04 September 2007

All The News That's Fit To Blog

T-minus two days and counting for NFL football. My fantasy team is ready. My Bears gear is in. The experts have spoken. Let's fire up this grill and get cooking.

North Korea is claiming the U.S. will lift sanctions against the country while the U.S. is saying, "No we didn't." I give the Van Halen reunion a better chance at success.

George Bush and his rose-colored glasses are reporting nothing but butterflies and puppies in Iraq. King George, the cockeyed optimist that he is, probably also believes Michigan has a shot at the national championship and that Lindsay Lohan will soon be getting out of rehab and climbing back up the ladder of success.

News crews are all over the Larry Craig story. But there are deeper issues afoot than a Senator looking to get lucky in the men's room of the airport. When is it ethically acceptable to identify a closeted homosexual? Why is the police department patrolling bathrooms when terrorism seems to be a greater threat? Who has the most notches in their Congressional bed posts--Mark Foley, David Vitter or Craig? These questions are tough, and Republicans and the media will have to come up with the answers on their own.

All of those suckers who waited in line overnight and spent a month's rent on Apple's new iPhone probably weren't planning for rival Google to develop a competing product. Rumors are swirling around the Web that the factotum of technology is going to release its own mobile browsing cell phone very soon. All of these companies are modifying Timothy Leary's plan and asking consumers to Plug In, Turn On and Drop Out. I'll be on the outside looking in, thanks.

The trial is coming to a close, and the jury is in on one issue--the Phil Spector trial is weird as hell. The only way a trial could be more crazy is if Verne Troyer stabbed Vin Diesel and Paris Hilton to death with a broken beer bottle and blamed it on O.J. Simpson.

Finally, the weirdest story of the day had to be the tale of 13-year-old school kids in South Africa getting in trouble for taking ecstasy at a school dance. Where do they go to school? Lindsay Lohan Prep? Brittney Spears High? Where does a middle school kid get ecstasy, and who sold it to them? It ought to provide an easy way to shrug off the legacy of apartheid, at any rate.

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