06 August 2007

Tom Glavine is a Pacman of Victories

If you haven't gotten your fill of the Pacman, you can get your Adam Jones in the squared circle on Total Non-stop Action wrestling. The troubled football player is banned from the NFL for a year, and he has to keep the entourage thriving somehow, so he signed a contract with a minor league professional wrestling show on Spike. I'm curious if there is going to be a finishing move called the Pacman Powerbomb and why Maurice Clarett couldn't have gone into work in professional wrestling like Pacman rather than turn to a life of crime.

Bush signed into law the wiretapping program he has been operating unchecked since 9/11. The $60,000 question is, "Is anybody going to do anything about the illegal surveillance they were performing before the law was signed?" Judging from the things this administration has gotten away with thus far, you probably know the answer to that one.

There are 190,000 AK-47s and pistols provided by the United States in Iraq that are missing or unaccounted for according to a report in the Washington Post. This stockpile makes up 30 percent of the guns which were meant for security forces but undoubtedly were used to kill American soldiers or cause some other kind of American-funded domestic disturbance in Iraq. More guns are bad news for troops, who the defense secretary Robert Gates predicted would continue to be in Iraq for some time. The rosiest story coming out of Iraq today is the tale of the death of the jerk-off who blew up the Samarra mosque, proving at least one group is using American weapons against the correct people.

The L.A. Times details the contentious relationship between the parties in Congress, a relationship which should only continue to fester when the members return from summer break. I'm always in to watch a bunch of windbags battle it out for agenda setting authority.

Russia is flaunting the finders/keepers techniques of the ancient explorers, planting a flag on the floor of the ocean in an area they believe holds oil reserves. If that's how they're playing, I'm bringing my flags and claiming Anna Kournikova and Maria Sharapova before Russia gets a chance to claim them in the name of the Kremlin.

NASA makes it a point to maintain cleanliness to the point of obsession in order to prevent introducing harmful organisms to the environment on Earth and Mars. Now they just have to quit drinking before the missions or even use some of the booze as a disinfectant in order to make it look like they really care about safety.

The South African wine industry is beginning to shake off the shackles of Apartheid's legacy by including black winemakers into their business. In my opinion, however, whether it is made by red or yellow, black or white, Pinotage wines still taste like ass.

The biggest sports news of the day was Tom Glavine notching his 300th win against my Cubbies at Wrigley Field. The two side stories included the return of Kerry Wood, a pitcher who, if suspended in a formaldehyde solution and affixed with a bionic arm, would achieve his 300th victory in the year 3007. The other story was that Alfonso Soriano, the spark for the Cub offense, will be out two to four weeks with a quad strain, proving that only the Cubs could harvest a depressing story out of a 300th win.

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