17 October 2008

Sophie's Choice

Oh Sophie. How the mighty have fallen! Nearly two weeks ago I had you ranked on top of my hottest vegetarian list. You were guaranteed my vote for the coveted PETA sexiest vegetarian award (I call it a coveted award because I've been begging for one for years--it will really increase my street credibility down at the farmers' markets).

But now the cat is out of the bag. The Australian eye candy was spotted in a KFC. It gets even worse when you see Sophie walking out the front door with Colonel Sanders' goodies tucked under her sexy wing. Ms. Monk claims she was buying food for a homeless person, which sounds good, but it begs the question: were there no Subways or Chipotles around so you could use your charms to improve the dining habits of the housing-distressed residents of Hollywood? Make your assistant buy the chicken for your charity effort. That's what they're for, after all.

Maybe the media got it wrong. I know how merciless the Australian tabloids can be. Sophie, if you need some help, call me. I'll be like an Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor that will keep you away from the disastrous consequences of poultry. If you don't need a sponsor, I can also give you a shoulder to cry on. Despite your claim of being a dud, in bed, your above-pictured good will for animals says otherwise.

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