30 June 2007

The iPhone Martyr

Hamas TV finally found a way to end negotiations with Disney about their Mickey Mouse knockoff Farfour. Farfour met his end, becoming the first martyr on children's television. Israel responded promptly with air strikes that, while not aimed at stopping the Kenny-like resurrection of Martyr Mouse, probably should be.

Police in London located and disabled two car bombs one day before two men in a flaming SUV drove directly into a Glasgow airport terminal. The incident led to heightened security stateside. As long as David Beckham and his enormous contract are in good condition, the situation should be fine.

After a few months on the DL, the Supreme Court has returned to the mainstream. The NYTimes reports that the newly-minted Roberts court with the well-trained legal beagle Samuel Alito has shifted to the right. Many decisions are split 5-4, with Kennedy acting as the tiebreaker. The New Republic details the ideological divide between the conservative jurists. One of the biggest sticking points between the old-guard conservatives and the new blood is that Clarence Thomas has much rougher taste in porn compared to Alito and Roberts.

That same court will be re-deciding the Gitmo issue soon. If it's anything but a 9-0 decision in opposition of the issue of indefinite detentions, impeach every justice in support of Guantanamo and make them serve an indefinite detention there until they see it the right way.

Since the news is all legal today, Germany is considering overturning all decisions of execution for treason during the Nazi era. Since all of those sentenced have already been executed, it is unclear what this action would accomplish. If anybody buys into it, though, it might be a spectacular plan for utilizing sleight of hand tricks in rebuilding America's future post-Bush diplomatic efforts.

Joel Siegel, the ABC film critic who could make or break a film on ABC News, lost his long battle with cancer. It was probably best before he got an opportunity to be exposed to Ocean's 14.

He also was lucky enough to go before witnessing the carnage that is people stupid enough to wait 15 hours in line for an iPhone. That should be doubly good if the iPhone is not as cool as advertised.

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