23 October 2007

Open letter to the crackhead who broke into my car



















Dear crackhead who broke my car window on Lester,

Oh where do I start? There's so many things I could say to you or about you. But I'm going to keep it short, sweet and to the point.

You are a soulless, meaningless jerk. You broke into my car through the passenger window. I hope you cut yourself fumbling around my car, and I hope you bled somewhere other than my car.

Who knows if you remember breaking into my car during the first inning of the ALCS game 6 during the 1st inning? Who knows if you know what baseball is? But you are definitely an Indians hater. Cleveland is full of enough dread after their history of coming up a little short this half century as well as the last year. You didn't need to agitate the situation by robbing cars during the Championship Series, dimwit.

The best demonstration of your mental faculties was that while robbing my automobile, you took a Sirius radio, an item that has no cash value, and nothing more. If a pawn shop or any other doofus gave you money for it (which they wouldn't btw), the radio won't be able to be activated after I canceled the subscription and reported it stolen. I realize that logic doesn't make sense to a person who smokes cocaine out of a soda can. But this should: The part that you overlooked even though it should have been obvious to anybody with half a brain was that there was $5 worth of quarters in my ashtray. You should have taken those. Unlike a stolen Sirius radio, quarters actually have a cash value.

I realize that it is a long shot that you might have access to the internet. It might be a stretch that you can read the English language. All I know is that you probably smoke crack while you stumble around thinking the world owes you something. I hope every drug crash you have is annoying as my trip to Safelite to replace the window you broke for $188. I would have paid an extra $20 to watch a video of the dealer turning you down on your crack for a three-year-old, stolen Sirius trade proposal.

I wish you a long life in prison performing fellatio for cigarettes. May your drug stash be cut, may the shack that you sleep in be blown over by a tornado, and may you always use birth control. My car is fixed while your life is in shambles. You broke my window and I still came out on top. Ha ha ha, it sucks to be you, crackhead.

Good day to you, street trash,

Jared R.

5 comments:

DJCALEV said...

Jared...you eloquently described the frustration I felt after getting my Jeep broken into while watching Game 2 of the ALCS up in Cleveland. I'm not convinced that my crackhead didn't also have an alcohol problem too (who doesn't - but this person appears to have lingered in my Jeep with a total disregard for time that only a drunk could appreciate). While stealing items of value (ipod, digital camera), he (or she) also remembered the value of good dental hygiene because my tube of Crest Whitening Toothpaste was also missing (packed for overnight). Part of me is very upset about getting my personal possessions taken from me, but I'm happy to learn of the high regard crackheads/criminals have for dental care.

draino said...

Wow. the exact same thing happened to me while I was in college.
Woke up one day and effin crackhead broke into my car(shattered window) took the detachable FACE to my stereo. The stereo itself was still there. It was installed so it would take a good 20-30 minutes or so to uninstall. There were screwdriver scrapings all around it where crackhead was trying to pry it out. Everything else was still there. They just took the face to the stereo and nothing else. And I had to pay that big sum to get the window replaced.
Dumbass crackheads. I'm still mad about that bullshit now that you mention it.

deraj1013 said...

Yeah...I'm not a big fan of crackheads.

DJCALEV said...

I tried to post this yesterday, not sure what happened. Anyway, here it is again...

Jared...you eloquently described the frustration I felt after getting my Jeep broken into while watching Game 2 of the ALCS up in Cleveland. I'm not convinced that my crackhead didn't also have an alcohol problem too (this person appears to have lingered in my Jeep with a total disregard for time that only a drunk could appreciate). While stealing items of value (ipod, digital camera), he (or she) also remembered the value of good dental hygiene because my tube of Crest Whitening Toothpaste was also missing (packed for overnight). Part of me is very upset about getting my personal possessions taken from me, but I'm happy to learn of the high regard crackheads/criminals have for dental care.

deraj1013 said...

Yeah...I have to approve my comments so spammers don't deluge my page. Sorry for the delay.