If you're looking for a vacation in a fun place full of culture for the whole family, Minneapolis might be the place for you. You can take a family photograph at the toilet stall where Larry Craig allegedly solicited gay sex along with all the other shutterbugs. You'll get the opportunity to teach the kids about government and uh, other things.
German authorities are reporting the arrest of three people plotting to launch terrorist attacks against American and Teutonic targets, seizing a cache of explosives and military detonators that were to be used against unnamed targets in the country. The materials confiscated by the authorities potentially would have been the biggest bomb to explode in Germany since the David Hasselhoff Hamburger video surfaced.
Iraq continues to pile up the bad news. Reports indicate that the Iraqi army will be unable to take over for American forces within the next 18 months. Experts are also crediting reports of decreased violence in Iraq to dubious accounting practices. Hopefully this is all part of the continuing success of the troop surge.
After this blog commented on the pitfalls that have rained down upon the Republican party, the news came in that Paul Gilmore, a Senator from Ohio, died in his apartment at the age of 68. Most Republicans were wishing that Larry Craig would have dropped dead and that Paul Gillmore would have stuck around, but hey--you can't win them all.
Are you ready for some football? The NFL season starts tonight with the Super Bowl champion Indianapolis Colts facing the NFC Championship also-ran New Orleans Saints. The Onion is predicting big things for Brady Quinn. Hopefully another Cincinnati Bengal doesn't get arrested in the stands before their first game on Monday.
The biggest story in college football this year was Appalachian State beating the juggernaut that is Michigan. Now rival Ohio State fans are creating a huge demand for Appalachian State wear in order to taunt the rival Wolverines. Salt, meet open wound.
Finally, in music news, the opera world was dealt a tragic blow as one of its most notable figures has died of pacreatic cancer at the age of 71. Luciano Pavarotti, the most noted of the great Three Tenors, lost a long battle with the disease. He was noted for his warm stage presence, his rich and vibrant tone and his clear diction of Romance languages. Pavarotti was one of the latest in a long line of opera stars to cross over into the realm of pop culture. Recordings will be all that remains of one of the greatest voices of all time.
T-minus two days and counting for NFL football. My fantasy team is ready. My Bears gear is in. The experts have spoken. Let's fire up this grill and get cooking.
North Korea is claiming the U.S. will lift sanctions against the country while the U.S. is saying, "No we didn't." I give the Van Halen reunion a better chance at success.
George Bush and his rose-colored glasses are reporting nothing but butterflies and puppies in Iraq. King George, the cockeyed optimist that he is, probably also believes Michigan has a shot at the national championship and that Lindsay Lohan will soon be getting out of rehab and climbing back up the ladder of success.
News crews are all over the Larry Craig story. But there are deeper issues afoot than a Senator looking to get lucky in the men's room of the airport. When is it ethically acceptable to identify a closeted homosexual? Why is the police department patrolling bathrooms when terrorism seems to be a greater threat? Who has the most notches in their Congressional bed posts--Mark Foley, David Vitter or Craig? These questions are tough, and Republicans and the media will have to come up with the answers on their own.
All of those suckers who waited in line overnight and spent a month's rent on Apple's new iPhone probably weren't planning for rival Google to develop a competing product. Rumors are swirling around the Web that the factotum of technology is going to release its own mobile browsing cell phone very soon. All of these companies are modifying Timothy Leary's plan and asking consumers to Plug In, Turn On and Drop Out. I'll be on the outside looking in, thanks.
The trial is coming to a close, and the jury is in on one issue--the Phil Spector trial is weird as hell. The only way a trial could be more crazy is if Verne Troyer stabbed Vin Diesel and Paris Hilton to death with a broken beer bottle and blamed it on O.J. Simpson.
Finally, the weirdest story of the day had to be the tale of 13-year-old school kids in South Africa getting in trouble for taking ecstasy at a school dance. Where do they go to school? Lindsay Lohan Prep? Brittney Spears High? Where does a middle school kid get ecstasy, and who sold it to them? It ought to provide an easy way to shrug off the legacy of apartheid, at any rate.
Count Michigan out of the National Championship picture. The overconfident Wolverines were outmatched by the overwhelming onslaught orchestrated by the outrageous Appalachian State Mountaineers, a team playing at the competitive level formerly referred to as I-AA, by a score of 34-32. Just start naming teams that you think would beat Appalachian State at home and rank Big Blue accordingly (my list stops at Missouri, Ohio University and North Carolina).
The Hillary Clinton campaign missed some blatant red flags that should have been noticed when they accepted donations from con man criminal Norman Hsu. Hillary returned the swindler's money, proving that she has a great moral compass when she's caught red handed.
Republicans are dropping like flies. Everybody's favorite closet Log Cabin Republican Larry Craig is stepping down. John William Warner, a man with greater heterosexual credibility in the Republican Party after marrying Elizabeth Taylor, is also wrapping up his Senate tenure by not running for re-election. Warner should be the first Republican leaving office in the last chunk of time that can actually ever show his face in public again, so congratulations on that moral victory.
Texas Governor Rick Perry finally called off the execution dogs on Kenneth Foster in a move called for in a previous post by this blog. Now all they have to do is execute capital punishment and they'll have the whole thing solved.
WWE boss Vince McMahon suspended 10 wrestlers for violating the health and wellness policy for steroid use before he is to be called to testify in front of Congress next month. I can't wait to hear his explanation for how he got on the cover of Muscle and Fitness magazine at the age of 60.
In the obituary section, renowned beer critic Michael Jackson died at the age of 65. Jackson was an expert on beer, especially from Belgium, and travelled the world over tasting the world's finest brews. He was also extremely knowledgeable about whisky. Pour a little of your 40 out to remember your dead homey because this guy was a wealth of beer facts and esoterica that will never be replaced.
Finally, anybody within realistic distance to Chicago should take advantage of one of their best free festivals--The Chicago Jazz Festival. My personal highlights would include Charlie Haden's Liberation Music Orchestra, Medeski, Scofield, Martin and Wood, Herbie Hancock, Rob Mazurek's Exploding Star Orchestra, Ernest Dawkins, the Mingus Big Band, 8 Bold Souls and the Fred Anderson Trio if I was actually in town. So please go and tell me what I missed.
Today's news starts with the obvious conclusion that poor Senator Larry Craig is not gay. Just listen to the man. He said he is a conservative straight man, no matter what the police found him doing in a men's restroom. Or who he offered to do it to. Or on. Or with. Nothing helps your image as a heterosexual stallion than trolling in the men's room, Larry. That guilty plea won't help your cause either.
The vultures are circling around the carcass of the Attorney General's office, and many are offering up lists of potential candidates before they get to make their flyby in Congress. The purported front runner is Homeland Security boss Michael Chertoff. If anybody is keeping score, Congress might want to call Chertoff to task for lying about his knowledge of torture at Gitmo. If Bush is looking to slip somebody past Capitol Hill, I would recommend nominating famous prosecutor Jack McCoy. He has great credentials, plus he served under Fred Thompson, so he'd tow the party line.
The New York Times finds that, despite their promises, the U.S. has been slow to accept Iraqi refugees displaced by war. Hopefully President Foresight can lend some assistance with the extra $50 billion he's asking the taxpayers to fork over to continue the effort in Iraq. He'd at least be helping somebody.
Ending on a depressing note, the census report identifies nearly 50 million people who are going without health insurance in the United States. This is turning into the hot button topic that candidates will not be able to dodge, the gorilla in the room that is the imperfect American medical system. Relying on private business to tow the line is one step. Making sure that everybody is guaranteed health care no matter their birthright is the next step. Here's to hoping our medical future is less sick than our medical present.
