Nong's Hunan Express

Nong's Hunan Express is a Chinese/Thai spot that serves dishes that are much more exciting than its utilitarian setting. There is seating for about 12 inside the restaurant, which shares a plaza with a medical practice. The majority of business seems to be take-out, though there is typically a small but regular crowd eating in the restaurant.

The menu has a huge cache of Chinese and Thai vegetarian dishes made with a nice variety of fresh vegetables. Both cuisines are prepared in an authentic manner.

The vegatable egg roll, spring roll and fried tofu are meatless starters. The eggroll is stuffed with cabbage, carrots and mushrooms, and green onions, and it had a nice peppery essence. 

The Thai vegetarian dishes are all made without fish sauce. There are a variety of curries and different noodle entrees. Chinese items include the typical Sichuan, garlic and kung pao tofu preparations, as well as other stir fried vegetable classics.

There was a panoply of veggies in the phad pedt tofu. Fried cubes of tofu sit in a coconut hot yellow curry with basil, water chestnuts, carrots, baby corn, mushrooms, green and white onions, carrots, celery and green peppers. It is a collection of crunchy texture and spicy citrus flavors that marry perfectly on the plate.

With so many vegetarian options, diners could mix it up at Nong's and never order the same thing twice. It's a nice option that neighbors shouldn't just drive past. 

Eastern Wok

Eastern Wok is an inexpensive Chinese take-out on Columbus' far south side. It is a fast food operation with prices reflecting its quality.

There is a limited vegetarian menu at Eastern Wok. The diner is limited to entrees, which come in small and large sizes. Nothing is more than $6.25.

The five vegetarian entrees are sauteed broccoli, mixed vegetables, home style bean curd, Szechuan bean curd and broccoli with garlic sauce. The small portion is reasonable, while the large is absolutely massive.

The tofu in the Szechuan bean curd was cut into long, thick chunks. It was soft, and it soaked up the mildly spicy brown sauce. The carrots and peas added nice color and starchiness to the dish. Overall, it is competently prepared take-out at a reasonable price.

The restaurant has seating for less than 20. Orders are prepared quickly. Eastern Wok is geared toward nearby workers and locals.

Eastern Wok

Joey Chang's

Joey Chang's is a Chinese/Thai restaurant in Hilliard. It shares ownership with Chi Thai, an upscale fusion bistro on the Northeast side, and Joey Chang's prepares many of the same dishes as its sibling in smaller portions with a somewhat less formal atmosphere.

The menu at Joey Chang's offers five vegetarian appetizers and nearly 10 vegetarian entrees. Veggie appetizers include tofu vegetable soup, hot sesame noodles, veggie spring rolls and vegetable dumplings.

The sesame noodles are warm pasta drowned in hot peanut sauce with thinly sliced cucumber. The appetizer is big enough to serve two but delicious enough to keep all to yourself.

The veggie dumplings are stuffed with spinach and served with a soy ginger sauce. They are a boiled dumpling, and offer a wide range of pleasant flavors and textures.

My favorite dish at Chi Thai is the spicy pot of gold, and it remains strong at Joey Chang's. The presentation in Hilliard is a little more restrained, but the concept is the same. Unbreaded fried tofu triangles are combined with scallions and other greens, floating in a classic spicy Szechuan black bean sauce. It is sweet, smoky and spicy.

Other vegetarian entrees include spicy eggplant, ma la string beans, and Thai curries with tofu. Thai dishes can be prepared without fish sauce upon request.

The interior at Joey Chang's is a combination of kitschy Asian decor contrasted by modern flair. There is a full bar with beer, wine and cocktails. Happy hour during the week runs from 4-7. Prices for food and drinks are reasonably inexpensive. Service is brisk, and Joey Chang's also does a decent take-out business.

Joey Chang's

NYTimes op-ed: Eat more dog (or less pig)

A New York Times op-ed piece examined the logical problems of Westerners viewing some animals as food while viewing others as pets. The article hardly figures the whole tangled mess out (the author ends up eating a dog, so don't say I didn't warn you). However, it is one of those puzzles that makes you think.

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China Dynasty

China Dynasty is a Columbus institution that has been serving Chinese food since 1990 (1987 even, for the Upper Arlington location, which I did not visit). You only need to watch local broadcast TV at or around midnight to see a China Dynasty commercial, after which you will inevitably get the China Dynasty theme song stuck in your head ("China Dynasty...the home of the Happy Buddha,"...damn it, I'm going to be singing that song for the next week now!).

China Dynasty prepares inexpensive food that is better than its price range would indicate. It's hardly the top tier of Asian food available in the Capital City. However, the food is good quality considering its price point. There are a number of vegetarian entrees on the menu.

I started with a vegetarian spring roll. It is a Chinese-style spring roll, deep fried and filled with Napa cabbage, bamboo and mushrooms. It is somewhat bland, but the flavor is kicked up a notch by Chinese hot mustard.

The spicy bean curd is essentially a version of the classic ma po tofu (vegetarian note: ma po tofu is often made with shredded pork. At China Dynasty, it is recommended that you ask for the spicy bean curd without pork). Piles of tofu are pan fried in a spicy brown sauce with green onions and red peppers. China Dynasty does a solid job with a Szechuan standard.

China Dynasty has a full bar. The decor in the large restaurant is tasteful. The aim of the staff is to get a quick turnover at most tables.

China Dynasty makes solid if unspectacular food. Since it has a decent amount of vegetarian options that can be prepared quickly for a low price, China Dynasty is a good quality, inexpensive option for lunch. While you could definitely do better than China Dynasty, you could also do far worse.

China Dynasty

Lucky House

Cheap Chinese food can be a dangerous proposition. You really don't know if you're eating gobs of MSG or fried mystery meat, and if you choose poorly, you'll be paying for it in the morning. If you are looking to avoid the MSG hangover, I can attest that Lucky House in Westerville is a safe option.

The staff is gracious...and seemed to speak little English. They screwed up my dinner order by putting fried rice with it when I ordered steamed rice. Other than that minor detail, the staff was very attentive. I enjoyed the Chinese shorthand written on the table to keep track of who ordered what.

But the food is very good considering its price, and it's MSG-free with a decent number of vegetarian dinner and noodle options. My appetizer was the sesame noodles (pictured above), a Chinese classic noodle dish served at room temperature or slightly chilled in peanut sauce with sesame seeds. The plate is enormous and had to be shared by the whole table.

My dinner was Szechwan tofu, made in the classic spicy brown sauce with green peppers, carrots and onions. It was tasty and also amply portioned.

The decor is pretty classic 1970s Chinese restaurant cheese. The table cloth is paper, and most everything on the walls and ceiling is red. This might explain the massive takeout business done at Lucky House.

It might not be the highest end dining, but you do squeeze a lot of value out of the chow here. Check out the pictures below.

Lucky House

Flying High

Daredevil Steve Fossett, an adventurer who set a world record by flying a hot air balloon around the world, may have undertaken his final journey now that his plane has turned up missing in Nevada. I've seen some dangerous elderly drivers on the roadways in my day. I can hardly fathom the insurance premium on a 63-year-old who flies acrobatic planes for recreation. Let's hope for the best.

The White House sidestepped criticism of progress in Iraq by changing the benchmarks for success from a simple yes or no system to a system that adds a status of "partially met." This changes the rate from 15 of 18 benchmarks unachieved to a more modest rating that turns some of the failures into semantic success. Hopefully one of the benchmarks for success doesn't involve families in Iraq being forced to trade homes because of their religion, then later being forced to give up their home because of civil unrest like it does in today's Washington Post. That would definitely not qualify as a benchmark for success.

Everybody's favorite wide-standing Senator Larry Craig will fight the ethics charges against him and is rethinking the idea of resigning his seat in Congress. Senator Skeezy is resisting giving up his seat in Congress far more actively than he was resisting giving up his sex in the Minneapolis airport bathroom according to his guilty plea.

Lean times in Iran have allowed the nation's leaders to gain tighter control over the lives of its citizens according to the NYTimes. Some sources are predicting a that Iran is the next front in the floundering war on terror, while Iranian President Mahmoud Amadinejad believes his mathematical skill and faith in Allah foretell that the U.S. will not attack him because of his nuclear ambitions. No matter who is correct, it seems that everybody involved loses.

Everybody who thinks that Hugo Chavez is the craziest person in Venezuela obviously didn't read the article about practitioners of Santeria unearthing the bones of the dead in order to perform evil rituals. Unconfirmed reports have Michigan boosters casting as many hexes as possible at reviled Coach Lloyd Carr, hoping for a change of course that is greater than being the first team to drop out of the top 25 after starting the season ranked 5th.

Bad press typically comes in waves rather than in a gradual fashion. Check Russia for instance. The country took a special advertising section out in the Washington Post that appeared to be propaganda written by primary school children. Even when they are using public relations, Russia gets called to the mat. Let's hope the article about Russia and the Doomsday Machine is more conjecture than reality after reading the strategic prose in the Post.

But Russia's bad press has to take a seat to the reputation of absolute disaster that is China. Whether it's toys, pet food, copyright violations or coal mining, China has an awful story in all departments. Now, a prominent politician has drawn public scorn for plagiarizing his apology to a court of law. Maybe he should try some melamine appetizers before he gets sentenced in order to save the country any additional scrutiny.

I Vote for Giuliani's Daughter

It has been difficult for Rudy Giuliani to win support, be it from his Republican base or even from those looking to cling to his 9/11 hero image. Now, you can count his 17 year old daughter Caroline amongst those who are voting for Barack. According to her Facebook profile, the incoming Harvard freshman was a member of an Obama support group on the social networking site. If you can't win an election held by your own family, Rudolph, how can we expect you to win a Republican nomination, much less a Presidential election?

British troops are withdrawing from Basra in Iraq, and following soon behind is sectarian bedlam. Then again, it isn't like life on the ground in Basra was all cookies and candy before the redcoats left, and it isn't improving, so make sure to get while the getting is good.

Press freedom organizations are crying foul based upon China's empty promises to allow unfettered access for foreign journalists during next year's Olympics. If they wanted press freedom, perhaps they should have spent more time detailing China's human rights records before the bid was accepted in order to have the Olympics elsewhere. At this point, all we can do is report that this time, LeBron James will put the smack down on their newly married bean-pole of a superstar Yao Ming. Tell Beijing to censor that!

Europe doesn't quite support the U.S. plan of firearms to Israel and Saudi Arabia as diplomacy in the Middle East. Obviously the European Union has never read the United States' holy book, the Constitution, and it's most holy chapter, the Second Amendment. If spreading democracy doesn't work, at least we can give the Middle East more guns, because much like New Jersey, the region would be safer if more people were armed. It's a slam dunk when you consider our success at keeping track of the weaponry when we send it there.

There is a great new feature on the Huffington Post that is a database that allows you to search through the records of individual donations to the coming Presidential election. This tool will allow you to ascertain whether young Caroline Giuliani's allowance money will be going to the Obama '08 campaign.

CMJ ran a feature on hosting sites on the Web that allow for music piracy by bypassing the traditional peer-to-peer and torrent routes of music distribution, making them part of the fabric of the Web. If the music business continues like this, the only thing left for the industry to do will be to (gasp) focus on the quality of their recorded product and work on putting together kick-ass live shows. Imagine the horror!

Gary Vaynerchuk, co-owner of a large wine store in New Jersey, is trying to take the arrogance out of wine drinking, and he's reaching curious consumers through his lighthearted streaming videos on the Web. Leave it to new media to create a forum where the curious don't need to know the definitions of the words brettanomyces and trichloroanisol in order to appreciate fermented grape juice. Bravo!

Every year, the loopy news wire reports on the winner of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest at San Diego State, a contest where the winner tries to pen the worst opening line to a work of fiction possible. This year's winner began thusly: "Gerald began -- but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them 'permanently' meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash -- to pee." Is it even possible for me to pen a joke funnier than that piece of prose?

Finally, dog owners upset with the Michael Vick dogfighting case but unable to take their frustrations out on the nimble quarterback may have a new recourse. The Michael Vick Dog Chew Toy is available online for animal rights activists, humorists and Falcons fans everywhere.

King Arthur Might Need Those Knights

The United Kingdom is under siege. The terror alert is at its highest level. The knights such as Lancelot and Elton John may be dispatched if anybody else so much as moves. Since the car bomb/flaming SUV attack, another car has been blown up in a controlled explosion as a security measure in Glasgow. The United States offered support by saying to the British: We told you so. This confirms the hypothesis that hindsight is always 20/20, but doesn't help to explain why our all-knowing intelligence didn't make a bigger deal out of the plot.

One of the top stories in the Washington Post explains the tension in the relationship between George Bush and Vladimir Putin. One of the major problems between the two men stems from the fact that Putin believes that his dog trumps Bush's lapdog Barney. The relations might warm if Bush adopted a few of Mike Vick's pit bulls and went to Moscow to kick Vlad Putin and his labrador's ass.

Mother Russia unleashed a torrent of unemployed scientists after the collapse of the Soviet Union. The U.S. is harnessing that potential by using a former Soviet germ warfare expert to shape bioterrorism policy. I get a warm feeling inside when I realize that my tax money is paying a guy who used to have the job of figuring out how to modify smallpox genetically in order to achieve the maximum killing potential.

America is trying to control another kind of questionable import--Chinese goods. Tainted goods from China illustrate how interconnected China is with the rest of the world, from the pet food deaths of a few months ago to more than 100 deaths due to counterfeit Chinese glycerine in Panama. I control this another way--I make sure all of the soy sauce and Chinese style mustard I buy is made in Cincinnati.

Glenn Greenwald blogs about the disturbing media trend of taking military reports at face value. The example he gives was picked up worldwide. The military killed 17 civilians and buried the story by identifying the slain as Al-Qaeda operatives when they were in fact 17 citizens caught in the crossfire. Apparently the only battle that the military is coming out on top of is the public relations war with the (alleged watchdog) media.

The L.A. Times previews the new sports black market must-have item: Cuban baseball players. A sports agent was busted for this activity recently, but if he can send a Cuban starting pitcher and outfielder to the Cubs, I think he should be released on time served.

Wimbledon is half over, and Sports Illustrated is issuing grades. Anybody who isn't betting Roger Federer gets an F in my book.

The Associated Press covers the disturbing trend of professional wrestlers dying young. It seems unbelievable that people would die young in an activity where they take steroids, break people's necks, slam people through tables, cut each other with barbed wire and thumb tacks, and hit each other over the head with steel chairs. But if the Associated Press says it's so, it must be so.

Wrestling with Logic

Edmonton residents will be somber this evening after the murder-suicide involving wrestling legend Chris Benoit and his family. This will put a kink in my Chris Benoit Day plans next year. It's too bad nobody got a chance to execute a finishing move like a crippler crossface before Benoit got his finishing move accomplished.

The Washington Post details Dick Cheney's role in establishing the policy of torture at Gitmo. It's good to see somebody in the White House planning something. It's too bad these plans come at the expense of the Geneva Convention and judicial oversight.

After seeing the international success of Cheney's torture policies, other Bush aides are scrambling to get on the same page as Congress on future Iraq policy. The plan is to get the Executive and Legislative branches to perform a duet of the Decemberists song, "We both go down together."

The L.A. Times goes over another kind of school discipline...keeping kids out of the district for living in Mexico. This is another in a long line of issues that have sprung up based upon the don't ask don't tell policy of immigrant labor in the United States. The only way these kids will be able to stay in the country will be if Tim Floyd offers them a scholarship to play basketball at USC in the next decade or so.

Taiwan is losing support in the latest round of United Nations Idol. Everybody is throwing their support behind frontrunner candidate China and leaving Taiwan to fight for itself. Dissent might be Made in Taiwan, but lingering resentment is definitely Made in China.

Salon identifies Mitt Romney's campaign optical illusion that aims to make him look less like a corporate cog and more of a man of the people. However he frames it, he still looks like I don't know what he stands for or supports.

Rupert Murdoch's evil takeover bid for the Wall Street Journal comes closer to fruition each day. Murdoch must agree to editorial protections before his bid will be considered. The Times takes care to detail how Congress kowtowed and changed laws to protect Murdoch's television holdings rather than forcing him to sell off his unfair market share. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Crazy news stories also made for some interesting reading. The dentist who filed a claim for filling 52 cavities in one mouth at one time either treated the most toxic mouth or pulled the stupidest fraud of all time (probably the latter). If he goes to court, at least the guy who filed a lawsuit for $54 million over his lost pants lost, showing that justice is blind but not completely retarded. They probably followed the logic from my first post on the subject.

I Have Tyson in my Corner

There are many situations in life that lead one to ask, "What would Jesus Do?" It hasn't gotten there for me yet, but with guidance like this photograph that makes up part of Slate's report on Church signs, I can tell what he would do while I'm driving by. Isn't that convenient?

If daily events don't tell you wjwd, they can at least let the immigrants' judiciary explain how they make decisions. According to a study covering more than 140,000 cases, the whole process is a crap shoot. At least the study determined that justice is completely blind to reason.

The Middle East will get an opportunity to enjoy its first tribunal as the United Nations moves in on those who assassinated Lebanon's prime minister. Nobody wants to tell Syria to start betting on international politics, but if they did such a thing, common logic would dictate that they bet against themselves.

Turkey did its best to validate the fact that every topic covered in this blog comes to fruition the next day by moving troops over to the Iraqi border and threatening to invade Iraq in order to eliminate Kurdish rebels raiding over the border. They are aiming to attack the Kurds in a move that would alienate the United States' biggest supporter in Iraq. The only support Bush would be left with after a move like this would be Bill O'Reilly and Mrs. Bush. Hopefully his aggressive worldwide public relations campaign nets some results.

In order to increase support for the new version of the Seven Wonders of the World, China is urging all of its citizens to vote for the Great Wall of China. This confirms my suspicion of why Yao Ming keeps winning NBA All-Star votes by a landslide. Apparently the Chinese vote with a greater passion then their American counterparts.

Finally, if job prospects are keeping you down, you can at least take faith in Mike Tyson's application to work in the corner of Sultan Ibragimov in his WBO heavyweight title bout. If rape, drug convictions and face tattoos can't keep you from getting a job, this really is the greatest country in the world.

Some Cheese Smells Like Sweat

Rasheed Wallace is to technical fouls what Ron Jeremy is to cheap, meaningless sex. The major differentiating factor is that Jeremy gets paid for the sex while Rasheed typically pays for the fouls. This time Wallace paid with a loss, and some poor sap got rewarded with a sweaty jersey to the face. Check the video to see if Wallace is technically foul.

As of this morning, the 219 troops killed this month surpassed the highest total of deaths for two months of combat in Iraq. With Thursday still falling in May, all of the opponents of the war in Iraq may have to eat their hats when they see how the mission has succeeded in exceeding one minimum measurement of success. Unfortunately, the milestone is total troops killed, and nobody is going to wear that medal around town.

Zheng Xiaoyu, former chief of China's food and drug safety organization, was sentenced to death for his role in the contaminated pet food public relations disaster that damaged the reputations of China's food and drug industries. Perhaps if President Bush had sent Paul Wolfowitz out the same way, the world would have more faith in new World Bank Presidential nominee Robert Zoellick.

Turkey, a nation with a clearly defined separation of religion and state, has entered unknown waters. The nation, which is 95 percent Muslim, has elected a Muslim President and Prime Minister. Educated elites and the military are adamantly opposed to the move, and new elections have been called for the Presidency. As a free piece of advice, the United States elected a deeply religious man who shared a common belief with much of the population. Take a look at how well that worked out for us.

Slate works on profiling the Republican's next generation flip-flopper Mitt Romney. If the fact that he's a Mormon isn't enough to get you to vote for somebody else, you can at least compare his wavering opinion of a multitude of issues to Giuliani's sordid pro-life/pro-choice stance. This creates my entry into the 2008 Republican Election Slogan contest (if there is in fact a contest and I didn't fabricate it out of thin air) :

The Republican Party 2008: We can't get any more crazy--can we?

Speaking of crazy, the Joseph McCarthy of international athletics Dick Pound advances his case for drug testing in the sport that needs it most--golf. It isn't certain what the chairman of the World Anti-Doping Agency expects to find, but if Vegas is taking bets, I'll put money on John Daly being the first to test positive based on his past life as the human beer keg.

Criminally good taste was displayed by a band of armed robbers in South Africa who were robbing grocery stores of all their money...and imported cheeses. The robbers would run through the store and grab expensive food, bathroom supplies and vitamins while robbing the registers at gun point. It is offensive that Rosie O'Donnell has to send out a death squad to do her grocery shopping while she recovers from the Elisabeth Hasselbeck hangover. Shame on her!

Just Marking My Territory

It doesn't get any more democratic than the above photograph. If the American public could urinate on all Hillary for President signs and not get arrested, we'd all have a new weekend hobby.

In International news, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert ruled out (for the time being) a broad offensive against settlers in Gaza after a rocket attack. With Bahrain preparing for an American attack on Iran plus the civil war that's coming to fruition in Iraq, the Middle East is shaping up to become a potential theater of carnage. Hopefully O'Reilly gets a front row seat to cover the action.

In the U.S. is not the only country getting its citizens killed trying to exploit petroleum products after Ethiopian rebels slaughtered 70 people (nine Chinese workers) at a Chinese oil facility. China needs to try the U.S. approach and find a pristine native wilderness to exploit to prevent these problems in the future.

The L.A. Times reports on a split within Iraq's Baath party. As with most other scenarios in Iraq, officials are unsure what to make of the development.

The governor of Virginia is suggesting an executive order that would demand that gun vendors examine the mental health of a person before selling them a gun. The NRA-sponsored Republican explanation for why the loonies should have guns should make for a great sound bite.

The Feds started the trial of the ghetto Unabomber in Chicago. His sketch is less intimidating. He had a job and no crazy manifesto. His target choice was even weak, as he was trying to control stock prices by mailing ready-to-explode explosives that didn't go off. Basically, his career as a domestic terrorist was a complete bomb.

The Dow closed above 13,000 for the first time in history. I'm still a penniless graduate student nit.

Journalist Alan Johnson, the only full-time correspondent in Gaza, has been presumed kidnapped for the last 45 days. In sports news, the Bears offered to trade Lance Briggs as a fair rate exchange.

Scientists announced the discovery of what could be an Earth-like planet orbiting around a dwarf star. It is rumored to be the planet of origin for Sanjaya Malakar.

Finally, the Catholic Church did away with limbo, changing theology to reflect that unbaptized babies go to heaven and not limbo. A few people will, however, remain in limbo.

Baseball limbo: Bobby Valentine, manager, Chiba Lotte Marines

Acting limbo: Corey Feldman and Pauly Shore, alley off of of Hollywood and Vine

Music limbo: The Proclaimers, a different alley in Edinburgh

also: Mariah Carey and Michael Jackson, California state mental health facility

Basketball limbo: Dennis Rodman, in Vegas trying to convince the Maloof brothers he can still play

Media limbo: Don Imus, on his ranch surrounded by caucasians

Big Mac with a Small News

The NBA Playoffs are upon us. Hear the collective yawn escape everybody who stayed up to watch the Houston/Utah game last night and the collective gasp escape everybody in Cleveland and the NBA front office who saw LeBron turn his ankle today!

Criticism continues to pour in from Iraq. The Sunni bloc leader said that the proposed Shia/Sunni wall that will split neighborhoods in Baghdad will not work and will make things worse. The White House may want to look into the popularity of the former wall in Berlin to get an idea of how well this plan will endear them to the people.

At least security forces in Iraq are finally taking the initiative to act like Americans after a New York Times story came out about confessions being beaten out of detainees. If American hasn't taught Iraq about democracy, at least Iraqis learned how Steven Seagal gets information in his police films.

In national security issues, Air Force generals have ordered a review of defense mechanisms for satellites in orbit in outer space. This comes after the Chinese demonstrated the ability to shoot down one of their own satellites in orbit, hinting at the potential to unleash an electronic communication attack on the United States. As long as the first satellite taken down cuts off FoxNews to Ohio, the self-defense program is exactly where it needs to be.

Mutually assured destruction is also part of Commander in Chief Bush's national security plan, and he's keeping that concept alive with a bang as he moves forward with his plan to update America's nuclear arsenal. His abilities in foreign diplomacy are exceeded only by Kevin McHale's ability in basketball team building.

Wolfowitz and his efforts to repair Jewish/Islamic relations by dating across the divide continue to make the news. Ahh yes...the World Bank...fighting poverty one scandalous relationship at a time.

The Washington Post adds a caveat to those buying into Barack Obama's pledge to eschew donations from federal lobbyists. He is apparently bypassing the federal lobbyist money by taking money from...everybody else, including state lobbyists. He's a man of principles. Not very strongly held principles, but they are principles nonetheless.

In Cuban news, he's back! Fidel Castro met with Chinese officials in Cuba for the first time since his hiatus after diverticular disease surgery that installed, of all things, an artificial anus. He was going to try an anus transplant, but Karl Rove has been busy preparing a defense for his missteps and was unavailable to be sewn to the end of Castro's intestine.

Bill O'Reilly continues to be fair and balanced in arguing with anybody who will listen. His latest altercation involved Denver Post media critic Joanne Ostrow, a columnist who refused to appear on his show after she penned a critical review of O'Reilly's work. Undeterred, O'Reilly ambushed Ostrow in the grocery store parking lot with camera crew in tow. It sounds like this plus the wrestling match with Geraldo Rivera indicate that the no-spin zone is spinning out of control.

Public health professional Bernie Ellis is getting out of jail but is threatened with having his farm repossessed by the government after serving time on a medical marijuana conviction. Looking more like Jerry Orbach than Jerry Garcia, Ellis' actions have garnered great attention from medical rights advocates and more attention from Pacman Jones, who is going to need a hookup during his first eight game suspension at the beginning of season.

In conclusion, bizarre stories lead off with an Amish crime spree involving kidnap and buggy-jacking. The police are guessing the perpatrators could be anywhere within the three square mile radius they could have traveled in the horse-drawn carriage since the events transpired.

These same police may be amongst the heroes that saved Ronald McDonald from almost certain death after he was hanged and disfigured. McDonald was probably saying to himself, "Ouch...I'm not loving it!"

Mo Money, Mo Problems

Above is the look of ecstasy and joy that comes from being named the father of the little bundle of money...err, joy Dannielynne. Congratulations on your success, and may I never hear the name Birkhead or Anna Nicole in the news ever again.

In real news, a throng of protesters loyal to Moktada al-Sadr demonstrated against American occupation in Iraq on the fourth anniversary of the fall of Baghdad. Unlike Americans, Iraqis have in fact discovered the fringe benefits of free speech and the right to demonstrate. Like Americans, they will also learn that President Bush is not listening.

The L.A. Times reporter Borzou Daragahi wrote a tremendous story detailing the last 4 and 1/2 years the reporter has spent in Iraq. He details the trials and tribulations spent by a reporter working to tell the stories of Iraqis in the war zones and inform the public in the United States. With everybody overly critical of MSM (mainstream media), it is good to see evidence of the value of real journalists who do news work for the public good (i.e. not bloggers and not the pundits).

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today that Iran plans to produce nuclear fuel on an industrial level, drawing sharp criticism from opponents of Iran's nuclear ambitions. President Ahmadinejad claims the materials will be used for energy needs and not weapons. That remark has been considered the biggest bomb (all puns intended) since Don Imus became a women's basketball commentator. Last week's hostage issue was the number one story of this week according to the Project for Excellence in Journalism, keeping the focus on Iran.

On the other side of the Axis of Evil, New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson enjoyed a tour of the U.S.S. Pueblo, a naval vessel captured by North Korea in the 1960s. Richardson, who is also a Democratic candidate for President, described the presentation as unpleasant propaganda, much the same way that Rupert Murdoch describes the movie "Outfoxed."

In trade issues, the United States has filed suit against China because of alleged widespread piracy of American movies, music, books and software in the country. This is a terrible move, as without $2 copies of Hollywood blockbusters available at bodegas worldwide, I will probably never pay to see another film again.

Media news leads with the Don Imus developments. Imus is an ancient out-of-touch relic of a radio host who called the Rutgers women's basketball team some very unkind, racist names on his CBS show. He was called to the mat by Al Sharpton, who has an interesting racist history of his own, and defended his comments to Sharpton and a senator, whom Imus referred to as "you people." The Rutgers team agreed to finally meet with Imus after issuing critical statements. Soon, Imus and his 1950s shtick should be right where they belong, off the air and locked inside a ranch where nobody has to listen to him or see his hideous hair.

While on the subject of old men with incredible hair cuts, it is nearly impossible to pass up the Phil Spector murder trial. Spector, one of the legends in recording whose influential career includes writing and recording scores of hits with every girl group ever in the 1960s and a number of rock and roll legends with his famous Wall of Sound, has been accused of murdering actress Lana Clarkson by blowing her head off with a shotgun. Clarkson has appeared in many television and film roles. The specter of Spector's craziness should make this trial the most fun since the glove didn't fit.

Sports news involves the new sheriff/commissioner Roger Goodell bringing the pain to repeat offenders in the NFL. The first two to go down were Adam "Pacman" Jones (full season) and Chris "Felonyman" Henry (8 games). Cleveland Browns fans are desperately trying to get coach Romeo Crennel, center LeCharles Bentley and quarterback Charlie Frye to go somewhere and get arrested immediately so they can start over again from scratch.

Finally, in bizarre news, the L.A. Times profiled 94-year-old John Rodriguez, California's oldest prisoner. The article states that his chances of parole for murder are slim, but even his past record is hardly enough to disqualify him from military service. Hopefully I'll see you in Baghdad, buddy.