01 October 2008

World's Oldest Vegetarian

Anthony Kedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers was named the sexiest vegetarian piece of man meat for the year of 2008. There has to be somebody sexier than Kedis, who is one month shy of 46 (and to be honest, he doesn't look a day over 60). Leona Lewis fits the bill--she was the winner on the ladies' side of the bill. She is also half the age of Captain Blood Sugar Sex Magic.

If you really insist on voting for men for the Sexiest Vegetarian Award, I'm sure Tobey Maguire, Orlando Jones, Milo Ventimiglia and Andre 3000 are all sexier than Anthony Kedis (not that I'd f%$# any of them with your d*&% or anything like that...I'm just saying). This election is rigged somehow. Kedis' entire record label must have been voting for him or something. I demand a recount.

As an active voter in the vegetarian reality sex appeal popularity contest circuit, I can say I voted early and often in this poll, but never for the winners. I threw my endorsement behind Sophie Monk (because really, who wouldn't want to be behind Sophie Monk?), Carrie Underwood and Natalie Portman. But, as the cruel mistress Democracy has shown me before, my vote doesn't really matter. Whatever.

I'd just like to state for the record that I did not vote for Anthony Kedis. The general public may be voting for him as a sexiest lifetime achievement award or something like that. But the award doesn't say anything about lifetime achievement--it's a sexiest-right-now honor.

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