Gratuitous Gore and Violence

Al Gore III is busy worrying his father while he supports the environment. The Gore family had little to say about their son's arrest for marijuana and prescription drugs. If Al Gore Jr. was trying to keep a lid on this issue, appearing on Larry King Live is not the best way to approach the situation. If nothing else, the environmentally conscious Gore can trumpet the 100-mph speed achieved by the hybrid Prius. Al Gore: Saving the environment one burnout at a time.

George Bush's base of support in Iraq is eroding with New Mexico Senator Pete Domenici (R) throwing his support behind a withdrawl effort for Iraq. At this point, John McCain, Dick Cheney, George Bush, Bill O'Reilly and Al-Qaeda in Iraq are the only people who still support this war.

On the other front, civilian casualties in Afghanistan are substantially increasing. I don't know who is keeping score here, but it seems like everybody is losing the war on terror.

Now that Mayor Bloomberg might have maybe possibly could have thought about considering running for President, the glare of the spotlight is turned on his predecessor (and Republican Presidential candidate) Rudy Giuliani. Hopefully the lights don't call attention to Rudy's interesting taste in makeup.

The other side of the fence is made up of contenders and pretenders, as is the Republican ticket. One of the Democrats flying under the radar is Joe Biden, a candidate who isn't afraid to shoot from the hip. Of course, the American public has proven time and again that name recognition trumps real qualifications any day of the week.

Europe, a continent that seems to be perpetually 10 years ahead of the U.S., expressed privacy concerns about Google acquiring online advertising giant DoubleClick. The right to privacy is expressly protected in Europe, while it is not protected by law in the United States. The only thing that keeps people from becoming very upset with Google is the fact that the other side of the competition is the even more deplorable Microsoft.

Judea Pearl authored a powerful editorial about extremism and the message in the movie "A Mighty Heart." The film is about Pearl's son Daniel, a journalist who was killed in Pakistan by Al- Qaeda. You will get nothing but support from me regarding any editorial that criticizes Hollywood's myopic shortsightedness.

Local weird news starts off in the sports section. Ohio fans who were disappointed by Ohio State's appearances in the football and basketball national championships, Cavs fans who were disappointed by the team getting swept by the Spurs, and Reds fans who are waiting on OU alum Bob Brenly to lead them out of the basement have a new sport to keep them interested. Representatives from the Animal Protective League are reporting a steady increase in cockfighting in Ohio. If Ohio State puts together a team, they'll probably get blown out by Florida's cockfighting team.

Finally, the Village Voice ran a great article about career change options. Cake baker Chaka Raysor worked with children's birthday cakes for a decade before his old career habits caught up with him. Raysor's previous job? He was a drug gang kingpin wanted for murder and trafficking. He outran the police by flying under the radar in Brooklyn. If you thought sugary cake gets your kids amped up, give them sugary cake made by a former crack dealer to really get their mojo working.

He's Got a Puncher's Chance

The Cubs have shipped Michael Barrett off to San Diego for scrap metal. As displayed in the above photograph, thanks for the memories, Michael.

The proposed Mexican border fence is expected to alter the routines of many people, including Americans who aren't traveling to Mexico. It's amazing that our government can get motivated to build a fence to control immigration while earlier being incapable of putting any real effort into building the levee in New Orleans.

British officials have approached fighting terrorism by employing Muslims who are fluent in Arabic to work in anti-terrorism. This is a stark contrast to the United States, where President Bush expects all terrorists to speak in English so he doesn't have to use tax money to educate his intelligence forces. The city of Cincinnati and its football team could benefit from this approach by hiring former criminally-minded Bengal Corey Dillon to be the new sheriff in town.

Michael Bloomberg is promising not to be the only New York douche bag in the 2008 election. He cut ties with the Republican party, paving a path for the reclusive billionaire to run as an independent candidate. If Clinton, Giuliani and Bloomberg offer a trifecta of New Yorkers to vote for President, I'm voting Libertarian or Communist, whichever party Bloomberg isnt affiliated with.

Hillary Clinton announced her campaign theme song in a You Tube spot that parodied the recent "Sopranos" finale. The final episode of the mafia drama left a lot of the series uncertain and open to interpretation. It's too bad that we know Hillary's campaign prospects weren't whacked at the end of the You Tube episode.

Archeologists have identified the Americas' first gun shot victims. The Spanish conquistadors hunted down a band that resisted their occupation in Peru in 1536. Police have been contacted, and it is not clear what Pacman Jones' alibi was during the aftermath of the siege of Lima.

Microsoft caved in and agreed to allow changes to the way the much lamented Vista operates. As soon as they agree to allow changes that include building a new, not-Vista operating system and replacing the old Vista piece of junk for me, I agree to stop complaining about Vista's shortcomings.

Tanks and Time Bombs

Tank Johnson--Rumbling out of a Cook County Jail and into your neighborhood today. After his 8 game suspension, he should have a lot of free time on his hands.

Commanders in Iraq say that the push is falling short of expectations. The soldiers control few parts of the city and are being killed by increasingly sinister methods. The campaign is methodically collapsing like the Soprano crime family.

Everybody is transfixed by the opacity that passes for political discourse in this country--a.k.a. the debates. This round was the Democratic debate, which featured Hillary settling in as the assumed front-runner and Barack Obama delivering an I-told-you-so karate chop to Edwards about Iraq. While you get some feel for the candidates in this arena, I would prefer a steel cage death match format as a forum for determining the best candidates. I'm sure that is the only way that Mike Huckabee or Dennis Kucinich would end up coming out on top, so they might prefer that format as well.

Hillary Clinton is attempting a You Tube coup, having supporters suggest the theme song for her campaign. Some of the more tongue-in-cheek offerings include Foreigner's "Cold as Ice," Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back" and Lou Reed's "Vicious." I might also suggest "The End" by the Doors, "Sparkle (Laughing Fall Apart)" by Phish or "She's a Bitch" by Missy Misdemeanor Elliott.

On the other side of the fence, The NY Times detailed how Mitt Romney amassed his ridiculous fortune. You don't really need to read the entire article. Just read over the parts that call him a "robber baron" and accuse him of unethical business practices. You'll get what you need out of that information.

According to a Los Angeles Times article, the concrete wall meant to keep people out of Jerusalem is not working and is having unintended consequences. Perhaps the United States should consider this before they start on the Mexican border fence.

The federal government is aggressively prosecuting crimes in New Orleans. Crime increased greatly after Hurricane Katrina. I'm sure the citizens of New Orleans are happy to see the federal government do...something. Better late than never guys.

Former Liberian President Charles Taylor is boycotting his war crimes trial at the Hague. Perhaps the Cubs should try that approach at press conferences after their embarrassing weekend. Luckily CBS Sportsline put together a fantastic quiz that can help you catch up on all of the mishaps. All I know is that Taylor and Zambrano are both guilty.

The International Herald Tribune discusses the differences in viewpoint between commercial interests and the sharing culture of the internet. If anybody is going to have a handle on the issue, it would have to be the Gibb brothers that were featured in the conference presentation. Anytime a crybaby millionaire musician whines about legal reform, I am drawn to the South Park episode with Lars Ulrich being unable to buy a gold plated shark tank and Brittney Spears being forced to downsize to a Gulfstream III from a Gulfstream IV because of illegal downloading. It sounds even better when experts call modern copyright "obsolete."

Texas, the state that treats capital punishment and human life as a complete joke, has an inmate scheduled for execution who is looking for a good joke to deliver as his final words. As a prisoner on death row, all he'll need to do is look around for some inspiration. Or he could take inspiration from the Polish man who awoke from a coma he had been in since the communist party was in power. At least he missed "Full House" and Vanilla Ice.

Shooting and Sometimes Scoring

There is absolutely no substitute for being able to nail a last second shot. Hopefully LeBron James took lessons from Zack Greer, the guy whose shot won it for Duke lacrosse with 3 seconds remaining on the clock. If Wise Lebron isn't paying attention, he will be watching the finals at home much like the Cornell goaltender who today tasted defeat for the first time this season. (And congratulations to a Duke team who will get a shot to bring home their first national championship Monday and almost deserves one after having their name dragged through the mud by nefarious prosecutor Mike Nifong.)

Today, the ultimate source for political commentary Golf magazine addresses the cartoon that is the choice of Presidential candidates. I can't say I disagree. Hopefully I don't have to pick between Rudy and Hill-dog.

Media law dominated the day, starting with the big-ticket freedom of information legislation that was torpedoed by an anonymous senator. There's only 100 of these supposed representatives to sift through...I call on all the fury of the media and the voting public to figure out who and why.

Luckily enough, not every member of Capitol Hill is working to screw media law. In the field of copyright, the 100th representative was signed on in support of the internet equality act. The act opposes impending legislation that will significantly increase royalty rates on Web radio. This move could effectively stifle the development of independent Web radio. The only Web radio that should be stifled is any that involves Don Imus or Opie and Anthony, so contact your representative, express support for the internet equality act and save net radio.

On the privacy front, the European Union and Google are creating friction over Google's data collection practices. It is an interesting and important issue, and I would like both Google and the European Union to know that it was somebody else who used my IP address and lap top to search for those interesting queries involving produce.

Also from CMJ (and in need of more Web radio publicity) is the report on the new Liars album scheduled to be released later this year. They were fantastic at Pitchfork Fest last year, if for no other reason then the band brought a smile to my face in the 100 degree heat when the guitarist thrashed his way into a unitard during a drum break. Nothing makes me smile quite like typing the word "unitard." But they play interesting, intense music that's not to be missed.

Finally, in the category of esotericism, Danish Tour de France champion Bjarne Riis became the first of the gang to admit to doping. This is a marked departure from champions Floyd Landis and Lance Armstrong, who deny deny deny everything despite all evidence to the contrary. Let's recognize Riis for being forthcoming in a sport that's frankly on more drugs, prescription and otherwise, than Mike Tyson.

And flight attendant Lisa Robertson, canned for helping actor Ralph Fiennes join the mile high club, has found new employment as the spokeswoman for a Sydney, Australia bordello. Her meteoric rise in employment stock after fucking around in airplanes can only be topped by George W. Bush becoming President after his "service record" in the National Guard.

Just Marking My Territory

It doesn't get any more democratic than the above photograph. If the American public could urinate on all Hillary for President signs and not get arrested, we'd all have a new weekend hobby.

In International news, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert ruled out (for the time being) a broad offensive against settlers in Gaza after a rocket attack. With Bahrain preparing for an American attack on Iran plus the civil war that's coming to fruition in Iraq, the Middle East is shaping up to become a potential theater of carnage. Hopefully O'Reilly gets a front row seat to cover the action.

In the U.S. is not the only country getting its citizens killed trying to exploit petroleum products after Ethiopian rebels slaughtered 70 people (nine Chinese workers) at a Chinese oil facility. China needs to try the U.S. approach and find a pristine native wilderness to exploit to prevent these problems in the future.

The L.A. Times reports on a split within Iraq's Baath party. As with most other scenarios in Iraq, officials are unsure what to make of the development.

The governor of Virginia is suggesting an executive order that would demand that gun vendors examine the mental health of a person before selling them a gun. The NRA-sponsored Republican explanation for why the loonies should have guns should make for a great sound bite.

The Feds started the trial of the ghetto Unabomber in Chicago. His sketch is less intimidating. He had a job and no crazy manifesto. His target choice was even weak, as he was trying to control stock prices by mailing ready-to-explode explosives that didn't go off. Basically, his career as a domestic terrorist was a complete bomb.

The Dow closed above 13,000 for the first time in history. I'm still a penniless graduate student nit.

Journalist Alan Johnson, the only full-time correspondent in Gaza, has been presumed kidnapped for the last 45 days. In sports news, the Bears offered to trade Lance Briggs as a fair rate exchange.

Scientists announced the discovery of what could be an Earth-like planet orbiting around a dwarf star. It is rumored to be the planet of origin for Sanjaya Malakar.

Finally, the Catholic Church did away with limbo, changing theology to reflect that unbaptized babies go to heaven and not limbo. A few people will, however, remain in limbo.

Baseball limbo: Bobby Valentine, manager, Chiba Lotte Marines

Acting limbo: Corey Feldman and Pauly Shore, alley off of of Hollywood and Vine

Music limbo: The Proclaimers, a different alley in Edinburgh

also: Mariah Carey and Michael Jackson, California state mental health facility

Basketball limbo: Dennis Rodman, in Vegas trying to convince the Maloof brothers he can still play

Media limbo: Don Imus, on his ranch surrounded by caucasians