02 November 2007

Happy 200th Post

How does a blog commemorate its 200th post? A big party? Cake? Human sacrifice? At Nothing Better to Do, I will mark the occasion by lampooning the news and mocking those in power, those in positions of social prominence and random jerks on the street. Happy 200th!

The controversy-free nomination of Michael Mukasey for attorney general has run into a roadblock of...well, controversy. Mukasey is uncertain as to whether or not waterboarding is an act of torture, and Prez Bush believes that Mukasey is being treated unfairly on Capitol Hill by lawmakers who want him to commit on the issue. I'll say it's unfair! In celebration of the 200th post on this blog, I'm having my cake and eating it, too. Why should the boss of the judicial system not be afforded the same luxury?

From now until January 2009, election stories will be a staple of the political media sphere. The seemingly invincible Democratic party may be going out on a limb, showing their Achilles heel to Republican campaigners by considering a tax increase on wealthy Americans before the coming elections. Luckily for the Dems, none of the Carnegies or Rockefellers vote for their party anyway. Their problem may be convincing the working man that typically does vote Democratic that Hillary is just like one of them, and has their best interests in mind. Good luck with that one! John Kerry proved in the last election that only an idiot could lose to Bush, and the party should have their ineptitude perfected by 2008 to duplicate that kind of successful failure.

The donkey party is also working on hammering out their stances on another key component of their voting base--illegal immigrants. Despite the fact that illegals can't vote, there is a cultural connection between many of the first generation Latinos in the U.S. and the positions taken by the politicians. Democratic candidates also had to do their best in defining their positions to differentiate between illegal immigrants and space aliens like Dennis Kucinich.

On the other side of the fence, Mitt Romney's chief advisor on counterterrorism is in hot water because he is an executive at controversial sercurity firm Blackwater. Jesus Christ (of Latter Day Saints), does anybody in Romney's camp not think the media would point these slimy relationships out before the election? Was Chuck Norris too busy to take on the role of security chief because he was filming a new season of "Walker, Texas Ranger"? At least Walker never kills civilians!

In the Hilarious Party news, comedian Stephen Colbert will not be included on either the Democratic or Republican primaries for President in South Carolina, the only state in which Colbert is running, in a move that is seen by some as a funny plot to sell his book. Who knows what would have happened, but I bet that Colbert would beat the pants off of Tancredo and Gravel. And unlike Kucinich and Giuliani, Colbert actually means it when he says something funny.

The showbiz industry is getting worried now that the writers may go on strike. Now that there is nothing but reality television and "Law and Order" on television, how will they replace the geniuses that created brilliant vehicles like "Shaq's Big Challenge" and "Kid Nation"? Oh, that's right...reality TV has already made writers obsolete. At least I still have HBO.

In sports news, Martina Hingis is retiring from tennis ahead of news of a positive drug test for cocaine. Tennis officials who stated that cocaine is not a performance enhancing drug obviously never saw Steve Howe or Doc Gooden throw a baseball.

The crazy news department begins with reports of Don Vito, the drunken uncle on Bam Margera's MTV show "Viva La Bam," being found guilty of sexual assault of a minor. I don't know what's more shocking...Vito molesting little girls, or the parents of little girls letting them within five miles of this lunatic.

Finally, a couple vacationing at Disney World was robbed at gunpoint by a clown. I can't wait to see that mug shot or to hear that APB go out.

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