04 June 2007
Tanks and Time Bombs
Tank Johnson--Rumbling out of a Cook County Jail and into your neighborhood today. After his 8 game suspension, he should have a lot of free time on his hands.
Commanders in Iraq say that the push is falling short of expectations. The soldiers control few parts of the city and are being killed by increasingly sinister methods. The campaign is methodically collapsing like the Soprano crime family.
Everybody is transfixed by the opacity that passes for political discourse in this country--a.k.a. the debates. This round was the Democratic debate, which featured Hillary settling in as the assumed front-runner and Barack Obama delivering an I-told-you-so karate chop to Edwards about Iraq. While you get some feel for the candidates in this arena, I would prefer a steel cage death match format as a forum for determining the best candidates. I'm sure that is the only way that Mike Huckabee or Dennis Kucinich would end up coming out on top, so they might prefer that format as well.
Hillary Clinton is attempting a You Tube coup, having supporters suggest the theme song for her campaign. Some of the more tongue-in-cheek offerings include Foreigner's "Cold as Ice," Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back" and Lou Reed's "Vicious." I might also suggest "The End" by the Doors, "Sparkle (Laughing Fall Apart)" by Phish or "She's a Bitch" by Missy Misdemeanor Elliott.
On the other side of the fence, The NY Times detailed how Mitt Romney amassed his ridiculous fortune. You don't really need to read the entire article. Just read over the parts that call him a "robber baron" and accuse him of unethical business practices. You'll get what you need out of that information.
According to a Los Angeles Times article, the concrete wall meant to keep people out of Jerusalem is not working and is having unintended consequences. Perhaps the United States should consider this before they start on the Mexican border fence.
The federal government is aggressively prosecuting crimes in New Orleans. Crime increased greatly after Hurricane Katrina. I'm sure the citizens of New Orleans are happy to see the federal government do...something. Better late than never guys.
Former Liberian President Charles Taylor is boycotting his war crimes trial at the Hague. Perhaps the Cubs should try that approach at press conferences after their embarrassing weekend. Luckily CBS Sportsline put together a fantastic quiz that can help you catch up on all of the mishaps. All I know is that Taylor and Zambrano are both guilty.
The International Herald Tribune discusses the differences in viewpoint between commercial interests and the sharing culture of the internet. If anybody is going to have a handle on the issue, it would have to be the Gibb brothers that were featured in the conference presentation. Anytime a crybaby millionaire musician whines about legal reform, I am drawn to the South Park episode with Lars Ulrich being unable to buy a gold plated shark tank and Brittney Spears being forced to downsize to a Gulfstream III from a Gulfstream IV because of illegal downloading. It sounds even better when experts call modern copyright "obsolete."
Texas, the state that treats capital punishment and human life as a complete joke, has an inmate scheduled for execution who is looking for a good joke to deliver as his final words. As a prisoner on death row, all he'll need to do is look around for some inspiration. Or he could take inspiration from the Polish man who awoke from a coma he had been in since the communist party was in power. At least he missed "Full House" and Vanilla Ice.