07 August 2007

I Vote for Giuliani's Daughter

It has been difficult for Rudy Giuliani to win support, be it from his Republican base or even from those looking to cling to his 9/11 hero image. Now, you can count his 17 year old daughter Caroline amongst those who are voting for Barack. According to her Facebook profile, the incoming Harvard freshman was a member of an Obama support group on the social networking site. If you can't win an election held by your own family, Rudolph, how can we expect you to win a Republican nomination, much less a Presidential election?

British troops are withdrawing from Basra in Iraq, and following soon behind is sectarian bedlam. Then again, it isn't like life on the ground in Basra was all cookies and candy before the redcoats left, and it isn't improving, so make sure to get while the getting is good.

Press freedom organizations are crying foul based upon China's empty promises to allow unfettered access for foreign journalists during next year's Olympics. If they wanted press freedom, perhaps they should have spent more time detailing China's human rights records before the bid was accepted in order to have the Olympics elsewhere. At this point, all we can do is report that this time, LeBron James will put the smack down on their newly married bean-pole of a superstar Yao Ming. Tell Beijing to censor that!

Europe doesn't quite support the U.S. plan of firearms to Israel and Saudi Arabia as diplomacy in the Middle East. Obviously the European Union has never read the United States' holy book, the Constitution, and it's most holy chapter, the Second Amendment. If spreading democracy doesn't work, at least we can give the Middle East more guns, because much like New Jersey, the region would be safer if more people were armed. It's a slam dunk when you consider our success at keeping track of the weaponry when we send it there.

There is a great new feature on the Huffington Post that is a database that allows you to search through the records of individual donations to the coming Presidential election. This tool will allow you to ascertain whether young Caroline Giuliani's allowance money will be going to the Obama '08 campaign.

CMJ ran a feature on hosting sites on the Web that allow for music piracy by bypassing the traditional peer-to-peer and torrent routes of music distribution, making them part of the fabric of the Web. If the music business continues like this, the only thing left for the industry to do will be to (gasp) focus on the quality of their recorded product and work on putting together kick-ass live shows. Imagine the horror!

Gary Vaynerchuk, co-owner of a large wine store in New Jersey, is trying to take the arrogance out of wine drinking, and he's reaching curious consumers through his lighthearted streaming videos on the Web. Leave it to new media to create a forum where the curious don't need to know the definitions of the words brettanomyces and trichloroanisol in order to appreciate fermented grape juice. Bravo!

Every year, the loopy news wire reports on the winner of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest at San Diego State, a contest where the winner tries to pen the worst opening line to a work of fiction possible. This year's winner began thusly:
"Gerald began -- but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them 'permanently' meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash -- to pee." Is it even possible for me to pen a joke funnier than that piece of prose?

Finally, dog owners upset with the Michael Vick dogfighting case but unable to take their frustrations out on the nimble quarterback may have a new recourse. The Michael Vick Dog Chew Toy is available online for animal rights activists, humorists and Falcons fans everywhere.

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