01 September 2007

Any Given Saturday

Count Michigan out of the National Championship picture. The overconfident Wolverines were outmatched by the overwhelming onslaught orchestrated by the outrageous Appalachian State Mountaineers, a team playing at the competitive level formerly referred to as I-AA, by a score of 34-32. Just start naming teams that you think would beat Appalachian State at home and rank Big Blue accordingly (my list stops at Missouri, Ohio University and North Carolina).

The Hillary Clinton campaign missed some blatant red flags that should have been noticed when they accepted donations from con man criminal Norman Hsu. Hillary returned the swindler's money, proving that she has a great moral compass when she's caught red handed.

Republicans are dropping like flies. Everybody's favorite closet Log Cabin Republican Larry Craig is stepping down. John William Warner, a man with greater heterosexual credibility in the Republican Party after marrying Elizabeth Taylor, is also wrapping up his Senate tenure by not running for re-election. Warner should be the first Republican leaving office in the last chunk of time that can actually ever show his face in public again, so congratulations on that moral victory.

Texas Governor Rick Perry finally called off the execution dogs on Kenneth Foster in a move called for in a previous post by this blog. Now all they have to do is execute capital punishment and they'll have the whole thing solved.

WWE boss Vince McMahon suspended 10 wrestlers for violating the health and wellness policy for steroid use before he is to be called to testify in front of Congress next month. I can't wait to hear his explanation for how he got on the cover of Muscle and Fitness magazine at the age of 60.

In the obituary section, renowned beer critic Michael Jackson died at the age of 65. Jackson was an expert on beer, especially from Belgium, and travelled the world over tasting the world's finest brews. He was also extremely knowledgeable about whisky. Pour a little of your 40 out to remember your dead homey because this guy was a wealth of beer facts and esoterica that will never be replaced.

Finally, anybody within realistic distance to Chicago should take advantage of one of their best free festivals--The Chicago Jazz Festival. My personal highlights would include Charlie Haden's Liberation Music Orchestra, Medeski, Scofield, Martin and Wood, Herbie Hancock, Rob Mazurek's Exploding Star Orchestra, Ernest Dawkins, the Mingus Big Band, 8 Bold Souls and the Fred Anderson Trio if I was actually in town. So please go and tell me what I missed.

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