the two poor frat boys.

The Larry King Show

It's official...Larry King is a feeble, old fool. The poor septugenarian is suing some hucksters who swindled him out of millions in life insurance scams. The case documents make Larry King look like a textbook mark in a con game. His interviews don't make him look much better. Pity the pathetic, senile dolt!

Pakistan continues to spin into chaos after President/General/Comandante/CEO of Pakistan, Inc./ All-Around-Good-Guy Pervez Mussharraf suspended elections and implemented emergency rule. When Bush hijacked an election and violated the rule of law, Americans barely blinked. It's good to see somebody standing up in Pakistan to Musharraf, the devil we know in the region rather than the devil we don't that will replace him. How will this nation address the problem? Look for either Pakistan to hold elections to appease critics in Washington, or Bush will suspend elections domestically in 2008 a la Musharraf in order to continue his crusade on Islamofacism.

Nominee Michael Mukasey is waterboarding his way into the position of Attorney General after he agreed to uphold future Congressional law on the controversial torture tactic, passing the Senate Judiciary committee vote and virtually putting him in office before the legislative branch goes on holiday. Somebody should waterboard the spineless Democrats who jumped ship on the blockade of Mukasey's nomination so they can appreciate his opposition to (most) torture.

At least John Conyers, One of those Dems with a spine actually is going to challenge the infallibility complex in the White House regarding the partisan U.S. attorney terminations. Who knows if anything will stick to the Teflon White House, but at least somebody is using their position in legislature to oppose the course of our rudderless nation.

Finally, at the curious intersection of media and sports issues comes the story of sound being pumped into the Colts/Patriots game Sunday afternoon. Whether Indianapolis or CBS is responsible for the gaffe, one thing is certain--the Patriots are one hell of a football team.

Cycling the News Cycle

Floyd Landis was stripped of his 2006 Tour de France title in a move that came as a surprise to nobody but Floyd Landis. I believe the story received way too much press because Landis and O.J. Simpson lack a certain characteristic called credibility, with Landis having the additional problem of competing in the only sport that could rival football in terms of being associated with steroids. Actually, Simpson has a better chance of being found innocent than Landis had based upon simple examination of facts. If somebody wants to put together a novel and enlightening article about the Tour, I would suggest trying to track down the guy in cycling who isn't on drugs in order to introduce me to an unknown quantity.

The Senate failed to pass a measure that would have been the first step in bringing troops home from Iraq. Come to think of it, I'm trying to remember the last time the Senate succeeded at anything. It was might have been recently, but I really can't put my finger on the exact date.

It was a great news day for loony world leaders and ideologues. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, had his request to lay a wreath at the memorial for 9/11 declined. He would have been received less warmly than Art Modell at a Cleveland Browns convention. Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is ordering his countrymen to set their clocks back a half an hour in order to create more daylight. Notice to Chavez: Day light and school hours can be changed without the arbitrary time shifts. Don't fix it if it ain't broke. And everybody's favorite fundamentalist cretin Osama bin Laden has issued a call for attacks on Pakistani President General Pervez Musharraf because of his actions against mosques in Pakistan and his cooperation with America. Musharraf countered by cutting off bin Laden's supply of beard dye.

Former CBS news anchor Dan Rather filed a $70 million law suit against his ex-employer for damaging his reputation in the wake of his termination. CBS might actually give him half of that if he'd agree to come back and take over for the ratings slump that is the Katie Couric experience.

If you haven't gotten your fill of election coverage yet, definitely check out the Slate piece about Mitt Romney's make-your-own campaign ad Web site. You can go ahead and insert any random Mormon joke and make it Mitt's campaign slogan. Bonus!

In sports news, I'm still baffled that Tank Johnson signed a new contract. Obviously character means little and talent means everything in the NFL. The most surprising fact is that the Cincinnati Bengals didn't sign Johnson after the Cleveland Steamers dropped a 51 spot on their defense. His character would have made Johnson a natural fit in the Queen city.

Finally, if Notre Dame didn't look bad enough playing football on the field this season, hopefully the burn of lost income at Bowl season will sting enough to make the school rethink its independent status. Even without a conference, Notre Dame will still finish the year in last place in its division.

NC Two A--Today!

It's back! College football is in the air, with LSU most likely wiping the floor with the overmatched Mississippi State tonight on national (cable) television. The fans are crazy. The predictions are in. One day after my complaints about the Big Ten network and cable television, my cable provider picked up the channel, which should give me all the fuel I need to watch OSU play its way into third place in the conference. The game is on. Let's play ball.

According to the Government Accountability Office (what a nice concept!), the surge has failed to meet 15 of the 18 benchmarks for success in Iraq set by Congress. In Chicago, Rex Grossman has failed to meet 16 out of the 18 benchmarks for success, suggesting that he will start and play through most of the season. You know what that means in Iraq.

Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf has agreed to give up his military rank in order to remain in office while simultaneously allowing exiled Benazir Bhutto back into the country to run for prime minister. The U.S. government views the plan as the least of many potential evils. U.S. citizens are presently contemplating the possibility of exiling most of the White House and putting somebody from the military in charge at least until the next election. I'll keep you posted.

Texas, a state whose capital punishment totals are dwarfed only by large totalitarian nations, is trying to set a new low in cause for execution. This bastion of good ole boys has executed the mentally retarded and (potentially) the innocent. Now, Kenneth Foster is set for execution August 30. He didn't murder anybody, but rather was the getaway driver who knew nothing of the murder committed by another man who was greater than 80 feet from Foster's vehicle at the time of the robbery. Foster has used his time in prison to develop his craft as a spoken word artist. Meanwhile, a judge in California has suggested that the state needs to fast track more executions in order to make the system run more effectively. Let's call him the CEO of Death, Inc. Across the pond in the European Union, people are looking at us now with the same disdain with which the Romans viewed the Barbarians.

In music news, a Viennese pathologist is working on determining whether lead poisoning by his doctor contributed to the death of Ludwig van Beethoven. In my opinion, the genius composer probably visualized how his craft would be thrown to the dogs when nincompoops like Fall Out Boy and Fergie became the famous composers of the day, and then Ludwig choked on his own vomit.

Speaking of musicians vomiting, clinically brain dead guitarist Keith Richards is outraged at negative reviews of a Stones show he had translated from Swedish papers. The reviews called him "Superdrunk," and "a bit confused." Richards probably cried himself to sleep inside a giant bottle of Absolut.

A Little Duct Tape Will Fix Imus' Career

He's back! Don Imus, the racist windbag with a face ready made for radio, settled his wrongful termination suit with CBS, and is expected to return to terrestrial radio very soon. One of the Rutgers women's basketball players insulted by Imus has filed a defamation law suit against the Human Race Riot, complicating Imus' return to radio. Radio has gotten so bad at this juncture that Imus and his ugly mug actually look good on a broadcast billboard.

Four truck bombs exploded in the Kurdish region of Iraq, killing at least 250 people and injuring 350. This is obviously another installment in the continuing success story of the American involvement in Iraq.

The Axis of Evil is expanding now that the U.S. has designated Iran's Revolutionary Guard as a terrorist organization. Like Bush said, "If you aren't with us, you're against us." It seems like less and less of the Middle East is with us.

Furthering the fruitless war on terror, the U.S. has expanded the use of satellites for the purpose of domestic espionage. With all of these new tools at their disposal, you'd think Congress would finally be able to crack Alberto Gonzales' wall of secrecy.

China does more every day to improve their commitment to quality with Mattel recently recalling millions of Chinese made toys that contained toxic chemicals. Made in China apparently is to quality what Made in a Sweatshop is to business ethics.

The mainstream media is giving plenty of reports about trying to save the miners in Utah, but they are ignoring the 324 safety violations in the mine since 2004 according to the Huffington Post. Introduce a bunch of reporters to shiny new technology and even they can't focus on the issue at hand!

Everybody was all over Obama for threatening military intervention in Pakistan if Al Qaeda was not being dealt with effectively by the Islamic nation, but why is nobody talking about Hillary's plan to nuke Osama Bin Laden? Perhaps they'd like an aggressive slogan to mark their campaign ambitions. The Democratic Party 2008--Don't Call Us Weak or Trigger Shy.

Baseball news abounded over the past 24 hours, with Hall of Famer Phil Rizzuto dying, Baseball Prospectus determining that Barry Bonds couldn't hold Babe Ruth's jock strap and Atlanta manager Bobby Cox setting the all-time record for ejections. All of this excitement will keep me from acknowledging the Cubs pathetic reign in second place in the NL Central.

Finally, authorities in Kentucky have apprehended the dreaded Duct Tape Bandit, a criminal who covered his face in tape to conceal his identity while he robbed stores. It's a little late now, but I'm sure removing a ski mask from your face is far less painful than removing a thick layer of duct tape from your mug. Just ask your future cell mate. He should be able to give you some friendly advice (amongst other things).

Crown John Daley's Ass

I was hoping that I could lead off today with the story of John Daly on top of the pack at the PGA Championship, but trained doofus Scott Verplank had to shoot 4 under to take a one stroke lead over the neatly chiseled specimen pictured above (as of press time). Nothing screams athlete like the Hooter's logo stretched over your man breast. What was Daly's secret to success in the oppressive heat? He recommends caffeine, cigarettes and a training regimen that involves slot machine gambling. Everybody roots for Daly because he makes the common man believe that no matter how much drinking, smoking, eating and lounging we do, we might be good enough at something to be crowned champion.

The stock market is rapidly turning to mush, with the credit issues in the United States causing economic unrest in Europe. Sounds like it's time to invest in Matthew Lesko's free government money plan before your stock portfolio turns to worthless paper.

After an angry rebuke from Washington, Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf canceled his plan to declare a state of emergency in his country. Maybe somebody should explain to them the lesson learned by most children at some point or another: pretending something isn't there doesn't make it go away.

Salon details the lengths it is possible for the executive office to go in espionage efforts after Congress allowed the secretive spying to continue. Maybe you aren't so paranoid, schizoid...they really ARE watching you.

Slate continues the bad press for America's mayor, going over Giuliani's shortsighted plan for health care that benefits the diabolical insurance industry more than the American people who don't own the Blue Cross/Blue Shield corporation. Bad press this election has correlated strongly with successful Republican fundraising, meaning that after this past week, Rudy should be in front by a county mile. Just check my columns for the past week. Giuliani fictionalizes his experience with terrorism. His daughter is voting for Obama. Fred Thompson is going to have to start calling Giuliani "Daddy Warbucks" if Right Said Fred doesn't start hitting Mariska Hargitay up for some campaign contributions soon.

Speaking of bad press, Google is trying out a new feature that will allow subjects of news reports to write a reply to the coverage. Hopefully the public relations minions from Barry Bonds and Alberto Gonzales' camps don't catch wind of these developments. The landslide of complaining could deluge the Web.

According to a recent study, increased cigarette taxes have decreased smoking. In other news, I drive less because gas is more expensive and I don't spend all day in strip clubs because I actually have to pay money to be there.

According to a recent survey by Mayor Daley, there are only 24 homeless people living in Downtown Chicago. Apparently the last time I was on Ohio Street, the entire homeless population asked me for money, or a few others enjoyed the opportunities available in the Loop and commuted on the train from Des Plaines.

In closing (and also related to Chicago), Coors is planning to continue the ad campaign that features stupid clips of football coaches talking with the Coors Light crew with material from former Cardinals coach Dennis Green and his famous meltdown.

Stupid Guy: Coach, we had a six pack of widemouth Coors Light cans in the cooler, but my buddies drank them all.

Coach Green: We had them on the hook, and we let them get away!

Stupid Guy 2: Is Coors Light the best beer of all time?

Coach Green: If you want to crown them, just crown their ass!

Classic!

News Break

It's getting easier and easier to tackle Michael Vick. Perhaps he should attempt to move himself out of the way of all this controversy before the league takes him out for good.

Speaking of easy targets, a federal appeals court has ordered the U.S. to turn all Gitmo information over to those who are challenging their detentions in the controversial facility. It is definitely time for somebody to make contact with the pitch before the bleeding obvious goes down.

The U.S.A. isn't the only country whose decision making is being called into question by the judicial system. Whipping boy Pervez Musharraf had his decision to remove chief justice Iftikhar Chaudhry from office overturned. The move is expected to further erode the embattled President's base of support. Musharraf is learning in much the same way that Tony Blair did how ineffective siding with Generalissimo Bush can be.

Israel has attempted to bolster the credibility of Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas by freeing 250 prisoners. Only in the Middle East and Paul Brown Stadium do more criminals give you a better chance at victory.

Mariane Pearl, widow of journalist Daniel Pearl, has filed a lawsuit against those responsible for the crime of murdering Daniel in Pakistan. She is suing a bank that she alleges is responsible for orchestrating and supporting the senseless act. In all of my future endeavors, my banking centers will not have blood on their hands as it will make me feel guiltier than usual when I'm paying my bills.

Democratic representatives in the legislature have been forced to push back voting reforms until the 2012 election. Based upon the last two Presidential elections coupled with the current batch of Republican candidates, the only chance the Republicans have to win the 2008 election is to push election reform back to 2012.

Google owns just about everything, and if they have their way, they'll be a Google phone coming soon to a theater near you. Google is proposing changes in the legislation regarding cell phone use. The next step is most likely for Google to send somebody over to your house to hang out and monitor you all day, thus effectively giving Google control over everything you do.

The Los Angeles Times profiled a family from New Hampshire who refuses to pay taxes and is challenging the government to come and get the back taxes. I have to admire the Bruce Campbell-like tenacity of some people's convictions.

Finally, NBA referee Tim Donaghy got in a bit of trouble when he was snared in a federal investigation alleging he made calls in games in order to influence the point spread for mobsters who were involved in gambling. I don't know for sure, but I bet that his career is over. Odds are he is a complete screw up. I'd wager his next job is going to be getting fouled by his cell mate.

Battling Defeat

Well, I'm back from the Windy City. Pitchfork was great. I'll have pictures of me enjoying Powerhouse Sound, Grizzly Bear and Battles up soon. I ate well. Zealous and Michael are fantastic. I will also post these pictures and reviews of these restaurants soon. I'll get this all ready for your enjoyment soon.

The USA Today starts off with the military requesting vehicles made to withstand the increasingly deadly improvised explosive devices in Iraq years ago, but Robert Gates and his predecessors at the Pentagon decided there were more important considerations to make in Iraq. The mounting evidence to the contrary finally forced Gates to change his mind. The Department of Defense and its protocol are the only type of oversight that makes the NFL's policy on concussions look humane.

Pakistan's longstanding truce is in jeopardy, and the government may have lost the tenuous agreement they had with tribal leaders. Al Qaeda is establishing control in Pakistan, and a U.S. plan to quash the problem with a torrent of money is being met with great skepticism. The problems in Pakistan may stream across the border and create greater problems for our troops fighting the "war on terror" in Afghanistan. It isn't like things have been going well since we packed up and sent half of the troops' support to fight unprepared in Iraq.

U.N. inspectors have confirmed that North Korea has shut down a controversial nuclear reactor. Kim Jong-il still reserves the right to antagonize and annoy anybody who will stand around and listen to his ramblings.

The Democrats are running away from the Clinton years much like every Presidential candidate is running from the current Bush administration. Candidates are advocating an economic policy that supports the people more than big business. Since I am a person and not a big business, I support it. When I get in an upper tier tax bracket, I reserve the right to reconsider.

The Los Angeles chapter of NAMBLA (a.k.a. the Catholic archdiocese) is coming under more fire after their record $660 million dollar settlement to victims of priest-driven molestation. The Cardinal was slated to testify in the law suit brought against the Los Angeles archdiocese, but he quashed that chance by reaching the costly settlement. I wonder how the churchgoers feel about financially supporting a religious order's taste in young boys and irresponsible sex.

The threat of crushing royalty rates were stopped at the last minute with the future of independent internet radio hanging in the balance. Keep track of this issue before internet radio starts to sound like stale commercial radio. Your grandmother's playlist looks a lot like the Clear Channel playlist.

Finally, the Boo Birds finally got their due when Philadelphia lost their 10,000 baseball game, becoming the first team to reach that dubious distinction. Much like a Philly fans in the postseason, I'm sure that ownership celebrated by drinking themselves into oblivion.

Three Yards and a Cloud of Trust

If politics were John Madden Football, Bush just asked Madden, and Madden called executive privilege. There is no way he called that play on his own.

To continue the football metaphors, it now appears that the offensive line is off the field and Bush is running the Iraq policy unprotected. That doesn't differ greatly from the support Bush is giving the troops in Iraq who yesterday were profiled traveling four precarious miles to get to a memorial for a fallen soldier who they had served alongside. With this kind of support, it won't be long before somebody sacks the Quarterback-in-Chief.

A Congressional report released today states that the White House failure to fill posts at the Department of Homeland Security leaves the nation vulnerable to terrorist threats and disaster. Homeland Security and FEMA did so well in New Orleans, it's hard to imagine their performance in a less prepared situation.

Mother Jones is calling the Impeach Cheney-mania a little overblown. The high crimes and misdemeanors might be a high bar to clear. The public doesn't care whether he'll be impeached. They just want to see somebody twist in the wind.

Tunnels are being dug near a nuclear facility in Iran, and people are getting a little nervous. Their president swears the developments are for peaceful energy. It is hard to believe Mahmoud Ahmadinejad about peaceful energy after his call to have Israel wiped off the map.

The Red Mosque siege is expected to see negotiations start Monday. Pervez Musharraf can impress the militants by showing them the promising first half of a report on foreign investment in Pakistan by the Christian Science Monitor. Just don't show them the catastrophic effects the investments are having on the poor in the second part of the article.

Iowa has caught up with the rest of the country and they are ready for the election to move the election up to tomorrow. I am currently listening to the sounds of the world's smallest violin playing just for the residents of Iowa and New Hampshire.

Anybody who criticizes the pile of projects that make up the Google corporation obviously has never discovered a new class of Chinese nuclear sub with expanded ballistic missile capabilities on Google Earth. I also lost the cap off my flash drive at Alden Library last weekend. If somebody sees it on Google Earth, give me a call.

Media news involves Congress possibly creating a fairness doctrine for the conservative talk-heavy radio waves. It might be a good business move. I'd listen to Rush Limbaugh if it was a Hannity and Colmes setup with Rush and Al Franken. Since radio has no interest in what I want, I listen to satellite.

In reaction to the billion dollar Xbox 360 recall, Playstation has dropped the price of its systems $100 each in order to hit Microsoft while they're down. The only thing working against them is that you still will need to take out a home equity loan to afford the games and the newly-discounted system.

Finally, the 11-year old girl charged with drunk driving qualifies her as somebody whose parents should have bought her a discounted Playstation to kill time.I put my vote in for the Not the Parent of the Year Award.

The Seven Blunders of the World

It is official. The votes are in for the New 7 Wonders of the World. Some of the wonders were shoo-ins. Some were more controversial. I feel that the omission of Jessica Alba's body was a grave oversight. According to the rules, the submission had to be discovered by the year 2000, and that was the year Dark Angel was on TV, so problem solved.

As many as 150 people were killed in a suicide bombing 100 miles north of Baghdad Saturday. The attack was estimated to be the most devastating of the year. This should continue the ever-shortening yardstick for success in Iraq (the Bush administration has pared the yardstick down to a trim six inches by now, and it's growing shorter by the day).

On the other terror front, the NYTimes is reporting that U.S. forces aborted a planned attack against the upper hierarchy of Al Qaeda in Pakistan in 2005. This marks the second time our energies in Afghanistan were called off at the last minute when they were getting close to the upper echelon of Al Qaeda, and the first time the Bush administration has supported abortion.

Always one to drag his feet, Bush is refusing to turn over Congressionally required documents related to the partisan terminations of nine U.S. attorneys. He IS the President, and apparently he can take his ball and go home.

Dick Cheney's fingerprints keep coming out more clearly on the issue of indefinite detentions. Cheney is under so much pressure at this point that he's hoping for Bush to make some embarrassing public gaffe to get people's attention focused on somebody who isn't named Dick Cheney.

The Red Mosque standoff in Pakistan continues to be at an impasse. The men leading the mosque are under criminal investigations and are described as "hardened terrorists" by investigators. The Al Qaeda linked group is holding hostages and threatening to commit suicide rather than being captured, two activities that won't do much to soften their image as criminal scum.

Fred Thompson is on record proving he can play for both sides, even in the Watergate hearings. Thompson, who cut his teeth turning the screws to Nixon in public committees, is recorded on the ocean of Nixon tapes and named as a sympathetic supporter. Nixon also calls the Law and Order star "dumb as hell" but willing to cooperate. Who knew Arthur Branch would compromise his ethics so?

Sports news today centered around people beating the crap out of each other. IBF heavyweight champion Wladimir Klitschko TKOed Lamon Brewster in six rounds Saturday night in Germany. Even better, Klitschko beat Brewster with a broken hand. The big money UFC fight between Tito Ortiz and Rashad Evans was a draw, proving that all of the hype that mixed martial arts was pushing boxing to the fringes of society might have been a bit premature.

Rolling Around in the Gravel

If you had no idea who Democratic Presidential candidate Mike Gravel was before today, make sure to check out his compelling (and crazy) campaign video. Mike, I vote for you as the only Democratic candidate who can pull off McCain crazy. Congrats!

U.S. Diplomats in Iraq (i.e. the people who drew the shortest possible straw on President Bush's diplomatic assignment day) are complaining that they are vulnerable as construction of their fortified new embassy has hit numerous delays. The embassy (price tag: $592 million) has had many safety mistakes in the construction of the facility. The most notable of these safety mistakes is putting your half billion dollar embassy in Baghdad.

Strikes against radical militants at a mosque in Pakistan continue. More than 700 have surrendered and 19 have been killed in a siege at the Red Mosque. The sect showed very strong evidence of its radical roots when its leader Maulana Abdul Aziz was captured...in drag. Pervez Musharraf had better watch out. He can probably contain radical Islam, but he doesn't want to rile the radical cross-dressing sub-sect of Islam.

On the heels of Sicko and on the approach of another Presidential election, the NYTimes characterizes the different health plans for each of the Presidential hopefuls. The best health care plan I can visualize involves Clinton and Giuliani staying home on election day so my heart doesn't get crushed by candidate banality.

Hamas in confident that it can control Palestinian territory after the organization secured the release of journalist Alan Johnston. Israel later killed 11 in Gaza to remind to Hamas who is really in control.

The Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger has recently run into a couple of problems. In the movies, he could beat the tar out of the bad guys or blow them away with automatic weapons or even destroy them with clever one-liners. However, his stage persona is nothing compared to the power of number crunchers who found that Arnie finances his lavish travel arrangements by offering generous tax refunds to those who give him free travel and accommodations. Arnold might be back, but who knows if he can climb out of the controversy.

The most important sports news is that the Russian city of Sochi won the bid for the 2014 Winter Olympics. I was relieved to hear this news, because now I know what country they will be broadcasting the Winter Olympics from when I am busy not watching it.

Candymakers danced the dance of joy when researches connected dark chocolate consumption with lower blood pressure. Just keep telling yourself that, fatty.

News of the Weird covers a week's worth of crazy stories, and few were crazier than the paternity case involving a woman who slept with identical twins on the same day. (If the link doesn't match, the story will be here.) Both men are matches for paternity, and the brother being dragged to court is naturally blaming his twin. Bro, don't do me like that!