Today's news seemed to sway towards entertainment and sports more so than towards matters that actually affect people. It was that or my attention just picked up on these stories. This might have had something to do with my rush to judgment in the O.J. Mayo arrest. It might have been Greg Oden's announcement that he might stay for one more year (although he still won't graduate from Ohio State). It might have been the blurry head I woke up with this morning. However, this is the lineup of what's going on today.
In front page news, President Bush continued his persona non grata tour of Latin America, meeting with Mexican President Felipe Calderon. Probably the best part of this article, besides the "Could I throw this pinche gringo over this ledge and get away with it?" look on Calderon's face, is the contrast of the headline "Answering Latin Left, Bush Pledges to Help Poor," with the photograph caption that begins " President Bush and President Felipe Calderón of Mexico met for three hours at a luxury hotel." My first suggestion would have been to have the meeting in the Hotel Prim, which according to Expedia, is a steal at $43 per night. But you can't win them all.
Suicide bombers in Pakistan have started to focus attacks on civilian targets as well as military targets according to a New York Times report. President Musharraf refers to the increased attacks as a Talibanization. Whether this is true or not, this would definitely make a great title for Justin Timberlake's next album.
Also, after using Expedia to get hotel rates in Mexico, I can tell you without a doubt that Mexico is a far better vacation destination than Afghanistan. The best hotel rate I could get in Afghanistan was a double room with satellite television for $175 per night. The only real benefit to the vacation is the fantastic exchange rate between the dollar and the afghani. However, the margaritas are far more difficult to find in Kabul than they are in Ciudad de Mexico. At least the opium is plentiful.
As a trifecta from the Times, the civil rights group Council on American-Islamic relations has come under scrutiny for purported links to Hamas and Hezbollah. Yes, America--fighting terrorism one civil rights activist at a time!
On the health front, USA Today cited research that states that cancer rates will swell 55 percent by the year 2020, and that the increase in oncologists will not be able to keep up with the demand. This comes on top of a previous New York Times report that predicted a similar shortage in geriatric practitioners based upon the aging population. One Dr. Gregory Rutecki performed clinical research on this topic and correlated career choice with controllable lifestyle, suggesting the trend will continue. This is all the more reason for me to keep drinking and practicing irresponsible sexual behaviors--so I can beat cancer and the shortage of old people doctors in the future!
At least the Onion has the right advice for the Hillary Clinton Presidential campaign.
Domestic news stories are slightly less depressing, but equally noteworthy. New Yorkers are outraged by some maniac who beat up a 101 year old woman and robbed her in front of a surveillance camera. I haven't seen New Yorkers this upset since the Red Sox came back from an 0-3 hole to beat the Yankees in the 2004 ALCS.
On a lighter note, Colorado state legislators are fighting a battle to get John Denver's "Rocky Mountain High" declared the state song. Opponents believe the "High" is a drug high, while Sen. Bob Hagedorn believes it refers to endorphins. Hagedorn is a Democrat from suburban Denver, a city that decriminalized marijuana in 2005. Whether the song is about being high off pot or life, it is certain that the majority of the population of Boulder is still high off one of the two from the last John Denver concert in the late 1990s.
Now it's on to depressing sports news. The New York Times features a story about dementia amongst former football players. The increasing problem has united wives of the players who often need assisted living that can sometimes be tough to come by with the fickle nature of the NFL retirement plan.
The problem of not remembering who a player played his football with is more common than one would guess. Michael Irvin did so much coke he can't remember if he belongs in the Hall of Fame or not. Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson used drugs on the sidelines. Steve McMichael and Dan Hampton were so drunk when the Bears were so drunk in 1985 that they probably barely remember winning the Super Bowl. Luckily, their retirement plans will allow them to keep living this way, while older generation superstars who can't remember their past are trying to figure out the future.
In cheery, happy sports news, the Chicago Bulls out-Irished the Celtics 95-87 last night. Tyrus Thomas was decked out in St. Patrick's day garb which may or may not have helped him drop 23 on the hapless team named after the Irish.
In the category of everything else interesting, Slate featured an article that suggested NCAA bracketology as being the preferred method for people to create their own "Best of" lists. Using this methodology, one can easily determine that Rush Limbaugh is the world's worst pundit, defeating Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity and Ann Coulter in the Final Four.
In the meat is bad/organic and fair trade is good department, a Times editorial criticizes treatment of animals as food while a Christian Science Monitor article cites fair trade and organic food as a growing market in Britain. Hooray on both fronts!
Arts news allows me to continue being an a%$hole. Social scientific research using factor analysis has identified music choice as an indicator of personality type. Despite the questionable value of factor analysis in certain situations (i.e. psychological research on deeply rooted cultural phenomena like music), the article led me to some interesting conclusions. Mainly, my conclusions are that people who listen to Fall Out Boy are emotionally shallow, intellectually deprived suburbanites, people who listen to Fergie are easily fooled by slight of hand tricks and that people who listen to Justin Timberlake are extremely stupid, American or both.
I don't know what that says about the codgers who were treated to a one song Who concert in Tampa last night. Maybe they won't be fooled again. I don't know what this says about my generation. I guess the kids weren't all right.
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