24 June 2007

Just Because It's Sunday Doesn't Mean News Commentary Takes a Break

There is no rest for the weary on Sunday. The show must go on. You know the drill--here comes the satire.

President Bush is looking for analysis from a variety of sources on the troop surge and its effectiveness in Iraq. Instead of allowing only General Petraeus to explain the state of the union in his forthcoming report, Bush will look to many different sources to determine the success of the latest military endeavor.

It would have been fantastic if Bush attempted listening to many different sources on whether the country should have started this entire debacle in Iraq. I'm sure Steven King could write Bush up a rosy and slightly demented outlook on the effectiveness of the surge if he needs a pair of fresh eyes. His portrait might be less dire than that of the participants on the ground.

The man known as Chemical Ali, the first cousin of Saddam Hussein who used poisonous gas in attacks against the Kurds, was sentenced to death in Iraq along with two other men. The only Hussein loyalist yet to be tracked down at this juncture appears to be Weapons-of-Mass-Destruction Wallace, Saddam's former Minister of Paranoia who has yet to be photographed or even have his existence proven.

The warrantless wiretaps program has drawn one more critic; this time, it's a judge who authorized the wiretaps in the past. The only people left who approve of what the White House is doing at this point are employed by or have the last name Bush. Just check the numbers. More people approve of sandpaper enemas at this point.

Right before I got the opportunity to give Iran the Golden Sunshine for Human Rights award,
Ahmadinejad had to go out and parade around his political and social dissenters in the streets. I'm particularly disturbed by the picture of the dude in the soccer gear sucking on a butt-washing vessel (since removed or moved). Since most of the competition for my award was disqualified based on past performance, I'm giving the award to Alec Baldwin based upon the famous phone call to his daughter.

Five U.N. Peacekeeping soldiers in Lebanon were killed by a remote bomb earlier today. These explosive devices, as well as land mines, everybody would agree, are terrible things. The only people who should be worrying about carefully planted destruction and remotely detonated character assassinations are probably forming exploratory committees right now.

I applaud the study that confirms what eldest children (myself included) have known all along--first children are smarter than other siblings. I just feel sorry for Jeb and Ashlee
after hearing George and Jessica speak.

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