Finally, they got rid of the bad guy. No, I'm not talking about Michael Vick, although even that speedster couldn't outrun his dogfighting charges. Vick should be congratulated on finding Jesus, albeit after he mistreated and potentially killed a cadre of God's creatures he was entrusted to protect. No, the bad guy in question here is Alberto Gonzales, who finally offered his resignation after much heel dragging ensued. The case against Gonzales was strong. It's a shame that he and Vick won't get an opportunity to be roommates in the Federal Pen.
The American quest to find leadership in Iraq may be taking a turn down familiar streets soon, with former failed leader Iyad Allawi campaigning in Washington to take over for the current failure in leadership Nouri al-Maliki. Most Americans at this point are doing the same, contemplating the possibility of putting former failure Jimmy Carter back in office to stop the bleeding before President Bush II REALLY gets a chance to screw something up.
On the other front in the war on terror, the Taliban has harvested a record crop of opium, making the group the only religious order consisting of equal parts Tony Montana and James Dobson.
The death toll in Greece continues to rise after the county's battle with wildfires, once again illustrating the imminent danger of saganaki.
The battle between sports loyalties and corporate muscle flexing continues to fester with the Big Ten Network and most cable companies "worlds apart" in reaching an agreement that would allow Ohio State fans the pleasure of watching their football team crush powerhouse programs like Youngstown State and Akron on cable television. The quandary could spill over into basketball season as well. Luckily for me, my college football teams are Otterbein, who I will be able to watch on the local cable network as they get throttled by Mount Union 118-6, and Ohio University, who spent most of last season playing on Court TV, meaning that it sucks to be you, Big Ten fans.
Also in sports news, Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs was cited for crashing his $400,000 Lamborghini on the highway and abandoning it there. Good thing he signed that franchised player contract, because I'm sure that the lease office might be more than a little upset receiving their high-performance automobile back in pieces.
Finally, news of the weird crosses the war on drugs in Mexico, where one of the most important pieces in the country's battle with drug smugglers has been replaced by a mutt. Rex IV, the Tim Duncan of drug sniffing dogs, was kidnapped while being shipped off to a mission, and replaced by a mixed breed puppy. I have no idea what happened to poor Rexy, but if I had to guess, I'd say somebody borrowed him to perform some additional evidence searches at Owen Wilson's pad. Don't quote me on that, however.
And with the first pick in the 2007 draft, the United States penal system selects Michael Vick, quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons. Here's hoping your cell mate isn't carrying a rape stand, Mike.
The chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee is calling for the ouster of the "democratically" elected President of Iraq Nouri al-Maliki. It's a shame that American citizens don't have the option of picking new elected officials because the last batch of elected officials is ineffective and unnecessary.
The ineffective and unnecessary leadership at the White House is making a stand against health care for children of the middle class without insurance. Their logic is that if these kids die off young while their parents also die off from old age, nobody will be left to be critical of the shambles that are the Bush legacy.
The Democratic majority in Congress has given birth to a 33 percent increased budget meant to battle global warming. It's about time somebody in this country spent money on something that will actually do ME some good in the future. Bravo to their selflessness (and a hurrah for my selfishness).
If you think the U.S. has trouble in our coal mines, maybe you should try China on for size. Relatives of the 172 miners trapped in a flooded mine protested the government's inactivity related to their loved ones. China's relationship with good press is about as longstanding as Michael Vick's, suggesting that China may want to just shoot all journalists dead before the press corps tears China to shreds at its own Olympics.
Finally, sports and news of the weird intersect at the story of a 59-year-old senior football player at Sul Ross University in Texas waiting to hear if he made the squad 35 years after his junior year. I don't know what Mike Flynt thinks he's doing, but if he makes that roster, he may inspire Barry Bonds to be the designated hitter for the Angels until 2050. Boo that idea!
It's getting easier and easier to tackle Michael Vick. Perhaps he should attempt to move himself out of the way of all this controversy before the league takes him out for good.
Speaking of easy targets, a federal appeals court has ordered the U.S. to turn all Gitmo information over to those who are challenging their detentions in the controversial facility. It is definitely time for somebody to make contact with the pitch before the bleeding obvious goes down.
The U.S.A. isn't the only country whose decision making is being called into question by the judicial system. Whipping boy Pervez Musharraf had his decision to remove chief justice Iftikhar Chaudhry from office overturned. The move is expected to further erode the embattled President's base of support. Musharraf is learning in much the same way that Tony Blair did how ineffective siding with Generalissimo Bush can be.
Israel has attempted to bolster the credibility of Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas by freeing 250 prisoners. Only in the Middle East and Paul Brown Stadium do more criminals give you a better chance at victory.
Mariane Pearl, widow of journalist Daniel Pearl, has filed a lawsuit against those responsible for the crime of murdering Daniel in Pakistan. She is suing a bank that she alleges is responsible for orchestrating and supporting the senseless act. In all of my future endeavors, my banking centers will not have blood on their hands as it will make me feel guiltier than usual when I'm paying my bills.
Democratic representatives in the legislature have been forced to push back voting reforms until the 2012 election. Based upon the last two Presidential elections coupled with the current batch of Republican candidates, the only chance the Republicans have to win the 2008 election is to push election reform back to 2012.
Google owns just about everything, and if they have their way, they'll be a Google phone coming soon to a theater near you. Google is proposing changes in the legislation regarding cell phone use. The next step is most likely for Google to send somebody over to your house to hang out and monitor you all day, thus effectively giving Google control over everything you do.
The Los Angeles Times profiled a family from New Hampshire who refuses to pay taxes and is challenging the government to come and get the back taxes. I have to admire the Bruce Campbell-like tenacity of some people's convictions.
Finally, NBA referee Tim Donaghy got in a bit of trouble when he was snared in a federal investigation alleging he made calls in games in order to influence the point spread for mobsters who were involved in gambling. I don't know for sure, but I bet that his career is over. Odds are he is a complete screw up. I'd wager his next job is going to be getting fouled by his cell mate.
