The NBA Playoffs are upon us. Hear the collective yawn escape everybody who stayed up to watch the Houston/Utah game last night and the collective gasp escape everybody in Cleveland and the NBA front office who saw LeBron turn his ankle today!
Criticism continues to pour in from Iraq. The Sunni bloc leader said that the proposed Shia/Sunni wall that will split neighborhoods in Baghdad will not work and will make things worse. The White House may want to look into the popularity of the former wall in Berlin to get an idea of how well this plan will endear them to the people.
At least security forces in Iraq are finally taking the initiative to act like Americans after a New York Times story came out about confessions being beaten out of detainees. If American hasn't taught Iraq about democracy, at least Iraqis learned how Steven Seagal gets information in his police films.
In national security issues, Air Force generals have ordered a review of defense mechanisms for satellites in orbit in outer space. This comes after the Chinese demonstrated the ability to shoot down one of their own satellites in orbit, hinting at the potential to unleash an electronic communication attack on the United States. As long as the first satellite taken down cuts off FoxNews to Ohio, the self-defense program is exactly where it needs to be.
Mutually assured destruction is also part of Commander in Chief Bush's national security plan, and he's keeping that concept alive with a bang as he moves forward with his plan to update America's nuclear arsenal. His abilities in foreign diplomacy are exceeded only by Kevin McHale's ability in basketball team building.
Wolfowitz and his efforts to repair Jewish/Islamic relations by dating across the divide continue to make the news. Ahh yes...the World Bank...fighting poverty one scandalous relationship at a time.
The Washington Post adds a caveat to those buying into Barack Obama's pledge to eschew donations from federal lobbyists. He is apparently bypassing the federal lobbyist money by taking money from...everybody else, including state lobbyists. He's a man of principles. Not very strongly held principles, but they are principles nonetheless.
In Cuban news, he's back! Fidel Castro met with Chinese officials in Cuba for the first time since his hiatus after diverticular disease surgery that installed, of all things, an artificial anus. He was going to try an anus transplant, but Karl Rove has been busy preparing a defense for his missteps and was unavailable to be sewn to the end of Castro's intestine.
Bill O'Reilly continues to be fair and balanced in arguing with anybody who will listen. His latest altercation involved Denver Post media critic Joanne Ostrow, a columnist who refused to appear on his show after she penned a critical review of O'Reilly's work. Undeterred, O'Reilly ambushed Ostrow in the grocery store parking lot with camera crew in tow. It sounds like this plus the wrestling match with Geraldo Rivera indicate that the no-spin zone is spinning out of control.
Public health professional Bernie Ellis is getting out of jail but is threatened with having his farm repossessed by the government after serving time on a medical marijuana conviction. Looking more like Jerry Orbach than Jerry Garcia, Ellis' actions have garnered great attention from medical rights advocates and more attention from Pacman Jones, who is going to need a hookup during his first eight game suspension at the beginning of season.
In conclusion, bizarre stories lead off with an Amish crime spree involving kidnap and buggy-jacking. The police are guessing the perpatrators could be anywhere within the three square mile radius they could have traveled in the horse-drawn carriage since the events transpired.
These same police may be amongst the heroes that saved Ronald McDonald from almost certain death after he was hanged and disfigured. McDonald was probably saying to himself, "Ouch...I'm not loving it!"
Above is the look of ecstasy and joy that comes from being named the father of the little bundle of money...err, joy Dannielynne. Congratulations on your success, and may I never hear the name Birkhead or Anna Nicole in the news ever again.
In real news, a throng of protesters loyal to Moktada al-Sadr demonstrated against American occupation in Iraq on the fourth anniversary of the fall of Baghdad. Unlike Americans, Iraqis have in fact discovered the fringe benefits of free speech and the right to demonstrate. Like Americans, they will also learn that President Bush is not listening.
The L.A. Times reporter Borzou Daragahi wrote a tremendous story detailing the last 4 and 1/2 years the reporter has spent in Iraq. He details the trials and tribulations spent by a reporter working to tell the stories of Iraqis in the war zones and inform the public in the United States. With everybody overly critical of MSM (mainstream media), it is good to see evidence of the value of real journalists who do news work for the public good (i.e. not bloggers and not the pundits).
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today that Iran plans to produce nuclear fuel on an industrial level, drawing sharp criticism from opponents of Iran's nuclear ambitions. President Ahmadinejad claims the materials will be used for energy needs and not weapons. That remark has been considered the biggest bomb (all puns intended) since Don Imus became a women's basketball commentator. Last week's hostage issue was the number one story of this week according to the Project for Excellence in Journalism, keeping the focus on Iran.
On the other side of the Axis of Evil, New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson enjoyed a tour of the U.S.S. Pueblo, a naval vessel captured by North Korea in the 1960s. Richardson, who is also a Democratic candidate for President, described the presentation as unpleasant propaganda, much the same way that Rupert Murdoch describes the movie "Outfoxed."
In trade issues, the United States has filed suit against China because of alleged widespread piracy of American movies, music, books and software in the country. This is a terrible move, as without $2 copies of Hollywood blockbusters available at bodegas worldwide, I will probably never pay to see another film again.
Media news leads with the Don Imus developments. Imus is an ancient out-of-touch relic of a radio host who called the Rutgers women's basketball team some very unkind, racist names on his CBS show. He was called to the mat by Al Sharpton, who has an interesting racist history of his own, and defended his comments to Sharpton and a senator, whom Imus referred to as "you people." The Rutgers team agreed to finally meet with Imus after issuing critical statements. Soon, Imus and his 1950s shtick should be right where they belong, off the air and locked inside a ranch where nobody has to listen to him or see his hideous hair.
While on the subject of old men with incredible hair cuts, it is nearly impossible to pass up the Phil Spector murder trial. Spector, one of the legends in recording whose influential career includes writing and recording scores of hits with every girl group ever in the 1960s and a number of rock and roll legends with his famous Wall of Sound, has been accused of murdering actress Lana Clarkson by blowing her head off with a shotgun. Clarkson has appeared in many television and film roles. The specter of Spector's craziness should make this trial the most fun since the glove didn't fit.
Sports news involves the new sheriff/commissioner Roger Goodell bringing the pain to repeat offenders in the NFL. The first two to go down were Adam "Pacman" Jones (full season) and Chris "Felonyman" Henry (8 games). Cleveland Browns fans are desperately trying to get coach Romeo Crennel, center LeCharles Bentley and quarterback Charlie Frye to go somewhere and get arrested immediately so they can start over again from scratch.
Finally, in bizarre news, the L.A. Times profiled 94-year-old John Rodriguez, California's oldest prisoner. The article states that his chances of parole for murder are slim, but even his past record is hardly enough to disqualify him from military service. Hopefully I'll see you in Baghdad, buddy.
