09 August 2007

Only in America

Only in America could somebody have the freedom to mope and complain daily on a blog like I do. Only in America could people be upset with the Home Run King. Only in America would the story of a has-been backup dancer filing for primary custody of his kids against a lunatic who shaves her head on a whim and cleans up dog poop with thousand dollar dresses be front page news. Only in America would the Katie Couric experiment continue to drag on. Only Al Qaeda would say that we don't live in the greatest country in the world!

Only in America would states sparsely populated with folksy rural types decide who the candidate for President will be. South Carolina, a folksy rural state with a population greater than Iowa and New Hampshire, has decided to usurp the two states that have guided the course of American politics for years by moving their primary up to January 19. This in turn will force the little states that could to move their primaries up, possibly into the end of the year before the election, in order to make politicians pretend that they really care about Iowa and New Hampshire. Iowa is less representative of America than Michael Vick is of dog owners, but whatever works for the political parties works out for America (for better or worse).

Only in America could a political party have its cake and eat it too. Congressional Democrats want to have Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' head on a platter served on a bed of rice pilaf, and to show him how badly they want him crushed, they offered him...expanded oversight over the warrantless wiretapping program? If Gonzales keeps screwing up, the Democrats might arrange to have Rachel Specter blow Gonzo for all his incompetent work.

Only in America would people rally behind a candidate whose claim to fame is dealing with terrorism, and only in America would that candidate completely fabricate those credentials, strolling by unchecked. Rudy Giuliani, America's mayor, keeps towing his campaign line in the run to the White House, and if somebody doesn't call his bullshit in the early stages, I'm sure his opponents on the other side will be more than happy to exploit his shortcomings come election time.

Only in America could a kid from the South Side of Chicago rise like a phoenix from the ashes and sit atop the Billboard charts. Common is number 1 on the charts for the first time in his career. The calls of the death of hip hop might have been a bit premature, reflecting consumers' distaste for tired, recycled garbage (is anybody out there, Shop Boyz?) and a need for the cerebral stylings of one Lonnie Rashied Lynn (a.k.a. Common) amongst others. Hip hop's success has even spilled over to France, where the hip hop verses of kebab vendor Lil'Maaz have taken the country by storm. Finally, America and France are together again, even if it is only in a superficial, bass driven linkage.

Finally, only in America would a corporate sponsored Web cast censor the political content of its headliner. Pearl Jam is up in arms about its anti-Bush lyrics being cut from the AT&T broadcast of the Lollapalooza concert in Chicago (also promoted by this blog). If I was in charge of oversight of the derivative, overrated Pearl Jam live experience, I would have censored everything BUT the part where Eddie Vedder sang, "George Bush, leave this world alone." Take it or leave it, Ed.

No comments: