08 August 2007

756 and Counting

Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present to you the new Sultan of Swat, the alleged greatest home run hitter of all time, Barry Lamar Bonds. Home run number 756 is sure to draw the ire of sportswriters everywhere. Whatever happens down the line, I hope somebody puts an asterisk next to Bud Selig's tenure as commissioner of baseball.

Temperatures are up across the board in the U.S. lately. Temperatures for the PGA Championship will be greater than 100 degrees everyday of the tournament. My advice is stay inside unless you are trying to win a competitive prfessional golf tournament, and if your name is Rory Sabatini, stay inside anyway.

In Iraq, the sectarian violence will continue to get worse if the Americans stay or if they go predicts former New York Times Middle East bureau chief Chris Hedges. About the only good news in Iraq is that the U.S. has put in a request to receive military assistance from the United Nations. Hopefully the U.N. gets there before things get much worse.

On the other front of the ever-failing war on terror, the Taliban staged an unsuccessful attack on a U.S. army base in Afghanistan. Stress like this could only drive soldiers to do hard drugs...like the cheap, easily available heroin in Afghanistan. This gives the phrase "War on Drugs" a whole new meaning.

On another front of the ever-failing war on drugs, Mexican President Felipe Calderon has asked for aid to fight the powerful drug cartels in his country. Bush promised financial support as well as the tenacious cooperation of the well-armed Ted Nugent and the deeply-indebted Wesley Snipes.

The six miners trapped underground in Utah may have to stay there for a week because of seismic activity and dangerous conditions. I'm curious as to what kind of conditions can be more dangerous than being trapped underground for a week in a coal mine.

North Korea and South Korea will hold a joint summit, bringing the two nations together for the second time in seven years. This could be the most anticipated reunion of the year save for the anticipation of Axl Rose for a future paycheck with a full band Guns N Roses reunion.

Federal authorities are also expected to announce a major crackdown on illegal hiring in the United Staes. They could also try investigating the formerly illegal warrantless wiretapping program and its illegal henchman Alberto Gonzales while they're at it.

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